Q&A re Same-Gender Marriage (Best viewed with Netscape)

Frequently asked questions and answers regarding same-gender marriages.


Q: Where do you get this notion that the Suffragettes were all Lesbians?
A: The Suffragettes were not all Lesbians, but many of their founders and leaders were. My point was that women voting was as unthinkable at that time as same-gender marriages are today. Despite all the impassioned arguments against it, and despite the radical changes that resulted from giving women the full rights and privileges of American citizenship, it did not bring about the end of civilization.

Q: You guys have been so anti-family, and all of a sudden you want to get married. Why?
A: That's a two parter. First, we have never been anti-family. We are your children, your brothers and sisters, and sometimes even your mom or dad. We are very much a part of the American family.

Secondly, we don't want to get married "all of a sudden." The first lawsuit to recognize our marriages was filed almost 25 years ago. The plaintiffs in the Hawaii case are one Gay couple and two Lesbian couples. The Gay couple have been together for 17 years. All of a sudden, the media has focused its attention on us, but we have always been denied the most basic rights and privileges of American citizenship.

Q: I don t understand your comparisons to Black people. I know there's debate as to whether or not being Gay is a choice or genetic, or whatever, but there's no question whatsoever that Black people can't change the color of their skin.
A: It's not that Black people can't change the color of their skin, it's that Black people can't pretend to be White. It's obvious, for the most part, whether or not someone is not White. It's not so obvious just by looking at someone that they're Gay.

My comparison was to that of interracial couples. Just like interracial couples can't change the fact that they have two different skin colors, same-gender couples can't change the fact that they're both women or both men.

Q: Why would you want to marry? Many people just choose to live together now-a-days anyway.
A: We want to get married (or not get married) for the same mix of reasons anyone else does. Why would anyone want to marry? For me personally, it's a legal issue. I am an American citizen, and I expect the full rights and privileges of American citizenship. I expect the law to recognize my marriage.

Q: A same-sex couple obviously can't produce children. Since that's the basis of marriage, how can you rationalize legalizing Gay marriage?
A: My grandmother remarried when she was in her 60's. She and her husband will never produce a child, but they weren't denied a marriage license because of it. In the case of Gays and Lesbians, it's not that we can't have children; many of us DO. What we can't do is accidentally or unwantingly have children. It's a big effort for us, and because of that our children are the most well-planned for and wanted people I know of.

Also, our children face some serious discrimination because our marriages are not legally recognized. I had a friend who had outstanding health insurance where she worked, but that didn't extend to her kids because her marriage was not legally recognized. Their biological (and therefore legal) mother didn't have any insurance, so God help them if they're ever injured or become ill.

Q: Do you or would you raise your children to be homosexual?
A: You can't raise someone to be homosexual or heterosexual. Most Gays and Lesbians have Straight parents, and most of us who are parents have Straight children. Like kinetic orientation (being left or right handed) sexual orientation is not learned. It's a simple fact that most people are right handed, and most people are Straight; just not ALL.

Q: How can you have a balanced relationship without the opposite component of male vs. female?
A: We balance, but not in exactly the same ways as opposite-gender couples because two men together or two women together is not the same; I agree. But when you treat someone with dignity and love and respect, balance is there. It doesn't matter if you're two different religions, two different races, or the same or opposite genders.

Q: So if the law does change, will you be able to force my church to marry you and your friend?
A: No. The government cannot force a church to perform a marriage ceremony. Legal marriage and the religious ceremony are completely separate issues under American law. We already DO get married in church, but the law doesn't recognize it.

Q: My niece is a Lesbian and she and her friend have a Domestic Partnership thing. Isn't that just as good?
A: Domestic Partnership is NOT just as good as legal marriage mainly because Domestic Partnership can be revoked. It also does not confer all the responsibilities and privileges of marriage. How many of you would choose a Domestic Partnership contract over being legally married? It's a step in the right direction, but it's not the same thing.

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hereReturn to my page on public speaking on the Freedom to Marry.