Date: Fri, 10 Mar 1995 13:42:00 +0100 From: JELICA.TODOSIJEVIC@ZAMIR-BG.ZTN.ZER.DE (Jelica Todosijevic) This is a draft section of a forthcoming report by IGLHRC (International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission) which will include contributions by lesbians around the world. ----------------------------------------------------- REPORT ON LESBIANS IN YUGOSLAVIA submitted by Jelica Todosijevic - Arkadija, Lesbian Working Group - Belgrade Being a lesbian in Yugoslavia means that you don't exist at all. You don't exist legally, you don't exist illegally. You are an offensive word, a bad character from a cheap novel or a heroine from the midnight porno movie on the Third Channel of Belgrade Television. But being a woman who loves women, single woman or a woman without a man to stand behind, means to live hard and in fear. Lesbians are closeted as much as possible, not only to the outside world but also to themselves. A woman in Yugoslavia is validated by the man who she is with. If she chooses the way of living she desires, it means that she's condemning herself to the endless battle for her integrity. Single woman will be the second choice for the job offer if there is a married one who applied for the same position. Married women are learned to obey and respect the authority. Single woman will hardly find a decent apartment for herself. Landlords are suspicious of single women's morality. Single woman will get fired from her job if there is a need for reducing the staff. She eats less. Single woman will work in the graveyard shifts all of the time. She doesn't have any family obligations. Women without men should be at home before dark. There is nobody to protect them from being harassed or raped on the street. If they survive any kind of violence - they asked for it by being on the street alone. Single woman is never single because she decided that way. She is always --abandoned, unable to find a man, immoral, crazy or unable to have children. Why else would someone deliberately choose to stay unmarried? Two women living together are suspicious and not loved by their neighbors. People prefer "normal", healthy families with children and a head of the family. In October, 1994. Arkadija's Lesbian Working Group made a street survey on lesbians. This is what the citizens of Belgrade thinks of lesbians: (numbers in brackets represents average age) Questions were following: 1. Do you know who are lesbians? 2. Do you know any? 3. Would you allow your daughter/wife to have a lesbian friend? 4. Would you mind if you discovered that one of your colleagues is a lesbian? 5. Would you still go to the same store if you knew that the shopkeeper is a lesbian? 6. Would you allow your child to have a lesbian teacher? 7. Do you think that lesbianism is: 1) hereditary, 2) acquired, 3) illness, 0) nothing? 8. What would you with such a person? Women(23) Women(45) Men(22) Men(54) 1.YES-100% YES-100% YES-100% YES-100% 2.YES-22% YES-20% YES-28% YES-25% NO-72% NO-80% NO-72% NO-75% 3.YES-44% NO-100% YES-57%* YES-75%* NO-56% ####### NO-43% NO-25% 4.YES-57% YES-70% NO-100% YES-25% NO-43% NO-39% ####### NO-75% 5.YES-100% YES-80% YES-100% YES-75% ####### NO-20% ####### NO-25% 6.YES-44% YES-20% YES-72% YES-75% NO-56% NO-80% NO-28% NO-25% 7.(1)#### (1)#### (1) 14% (1)#### (2) 44% (2) 20% (2) 14% (2) 100% (3) 56% (3) 80% (3) 49% (3)#### (0)#### (0)#### (0) 23% (0)#### 8.NOT-35% NOT-20% NOT-61% NOT-25% M.T.-31% M.T.-60% SEX-39% SEX-75% ISOL.-11% DIST.-10% FR. - 23% AGG.-10% (NOT.- nothing; M.T. - medical treatment; ISOL. -isolation; DIST. - distance; FR. - friends; AGG. - aggressive) *Men who would allow only to their wives to have lesbian friends, and not to daughters. According to the survey, women are more homophobic than men, but it is obvious that most of men have an voyeuristic attitude. They would allow their wives to have a lesbian friend, but not their daughters. Also, most of older men who were questioned would treat lesbians sexually in order to cure them. It is obvious that big majority believes that lesbianism is an illness and that it should be medically treated. Some of the women were suggesting ghettos for lesbians, some were aggressive (they said that they would sew genitals of lesbians) Younger people, both women and men are more tolerant comparing to the older generation, but still homophobic. THE STATUS OF THE LAW On July, 14th. our government adopted the draft of the new criminal law. Before, the old law was banning male homosexuality. However, lesbianism was never a part of that ban. The change came as a total surprise to the gay community. NO ONE in the community "lobbied" for a new law, because it was beyond our power. Our guess is that the change came from someone high up in government. There is no opportunity to influence legislation in Yugoslavia given the reality of our government. It would be dangerous and right now our government does not respond rationally (and for that matter does not work like a real government). Also, we have not yet developed a culture of lobbying and we probably won't until we have a government that responds to the people. As we don't have a working government or a real opposition it is impossible for us to think of proposing any lesbian activists for the elections. There are very few real "opposition" candidates -- even the opposition candidates are nationalist when it serves them. No candidate has ever came out in support of our rights and elections are far from "normal." CHILD CUSTODY " We had to sue him for the liable, because if he proved that J. and I had a lesbian relationship, the Court would permit J. to see her child at all." One forty-year old lesbian commented on her girlfriend s process of divorcing. " Her ex-husband wanted to keep J. away from their daughter, but fortunately we had a good lawyer. M. (the daughter) is living with her father now in the other town, but she is coming to visit us for holidays. I love her as she is my own child and I miss her a lot every time she goes back to her father." The Yugoslav Constitution doesn't mention the existence of lesbians in any way, neither good nor bad. To be a lesbian in situations like this, when child custody is involved, means to be equalized to the most irresponsible and promiscuous woman, equalized to a drug addict or mentally disturbed and dangerous person. Family Law does not mention lesbianism explicitly. It is up to the judge to decide what it is going to happen with the child. In the homophobic atmosphere we are living in, it is impossible to even hope that anybody would at least try to understand a lesbian mother who claims her right to get a custody over the child. Women are forced to hide their lesbianism in order to retain custody; lesbianism (whether true or not) can be used as a reason to take a child away. Of course, as in any society, many lesbians in Serbia have children. But they live as quietly as possible, often sacrificing themselves for their children. It is particularly difficult for women here because divorced women often live with their parents. In constant fear of being discovered, lesbian mothers are in a double closet, closeted from their parents, children, colleagues, friends, and maybe even themselves. EMPLOYMENT DISCRIMINATION "If there was a homosexual in this office, I would fire this person immediately", stated the director of a big Belgrade law research firm. "How do you know that there is not such a person in here?" one of the employees remarked. " I have heard something about that, but I don't know it for sure. If I was positive, I would expel him/her from the job", the homophobic executive continued. "But there is no legal basis for something like that, what would be your excuse for firing that person?" frightened Z. asked her superior. "I would just make sure that I find something and make that person withdraw her/his documents alone and leave the firm", he declared. Z. has been living in fear of being exposed to her boss for three years. She is afraid that any of her colleagues might see her walking with her girlfriend and suspect something. She is at the zenith of her carrier and she is aware of the fact that she could lose her position and future if somebody finds out that she is a lesbian. At the big meeting in one of the humanitarian foundations in Belgrade, a group of Belgrade University psychology professors (very well known and eminent persons within their area of work) suggested that L.M. a lesbian psychologist who is working in the Center for Women and Children Victims of Violence, shouldn't be allowed to work with girls victims of rape and domestic violence, because of her sexuality. These professors eventually managed to have the gay and lesbian group expelled from using the Women's Studies Center because the group was "incompatible" with the project they were working on -- a refugee project. "It is ironic", they said, "to share a space with perverts when people who really need help come here." (What's even more ironic is that some of the gay and lesbian group members are refugees). G. was a successful musician in a local cafe. She always attracted a big crowd and her boss was always happy with her. Then one day, in the middle of her act, a drunk man stood up and shouted at her " lesbian!" He wanted to beat her and all of her friends. Eventually, he left. The next day, G. s boss told her that she was fired. These are just three examples of the kind of harassment lesbians have on the job. No laws protect lesbians from being fired based on their sexual orientation. Thus, all lesbians must hide themselves at work. Only a handful of lesbians women's center therapists, women who own their own job, etc. -- can even dream of coming out at work. STREET HARASSMENT In Yugoslavia, lesbians don't exist as a part of the community as lesbians are utterly invisible. If the noun "lesbian" is mentioned it is because somebody intends to be offensive. Boys and men may use the word lesbian to slur women; for them, calling a woman a lesbian is the same as calling her ugly. But they are harassing women as women, not specifically as lesbians. Street harassment and other forms of violence against women, both on the streets and at home, has increased since the start of the war. Some of these women are lesbians. But, again, they are invisible. SOCIAL ISOLATION A young 17 year-old high school student, S., fell in love with one of her female professors. She wrote her a letter of admiration and sent it to her together with flowers. The professor found out who sent a love note and made an open remark at the board meeting. Soon, everybody in the school knew about S. She left that school, because she was unable to attend the classes without being constantly insulted by her schoolmates and obviously mistreated by her professors. Thanks to the poor economic situation in the country, single people are often forced to share the same space with their parents. This is especially characteristic for lesbians, because they cannot afford to move out and become totally independent of their families. Very few lesbians live alone or in couples. Also, usually their incomes are not high enough to cover the basic costs of living, so they are almost fully dependent on the good will of their parents. In situations like these, the family feels that it has the full right to take part in the private life of every one of its members. It is not rare that a woman is blackmailed by another person who threatens that her family will get acquainted with her sexual orientation if she ... Another common situation is when the family somehow finds out and they are not willing to accept it. " Get out of the house you stinky lesbian. I am giving you bread and you are paying me back with disgracing the whole family," R. s father told her after he found a love letter from her girlfriend. R. moved in with her girlfriend to another town. One of the lawyers of the Belgrade Women's Law Group, recently got a phone call from a woman who was seeking the advice. Her "problem" was that she has a neighbor who has a lesbian granddaughter! According to her complaint, the young woman is maltreating her grandmother by bringing her lesbian partner home. Except for that, "the concerned" neighbor didn't have any other facts to prove that the "unfortunate grandmother" had been molested in any other way. The examples of social isolation are too numerous to list. Being a single, unmarried woman in Yugoslavia, means being marked because you don't fit into the pattern of "the mother of the nation". In these very hard conditions marked by a complete breakdown in the legal system, nationalistic madness and pro-fascistic propaganda, everyone who differs from the image of the "devoted to fatherland" don't have many chances of advancing at work, being taken for serious and respected. LACK OF ACCESS TO APPROPRIATE HEALTH CARE When J.T. reached her late forties, she had to go to see the gynecologist for the menstrual problems she started to face. Before that, she visited a gynecologist when she was at the age of 20. "In between", she says, "I didn't have any serious reasons to visit the gynecologist." At this second examination she was very much embarrassed by the doctor, after he discovered that she was still virgo intacta in her 46. "Why didn't you pay somebody to sleep with you?", he screamed after he deflowered J.T. Many lesbians are not visiting gynecologist because of the same reason. They DON'T use any kind of pregnancy protection, they ARE still virgo intacta, they DON'T WANT to be examined in the usual way and LIE about how frequent they have sex with men. Therefore, when some serious health problems occur, they are scared to death by not knowing what to do. No health programs exist for lesbians. And, needless to say, health education here doesn t include lesbians. Homosexuality IS mentioned in the medical textbooks, but there as a disease. Recent changes in the law in Serbia has not led to a change in the labeling of homosexuality as a disease. ORGANIZING FOR CHANGE Arkadija exists for five years, but last year after the change of law, we got the first chance to start more open with our work, within the boundaries of possible. Arkadija's Lesbian Working Group is holding workshops once a week with the primarily goal to rise self-awareness, self respect and self confidence of women who attends. It is a fact that there are more and more women interested in this kind of gathering and sharing opinions and experiences. For some of them it is a first time to get a chance to say aloud "I love women!". Except for this direct contact with lesbians in Belgrade, we have also started the promotion of Arkadija through various media. For the first time EVER in the history of this country, an out lesbian -- one of our group's representatives -- appeared on television! This show received several positive responses from the public and it was carried by the regular Belgrade "Art Channel". We also had great success in the printed media. Over the past six months, the daily Borba (Borba is recently banned by the state for being one of the last remaining independent press) ran several positive articles about lesbians. Three were authored by members of our group: (1) one of Lepa Mladjenovic's acceptance of a major human rights prize (the Felipe de Souza Award from IGLHRC); (2) a discussion of New York gay pride and (3) a change of Yugoslav criminal law regarding male homosexuality. Another success was finally hooking up to e-mail. Through e-mail we have been able to increase awareness about issues here and, as discussed above, to further our contacts with lesbians and human rights/women's rights activists. We have ran four stories since October on e-mail (euro-queernet, g-l-b news, queerplanet, euro-sappho) that were picked up by presses in several countries in Europe, including a story on the work of our group, a story on police violence against gays here, the appearance of Arkadija's lesbian representative on TV and one on our change in law. One thing that is missing from our culture is any education about difference or tolerance. If we are to survive, this must change. While we will only tackle one small corner of the need to educate people here about tolerance (we need a lot of human rights education in all areas), by doing so we will be helping to promote tolerance for other minority groups as well. One of Arkadija's long-term goals is the eradication of ALL discrimination. DEMANDS FOR THE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN S COMMUNITY o international documents should include the term lesbians, single women and women not attached to men . Our government does not even recognize "lesbians" and many women who love women do not see themselves in the word "lesbian". Therefore, terms such as "single women, lesbians and women who are not attached to men" includes more of us, both as we call ourselves and as our government views us when it is discriminating against us. o education about lesbians be emphasized -- EDUCATION is the only way we can press our human rights concerns. For us (particularly in Serbia) demonstration in the street is impossible, but education campaigns hold promise. CONCLUSION Putting the lesbian issue on the agenda for Beijing conference and including lesbian concernes in the all women concernes would give us an oportunity to ask from our government one day to respect the UN Document and our rights which are defined in it. If we hate ourselves, if we think we are the only one, if we die from cancers because we hate seeing the gynecologist, if we cannot call our struggle "human rights" and if nobody considers it to be a struggle for life, then how can we possibly survive? Belgrade, March '95. ## CrossPoint v3.0 ##