Jennifer DiMarco: Escaping NothingInterviewed by J.R. Stone Nineteen year old Jennifer DiMarco began writing books at age ten. She self-published eight of them before she graduated from high school. Her latest work, Escape To The Wind, was the first of her novels to be sold by a publishing house. Within a month after its release, it topped the Seattle Times bestseller list for two weeks. It's first printing sold out nationwide, and the book is now available in Europe. During a recent book tour, DiMarco was interviewed extensively by both gay and mainstream press, but those stories left much of DiMarco's own story untold. In this exclusive interview, Jennifer DiMarco offers her own insights and observations on herself, her writing, and her success. JRS: You've been called everything from a prodigy to "our wunder- kind" by the press. How do you describe Jennifer DiMarco? JD: I'm a 19 year old lesbian author, raised by lesbian parents, writing for the human community. I was brought up to believe that difference and diversity are the two most beautiful things that humanity embodies. I'm not a genius. I'm not a prodigy. I just know how to use my Goddess-given talent. JRS: Growing up in West Seattle, did you always have a sense that you would become an author? JD: From the time I was ten years old, when I wrote my first book, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I have to be honest though, I grew up in West Seattle and White Center. It was like going from street living to living in a nest, but it helped me remain balanced. JRS: You have lesbian mothers and a younger sister in your fami- ly. What has been their influence on your writing? JD: My parents have taught me to be fair [and] have shown me that the world can be wonderful, but it also can be hateful. As a les- bian, you have to fight for everything that you want, nothing is handed to you. I grew up a poor kid who was never afraid to fight. When things aren't handed to you, you very quickly learn how to be a survivor. My parents gave me a love for words because they gave me a love for life. JRS: And your sister?JD: My baby sister, Angel, has given me so much. She's gentleness and thought[ful]. She fights, but very differently than I do. She's classy and she shows the world that even a beautiful young woman can be brilliant and tough. She shatters all the stereotypes of heterosexual women and I like that. Neither of us were taught to accept labels or boxes no matter where they came from-to just be proud of who you are and not let anyone change you. Sometimes she epitomizes that whole belief for me. Sometimes when I was growing up I felt like it was she and I standing against the current. JRS: Thirteen novels, eight of them self-published. How did it all begin? JD: I fell in love with writing; I have a consuming love for words. I couldn't stop writing novels, I tried. I found a way that I could bring voice and light to all the shadows around me. So I write stories that aren't safe. I write stories that are a little too honest, a little too wild . . . but they are true. Once I realized that I could do this with my writing-reach out and touch people and give people my words-then I couldn't stop. JRS: Escape To The Wind has been labeled as an adventure novel. How would you describe it to someone who has never been interest- ed in lesbian fiction before? JD: It's action-packed, exciting. It has aspects of mystery, romance, horror, fantasy-it has everything. It's an exciting slice of a futuristic world, full of strong women characters fighting for what they want and not accepting just what they are handed. JRS: What character(s) in Escape, if any, do you best identify with? JD: The main character, Tyger. Physically, we have nothing in common. But Tyger has a side that is very protective and very im- passioned and also very torn between two worlds. I think I iden- tify with that because being a writer is much like living two lives. You live a life in front of the computer with the muse, and then you live a completely different life when you're stand- ing with your partner. JRS: Escape topped Seattle's bestseller list in June. After years of self-publishing, how did it feel to get there? JD: It felt absolutely incredible. But above and beyond absolute- ly everything else, beyond my excitement and my pride, the impor- tant thing is not that just a DiMarco book topped the bestseller list but that a lesbian futuristic adventure novel beat out Jurassic Park for two consecutive weeks. There are few things that could make me prouder. JRS: You went on an extensive tour to promote the book. What was that like? JD: That was 12 cities in 30 days. Utterly intense and absolutely wonderful. I met hundreds of people, got to personally interact with each of them, saw some beautiful cities and got to really know my readers. Half of me says I never want to do it again, and the other half says this is how I will never lose sight of who I'm writing for. JRS: How has your family reacted to the success of the book and tour? JD: They are very supportive. . . . Just as I'm sure it's hard to be partnered to a writer, it's also hard to be family to a writ- er. I'm gone a lot and even when I am home, I'm doing business. My family's been there when I needed them. They give me the strength and inspiration I need when things get rough and keep my feet on the ground. I owe them a lot. JRS: Your writing reflects someone who is strong in character. Would you say that is true about you? JD: I like to think I'm strong in character, because I think that means you are very diverse and very sure and proud of who you are, and I am. I like being Jennifer DiMarco, and I especially like it when I have to fight for it. When I grew up, nothing was handed to me, so it feels very natural to face the world with a challenge. JRS: What parts of you do you hide from your readers? JD: I think that if someone looked at all of my books and pieced things together, they would be able to find almost all of me. I guess the things that I would hide would be that I'm a little bit mischievous, and I've been known to be quite a punk in the best sense of that word. I like to be able to express what I want to express and not what people tell me to. JRS: What criticism has your writing received and how have you reacted to it? JD: I've been told that I can't write about gay men, African, Asian or Native American women, heterosexuals, people older than I am, people younger than I am, and I've been told my subjects aren't safe enough. I write about what I know, the people around me, the people I've lived with and loved. I don't make things up, I take real life and often put it into fantasy perspectives. My books reach people and that's all that's important to me. These criticisms have not come from my readers and my readers are who I listen to. JRS: What drives you to write? JD: I'm tired of all the rhetoric on the shelf. I'm tired of peo- ple who lace their books with political messages, throw in char- acters of different races and religions simply to make some kind of point. And it's done so badly and so obviously that it stands out. I write about the diversity in life as life. My goal is to write quality stories that are lesbian and gay fiction and that deal with diversity through sexuality, camaraderie, truth. I have no political axe to grind; it's just me writing about the world. JRS: What is your personal goal? JD: To find a marvelous woman who can put up with a writer's life, get married, have kids, and raise little warriors.JRS: You are writing an autobiography of your life. Why?JD: It's called Speed . . . The First 20 Years and to be completely honest, I'm writing it for myself. I don't want to forget where I came from. A lot of people forget where they came from, who was there in the beginning, who held their hand. I'm writing it so I don't forget, and so no one else forgets. JRS: What do you think will be Jen- nifer DiMarco's greatest legacy? JD: My greatest legacy will be to show that a lesbian daughter of lesbian parents can take on anything and anyone they throw at me. . Amazon Trail: A Chorus Line by Lee Lynch There's a refrain from Micheal Bennett's musical Chorus Line that goes, "I can do that. I can do that!" Sometimes I feel like a dancer trying out new steps, flying across the stage for all the world to see, clattering to a stop on the wooden floor boards to joyfully sing, "I can do that!" There is little more vitalizing than activism. Whether writing letters, testifying (terrified) at a hearing, holding lighted candles in the air at a vigil or choosing the gay long distance service, there's a lift to the spirit, a sense of solidarity and self-worth that are otherwise hard to acquire. It doesn't even matter what the action is; every act is empower- ing. And the bonus is that the more pro-active I am, the less courage it takes to be out. Nowadays, I notice that presenting myself to the world as a lesbian is, sometimes-and almost-as na- tural as breathing. Like finding a gay-friendly I.R.A. I got very nervous and stut- tered out the words GAY POSITIVE (sounding like a shout) to a straight-but-not-narrow financial advisor. She jumped at the chance to research my question. She found that Sophia Collier, co-founder of the very gay-friendly Soho Natural Soda, is princi- pal owner of Working Assets Capital Management which offers mutu- al funds. Approved for investment are companies that prohibit anti-gay discrimination like Apple Computer, Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream, Pacific Telesis Group and Reebok Internation- al. A socially responsible retirement plan? I can do that! Speaking of high finance, Levi Strauss, the original gay- supportive corporation, posted a 20% loss in its second quarter despite record sales. Although this is not a result of the funda- mentalist threat to boycott Levis, I feel a Dockers-attack coming on. The right casts us all as white, at least middle class, and male, and hasn't a clue that all the money in the world can't protect even privileged gays from violence and firings when the law doesn't specifically protect us. Meanwhile, the great majority of queers shop at affordable stores like Wal-Mart (which doesn't carry Levis). I've heard rumblings about Wal-Mart's conservative links. Now I read that Wal-Mart fired a woman and a man for going out together while married to other people. Where do we shop? We need a gay consumer columnist-is there an armchair activist who'll do that? Money is only one dance in the activist repertoire. My county re- cently voted for an anti-gay charter amendment, but the defeat was minor when compared with the phenomenal accomplishments of the campaign. Phone-banking housewives and butches licking en- velopes allowed us, statistically, to gain on the bad guys. Residents of every county and city in Oregon where discrimination was voted in are, with the assistance of the ACLU, filing suits to take civil rights out of voters' hands. The suits need plain- tiffs. The ACLU needs members, volunteers. We can do that! The Oregon House of Representatives was so appalled by these election results that legislators proposed and passed to the Sen- ate a bill preventing the charter amendments from being enacted or enforced. The county defeats weren't the House's only impetus. We were on hand-giving testimony, lobbying, showing our faces at a news conference-participating. Those stalwart Representatives sat through fourteen hours of testimony on our "gay rights bill." Our words changed them, moved some from hostility to comprehen- sion to advocacy. Not perfect comprehension, not absolute advoca- cy, but nonetheless, they understood at last the state-the country-is being ripped to shreds by people who care about noth- ing but advancing an exclusive moral agenda. The bad guys, in turn, launched a recall campaign against fourteen of these representatives, and undercut their anti-gay cause badly by doing so. All this happened because a whole lot of people-P-Flaggers, con- cerned Republicans, gays, and community leaders wrote letters and called, or missed work, left their families, camped out in motels and spare bedrooms and got their bodies and their voices to the capitol on the days this drama unfolded. Using the same tactics, gays-turned-activist ensured that Minnesota became the seventh state to legislate equal rights for gays. A chorus line of ac- tivists does make a difference. The National Organization for Women plans to run candidates in local elections for positions on school boards. Until now, the right has been quietly (or noisily in the case of my home bor- ough, Queens) slipping into local slots, leaving another genera- tion of gay kids in grave danger of being taught they are evil and immoral. N.O.W. needs members to support the drive and wil- ling candidates to run. We can do that! At the March on Washington, three speakers from the N.A.A.C.P. promised to support us and asked for our support. We can do a Gay catalogue companies are springing up, seeking our business. We can do that! President Clinton needs to be thanked for changing the consciousness of the nation. We can do that! TV stations should be bombarded with praise for every gay-positive show. We can do that! And what a chorus line! In our rainbow jewelry, our Reeboks and Levis, we can do-anything! . Lesbians and Cancer by Liz Illg "I do not wish my anger and my pain and fear about cancer to fos- silize into another silence, nor to rob me of whatever strength can lie at the core of this experience . . . our feelings need voices in order to be recognized, respected and of use." (Audre Lorde, The Cancer Journals, Spinsters Ink, 1980) At the recent Gay and Lesbian Health Conference in Houston, Tex- as, the National Coalition of Feminist and Lesbian Cancer Pro- jects sponsored several sessions on lesbians and cancer. A plenary session "The Politics of the Women's Cancer Movement" noted that every aspect of cancer is political. In looking at cancer risks, it is simplistic to study only indi- vidual lifestyle issues. The disease is not just a personal ex- perience. Cancer has to do with racism, sexism, homophobia, the environment, the government, toxic waste, health care reform and work hazards. For instance, women's cancer groups are joining en- vironmental and ethnic advocacy organizations in investigating the impact of environmental hazards. They are asking about the health risks from pesticides, electromagnetic fields, and asbes- tos. Lesbian cancer projects Presenters from four lesbian cancer projects talked about the connections between their projects and broader social change. Not only do these projects create women-controlled services, but they also promote changes within the medical establishment. The Women's Community Cancer Project in Boston has made direct action a major part of its program. Through demonstrations and community education, they have challenged policies of pharmaceut- ical companies and governmental agencies to be more accountable to lesbians and other health care consumers. In one workshop, women from nine projects around the country identified the challenges of beginning cancer projects in their communities. The Mautner Project for Lesbians with Cancer in Washington, D.C. and the Berkeley Women's Cancer Resource Center were early leaders in developing practical services for lesbians with cancer and their families. Volunteers provide transportation, give referrals to lesbian friendly providers, care for pets, track down medical supplies, locate other women who have had similar cancer, and give other practical and emotional assistance. Experienced facilitators lead weekly support groups for cancer survivors, their partners and friends, and provide a monthly support group for volunteers and other women who have lost partners or friends to cancer. Cancer versus AIDS During the conference, controversy arose over perceived horizon- tal competition between AIDS/HIV programs and developing cancer projects. Some women expressed resentment that lesbians seem to persist in serving other people's needs first and resist tending to their own individual and community needs. After some debate, speakers urged people to get past an either/or mentality and a scarcity model. The face of AIDS is changing as more young women of color show up HIV positive. We need to further develop the resources that have emerged through the AIDS epidemic and make sure they continue to serve the diversity of the community. In fact, AIDS hospice organizations are now seeing both women and men with cancer in their facilities. The AIDS/HIV experience has helped create gay- and lesbian-friendly space in health services and reduced the invisibility of gay and lesbian health consumers. The lesbian cancer movement seeks to broaden the picture further. The economics of the AIDS/HIV epidemic are driving research, treatment and services. In the past, cancer has received money and attention. Recent media focus on breast cancer and especially lesbian cancer seems to be renewing this interest. The Women's Health Initiative, a long-term public health study from the Na- tional Institutes of Health, includes questions about women's sexual orientation and behavior. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is recruiting a person to assist national efforts such as the cancer coalition, and the implementation of a national health agenda. Do lesbians get more cancers? One question that remains is whether lesbians are more at risk for cancer. There is no conclusive answer yet, and it's hard to generalize about the life experiences that define the lesbian community. Epidemiologist Susan Haynes stirred up controversy last year when she proclaimed lesbians more at risk because of four so-called lesbian lifestyle factors: not giving birth, obesity, alcoholism, and sporadic health exams. Critics have raised issues about her methodology and the past research done on lesbians. For instance, studies showing lesbians as predominantly white, age 22-44 and childless, underemployed with some college education, are simply the reflection of the women willing to complete surveys at na- tional events like the Michigan Women's Music Festival or the 1987 March on Washington. The Lesbian Health Project of Los Angeles is now conducting the 1993 National Lesbian and Bisexual Women's Health Survey with a special effort to include women often left out of other studies, and to document the changes in our community. (For copies: 8235 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 308, West Hollywood, CA 90046 or phone 213-650-1508). Early detection-a strategy Health practitioners at the conference agreed that lesbians gen- erally avoid mammograms, annual exams and Pap tests. Access to affordable, lesbian-friendly healthcare seems to be the key to early detection and treatment of cancer. The Lesbian Resource Project in Tempe, Arizona sponsored a suc- cessful lesbian health fair featuring free mammograms and follow-up during their annual Pride event. Other groups like the Seattle Lesbian Health Network have developed lesbian-friendly provider lists (accessible through the LRC or the Health Informa- tion Network) which include both alternative and mainstream healthcare providers. It is obvious that there are many approaches to dealing with the issue of lesbians and cancer. With statistics indicating that one woman in four living in the United States will experience cancer in her lifetime, and more like one out of three lesbians will have the disease, the question is not who cares about lesbians and cancer, but who can afford not to care. (Liz Illg recently founded the Seattle Lesbian Cancer Project. For information, contact her at 2732 NE 54th St. Seattle, WA 98105 or (206) 522-0199.) . Lavender Legacy by Pat Carl You've heard, of course, that as you grow older, you're suppose to grow wiser. Well, I'm getting older (in fact, I can feel older progressing through my bones on a daily basis) and I'm here to say that wisdom eludes me sometimes as much as it did several de- cades ago. Especially when it comes to sex.You'd think that in my advanced years, and with all the various sexual experiences I've had, and all the advice I've paid for from therapists about how to build intimacy while keeping sex hot, I'd have some clue, some insight into the firm tie between sex and intimacy. You'd think I'd know, by now, to go slow. You'd think I'd be able to say, now Pat, find out if you like her before you fuck her. 'Cuz there's nothing worse than being in the middle of a good fuck and your mind starts separating itself from your body and starts noticing things. Like her bedroomQhow messy it is. How dirty the sheets are. And, oh shit, the full ash tray sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. Things that are going to drive you crazy in short order, good fuck or not. So, hot sex without intimacy, at least for me, is for the birds. But the same is true conversely. Intimacy without hot sex can be unappealing as hell. Take the longest relationship I ever had, one that lasted five years. Jane was definitely a sweet, likeable woman. Good look- ing, too. In fact, I'd been friends with her for several years prior to getting in a relationship with her. She was married to a man who traveled a lot in connection with his job. Their marriage was fast going downhill by the time Jane and I started fucking. Our sex was pleasant and tasted familiar, like the old-fashioned sweet rolls my mother made all through my childhood. In the aft- ermath of love making, Jane and I laid in bed and talked, nose to nose, about our lives and our dreams. We moved in together even before the divorce was final. Within two and a half years, we rarely had sex anymore and were hardly intimate. And then, rather than talk about what we'd lost or if we'd ever had it, we filled the spot where passion once was with everyday chores, home improvement projects, and dinner en- gagements. We still surprised each other with gifts. And we still thought highly of each other. But the passion and sex, which fueled the gifts, the thoughtfulness, and even the love, had long since left the relationship. I perceived Jane to be very unwilling to talk about our loss of passion. But, to be honest, so was I. My grieving and need seemed to tongue-tie me. Besides, if we talked about our passion gone astray, I may have found out that I wasn't attractive anymore to her or that my sex-making was less than adequate. Pretty scary stuff. So, rather than talk about our own personal lesbian bed death, I chose to behave in a very irresponsible manner. One minute, I'd tell myself that passion and sex didn't matter; what mattered was family and faithfulness. And the next, I'd seduce and fuck around with as many dykes as I could get my hands on. Needless to say, when I moved to Seattle, Jane didn't. What followed for me were two years sans relationship. I indulged in sex here and there, though on the whole, it was pretty unin- spiring (just like I somehow knew it would be). And I was fooled by one near-fatal relationship which took me several months to figure out was a total mistake. Now I'm in another relationship, but with a woman who demands hot sex and intimacy all wrapped together. Her analysis is simple. She thinks that spending every waking moment together and even living together spells death to sex. And, if sex goes, so too will intimacy. So, we don't live together and, after nearly two years, the sexu- al current between us is still palpable. Our sex and passion is such a driving force than even last weekend the first thing we did was fuck the moment we saw each other. And, we're intimate. We talk about the hard stuff. Like does the butch/femme we play go beyond bed? Or is it OK to say no to sex, even when your lover is demanding it? In addition, I'm different. I'm unwilling to ever allow myself to avoid a topic and lose a relationship, like I did previously. And, like my present lover, I'm unwilling to be in any relationship which doesn't have pas- sion and sex as basic components. I must admit, though, if it were up to me, we'd live together. But my partner is adamant; no shared rent means that hot sex, steamy passion and that elusive intimacy will endure. . LINER NOTES Judging by all the discussion we had in putting this issue to- gether, I expect that almost everyone (myself included) will find something they don't like in these pages, which is okay (though I do hope everyone find something they do like, also). Sex is a subject on which people tend to have very strongly held, and enormously varied, opinions. The LRCCN tries to serve as broad a segment of the community as we can, and it's not possible to do that and please everyone all the time. We recognize that some people are not comfortable with explicit or graphic depictions and discussions of sex and that other peo- ple relish them. In the discussions among members of the newspa- per committee, the Hot Chixx Video ad elicited the most discom- fort. Some people argued that sex in any form, whether videos or sex toys, should not be advertised. Others were simply uncomfort- able with the idea of advertising what they considered to be por- nographic material. On the other hand, many lesbians watch and enjoy these videos and refusing ads like this would suggest that this activity is somehow RdirtyS or unacceptable. Even the people on the committee who were not happy with the idea of the Hot Chixx ad recognized that it would not be acceptable to essentially pass judgement on lesbians who like these videos by refusing to print an ad. There is a genuine phenomenon happening in the lesbian community and the Dyke Raves and Pussy GaloreQthe lesbian steam bathQall of which have been enormously successful, are testament to that. So is the success of Hot Chixx Video, Blush Entertainment, and other companies which make or distribute erotic lesbian material. We may not all become directly part of this sex positive move- ment, if what is happening is cohesive enough to be a movement, and we may not even be entirely comfortable with it. But we can- not deny that it is happening. As always, we welcome your input on this topic and our coverage of it. It is a big subject and we do not pretend to have present- ed exhaustive coverage of it. We have tried to give readers some sense of what is happening and the questions surrounding it. Terri L. Smith . Meet Valerie Reuther, the New Executive Director of the LRC by Mindy Schaberg With short dark hair and piercing dark eyes that seem to catch everything, Valerie Reuther has kinetic energy, bounds of it, and it's contagious. You want to get out there and start moving mountain ranges around. She talks fast and she moves fast and she gets things done. Beginning in mid-October, the Lesbian Resource Center will house this dynamo; she has been hired as the center's new Executive Director. She will start after a month long trip to Europe that she has been anticipating for months. "It feels like a good match," she says of her new position. "My professional experience is in building organizations: to do good planning, to decide where we want to go, to raise funds so we can put those plans into action, and to mobilize people to make it happen." Reuther, 32, is in her own words a "social change professional" and brings a wealth of fundraising and program-planning experi- ence to the LRC. She comes to us most recently from A Territory Resource (ATR), a progressive foundation which raises money from individuals and funds social change organizations in the Northwest and northern Rockies. Before that, she was director of development for INFACT, which runs corporate responsibility cam- paigns. The organization lobbied successfully against GE for its promotion and production of nuclear weapons. Reuther has also been active with Queer Nation for two and a half years. Social activism runs in her blood - her grandfather co-founded United Auto Workers. She grew up outside of Washington D.C., where something was always cooking. In high school, she worked on a campaign to keep big developments from surrounding the campus. In college, she lobbied for women's and environmental issues. She got her start fundraising in col- lege doing phonathon campaigns, and went from there to a telemarketing firm. She quickly became a potent fundraiser, and began to look for ways to apply what she did so well to what she believed so deeply. In this Year of the Dyke, if we use Newsweek and "60 Minutes" as an indicator, lesbians are generating energy and claiming visi- bility like never before. With its new board members and execu- tive director, the LRC has positioned itself to be at the hub of that energy in the Northwest. By the end of next year, Valerie hopes,"We will do what we do: providing resources, support, news- paper, but we'll do it better, and we'll expand our programs to reach communities we don't now." When we speak of the lesbian community, she says, "we are talking about a myriad of pieces. We need all our pieces to participate in creating a vision for the community. We need extensive plan- ning to involve people in the process, to help decide where we want to be, and to get us there." Five years from now, the LRC will be a bigger organization with the different constituencies represented and specific programs and resources for each piece. It will be a truly diverse organi- zation, she says. She would also like to see the LRC be more political "whether it be fighting the right or lobbying for women's healthcare or for a more responsive police chief. I'd like to see us mobilizing the women in the community no matter what the issue." Reuther loves to cook, gourmet vegetarian is her specialty. "I'm really good with tofu." Right now, for example, if we were all invited over to her place for dinner, we could expect an array of summer vegetables in different sauces on a plate together. She also loves to camp. "Cooking on the campfire is blissful to me," she says. Roadtrips, gardening, and playing frisbee with the dog round out her leisure activities. . The Problem with Lesbian Pornography by Lynne Swackhammer "We must establish values which originate in sisterhood. We must establish values which repudiate phallic supremacy, which repudi- ate phallic aggression, which repudiate all relationships and in- stitutions based on male dominance and female submission. It will not be easy for us to establish values which originate in sister- hood. For centuries, we have had male values slammed down our throats... violence so pervasive, so constant, so relentless and unending, that we cannot point to it and say, "There it begins and there it ends.' "(Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood) I went out looking for sex. I came back an hour later with a pizza, two Fatale videos, and six back issues of On Our Backs. This is "by women for women" erotica, the safest of all possible sex; no STD's, no long-term commitment, no male-created images of lesbian sex and gender role stereotypes. I've heard plenty about sex-negative feminists. Those are the people lesbians used to be, before they reformed. They are the archenemies of all Adventurous Lesbians who love sex and hate censorship. There's a cure, thankfully, in case you've caught sex-negativity or feminism, or both: Stop mixing politics and or- gasm. Stop thinking about it so much and just enjoy it. As I flipped through the magazines, familiar scenes of male/female traditional role relationships greeted me. All the characters were women, but it felt a lot like reading Hustler. The butches were on top, the femmes were on the bottom. Literal- ly. There was a woman with a gun between her legs, that familiar symbol of aggressive male sexuality. The same woman was shown with a dagger between her legs on the same page, looking as if she were preparing to impale herself. (Any sex-positive feminist should be able to appreciate the irony of that!) Isn't this the same thing we complained about when Playboy did it? How is this so different from the porn depicting pseudo-lesbian scenes created "by men for men"? Okay, so maybe I'm not a sex- positive dyke after all. Maybe I don't measure up to On Our Backs' standard of uninhibited female sexuality, but the phallic imagery and erotic violence coming from a magazine claiming to be "Entertainment for the Adventurous Lesbian" left me, well, limp. I should have stuck with the pictures; the text was even more amazing. There were several articles explaining how repressed and anal lesbians were before they got Sex-Positive, stopped worrying about the politics of what turns them on, embraced male sexuality as an ideal, and learned how to female ejaculate. It was labeled female ejaculation, I imagine, so nobody would get it confused with Real Ejaculation. "Discover what kinds of orgasms and which muscles enhance the G-Spot's role in female ejaculation. Learn why...not ejaculating can be unhealthy." Freud was right after all! There are Varieties of Orgasms. Some are Righter Than Others and the very pinnacle of orgasmic great- ness is the ejaculating kind-that is, the kind that most closely resembles a Real (male) Orgasm. It was promoted as a "liberating experience," this (female) ejaculating. One of the letters inquired about the hazards of using an ejacu- lating dildo on your partner-complete with a recipe for simulated ejaculate. (Male ejaculate, I would guess.) They were wondering if they could get an infection or something from it. Another letter-writer wondered if she could get away with wearing her strap-on, um, facsimile in public all day-just in case she ran into a woman who might want to feel her bulge. Is male sexuality desirable for lesbians? Do I have to aspire to male sexuality to be an "Adventurous Lesbian"? The movies were more of the same. No plot, no dialogue; lots of foreplay-less, semi-violent sex. More strap-ons being sucked, for whatever reason. The theme is pervasive: One woman is dressed up (or whatever!) like a boy, and she is dominating/hurting/fucking another woman who is dressed up like a girl. Whipping. Bondage. Shaving. Slavery. The best quality, most popular lesbian erotica is full of male-dominance and sexual violence. It is for sex- positive dykes only, and anyone who is disturbed by these images is one of those frigid feminists. Still-it was incredibly stimulating, I grudgingly admit. The more I hated it politically, the more I loved it sexually. I've been trained like one of Pavlov's dogs to respond to violence and male-dominant imagery sexually, even while my mind is resisting. Feminism and eroticism, we all know, are uneasy bed partners. So get over it already, I hear the sex-positive contingency say- ing. Stop wishing for politically correct orgasms, and just enjoy what turns you on. This is what concerns me: "By women for wom- en" pornographers who tell us feminism and sexuality are mutually exclusive, and to stop thinking about what gets us off, and just get off and shut up. To me, it sounds like the same old woman- hating message women have always been force-fed, rewarded and reinforced by orgasm-and this time it's coming from your friends. . Safer Sex? Hot Damn! by J.L. Richesson Say "home party" to your mom. She'll think of Tupperware, Prin- cess House, or Mary Kay. Now say "home party"again. And think of latex, Saran Wrap and safety. "What is the sexiest part of your body today?" We're at Megan's apartment and she begins the home party with a sex-positive, body awareness exercise. Sweaty necks, cleavage, love handles, pierced nipples and thoughts are the replies. The women with me are all friends-of each other-young professional women who look healthy and assured. Megan discusses the hows and wheres and whys of safe sex practice and then plops a big old black doctor's bag on the coffee table and opens it. Within are toys. We each get to take one. Mine's a Dammit-a sexy bit of underwear with a latex sheath pinned over the crotch. There are dildos, plugs, gloves, condoms, Handi-Wrap and handcuffs. I hear Megan say, "Remember, chocolate and whipped cream compromise latex." And someone else asks, "How safe is kissing?" Safer Sex Home Parties are a place where a small group of friends can learn to assess their risks and develop safe sex skills. "The rubber products at a Safer Sex Home Party are typically found in places hotter than your fridge," says the flyer put out by the Northwest AIDS Foundation, sponsor of these events. Hot Dam Workshops, also sponsored by NWAF, are designed for larger groups, usually 40-60. "These are usually not couples," says Laura Michalek, Education Coordinator at NWAF. "But they run the gamut in age and knowledge about HIV/AIDS issues." Hot Dam starts with AIDS 101, a primer on the disease, and then moves to Communication and Negotiation, the most important sec- tion, where participants learn to discuss their needs and desires with a partner, and negotiate practices to maintain safety.There is a panel discussion, a section on toys and fantasizing, and an explicit slide show which depicts "how" in living color. Network- ing and sharing experiences helps build the body of knowledge on ways to eroticize safer sex for participants. This is also infor- mation Michalek can take back and incorporate into the next party or workshop. Additionally, NWAF organizes outreach efforts. You may have met one of their volunteers, like maybe the cute baby dyke who of- fered you a safe sex kit at Hamburger Mary's, or the woman who asked you if you knew what a Dammit was at the Hands Off Washing- ton rally. Julie Patterson, NWAF Women's Programs Specialist, says "The most powerful tool in safe sex is talking about it." So, let's talk about it.What is safe sex? It's rubber and latex and plastic wrap and lubrication and washing up afterwards. It's seeing passion through a soft veil rather than the glare of a halogen night light; it's foreplay and around play and playing with the mind and senses; it's about discovering the many small sensitive erotic spots on your lover's body and then learning to feel their softness with all your senses and a gloved hand. It's about anticipation and imagination. It's about Glyde latex, so thin it's practically non-existent; or small balls inside the fingers of your glove; or lube on the right side of the Saran. It's empowering yourself to take charge of the most intimate and passionate part of your life; to assess your risks and determine your boundaries and stick with them. This is important because the motivation to learn these new behaviors comes from your perception of your risk. Why safe sex? Some contend that lesbians are at low risk for HIV/AIDS. Certainly the Center for Disease Control may think so. According to the CDC, as of September 1989, there were 79 report- ed cases of lesbians with AIDS and there is little evidence that lesbians get the disease. However the CDC only defines a woman with AIDS as lesbian if she has not had sex with any man for any reason in the last 10 years. Laura Michalek says, "Defining risk in terms of groups (e.g. lesbian, bisexual), rather than behavior is a serious mistake, and ignores the existence of lesbians as a community. No evidence does not equal no risk." The risks are: o Shared IV drug use. Sure, maybe you don't know many IDU's, but maybe you do. Maybe you've done a bit your- self, at a party, or a dance. o Sex with men. Whether you want to admit it or not, lesbians have occasional flings with men, or have sex with women who do. o Exposure to blood. Beware of sex while menstruating. Be aware of cuts, sores, bleed- ing gums from flossing. o Pregnancy. Turkey basters and the sperm of a male friend? Even if he's tested negative, remember the incubation of the disease can take six months. o Working in the sex industry, or loving someone who does is risky; rape or loving someone whose been raped poses risks. Michalek and Patterson run the home parties and Hot Dam workshops, which are free, on a budget of $4,000 a year. They re- ceive no funding from the Health Department because, according to CDC definitions, lesbians are not a risk group. Where is safe sex? In addition to the home parties and Hot Dam workshops, it's at a NWAF-sponsored screening of two Fatale videos, Safe Is Desire and How To Female Ejaculate, and a live safe sex demo held on August 27. It's in word of mouth-friends are telling friends to learn about safe sex. And it's in aware hearts of lesbians who are enjoying their ascendency and have learned to appreciate love with accoutrements. (A home party can be arranged by calling NWAF at 329-6923, ext 241. Schedules for Hot Dam workshops are also available by cal- ling NWAF. Safe Sex workshops are also held at the LRC every month on the 4th Thursday at 7:00 pm.) . Sex Positive in Seattle by Terri L. Smith Some are calling it the lesbian sexual revolution. Some are cal- ling it the sex-positive movement. Some just call it bad taste. The "sex radicals" who five years or so ago were on the fringes of the lesbian community no longer seem, well, quite so out there. That is not to suggest that the whole of the lesbian community has embraced the uninhibited, no-holds-barred sexuality of the sex radicals, but there certainly is a greater exploration of this new sexuality than ever before. JoAnn Loulan's Lesbian Sex was published the same year On Our Backs debuted, and for lesbians who blushed and tittered self- consciously when they first heard Loulan, "sexperts" like Susie Bright were inconceivable. But Bright has gained a certain amount of-dare we say it-respectability as a sexual spokesmodel. Magazines like On Our Backs and Bad Attitude which caused enor- mous controversy and turmoil in the community when they were launched, have, likewise, found an audience and, while some of their content still causes a stir, it is no longer so much a bat- tle over their very existence. The sex radicals, perhaps at times a bit overzealous in their role as rebels, sometimes overstated, overgeneralized or oversim- plified their portrayal of feminists as all as anti-sex and com- pletely repressed. They did not always recognize that feminism was never a monolith. They did not always acknowledge that femin- ists were, and are, concerned with real issues and real problems in society, and often made no distinction, really, between the philosophies of feminists and those of the Jesse Helms Right. Meanwhile, feminists questioned the lesbian credentials of the sex radicals, suspicious of what they deemed to be a very male form of sexuality, and sometimes made no distinction between the lesbian who were advocating a new sexuality and men who have ex- ploited and abused women in every facet of life for centuries. But the once sharp divisions between feminism and this new sex- uality have become increasingly fuzzy. While certainly, feminists like Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin have not abandoned the battle and there are many questions and concerns which are not answered or "settled", the new wave of feminism, character- ized by groups such as WAC, could be considered actually part of this "sexual revolution." In Seattle, the dykes of WAC (Snatch Bandits) and the dyke caucus of Queer Nation (That's Not Funny) got together to organize what became the first of several Dyke Raves, back in May. From the very beginning, organizers wanted to make the rave a sex positive event. Sarah Scanlon, one of the Dyke Rave organizers explains, "In re- cent times, sex has been associated with bad things. Sex positive means, to me, a guilt-free atmosphere where sex is condoned." She does specify that being sex positive does not mean that an individual has to participate in activities like group sex or anonymous sexual encounters; it simply means that they have to allow for that activity by others. That Dyke Rave, and the others which have followed, were warm-ups for Pussy Galore, the women-only steam bath, according to Valerie Douglas, who helped organize both the first rave and the steam bath. While the raves were primarily dance parties, with some other ac- tivities in back rooms, the steam bath was clearly meant to be about sex. "The Dyke Raves primed women for this," Douglas says. "They want- ed something that would be women only and be actual sex."The Pussy Galore organizers, a core of four or five women, arranged entertainment ahead of time, and women signed up to perform in the masturbation room, play room, as dancers, etc. "We wanted to make sure that when a woman walked in, if she didn't feel comfortable doing stuff, she could watch," Douglas says. But most of what happened was spontaneous and ranged from serious S/M play to women romping with a beach ball in a 3 foot deep pool. "People think of a male steam bath where it's just cruise, cruise, cruise-don't talk, just fuck," Douglas says, "but some of this was very chatty. The porn room was quiet, but the pool room was noisy, with lots of talking." So even though the gay male ex- ample of openness toward sex has been held up as a model by some, the sex positive movement isn't following entirely in gay men's footsteps. Douglas also described a game called Safe Connections, in which every woman at Pussy Galore was given a number and other women could leave messages for her at the message board, as a way of facilitating getting together. By the end of the evening, howev- er, pragmatism took over. "Women were using it to leave messages like "Where are you, you have my clothes' or "I thought we were supposed to be leaving at 4'," Douglas reports. Each of the over 500 women who entered Pussy Galore read and signed event guidelines. Organizers wanted to be certain women knew what they were walking into. Douglas acknowledges that whenever limits are tested, there are dangers. "It is an environment where . . . women can get caught up in what they are doing," she says. "But we tried to give women a lot of outs. Women could walk in and just watch . . . and we had ombudspeople walking around all night." Organizers also encouraged safer sex by making latex and informa- tion prominently available. Scanlon thinks these types of events can be be "training places, in a sense, to get women thinking about safer sex in a very supportive environment." Safer sex education efforts have their own role in the sex posi- tive movement. They get lesbians to talk about sex in very expli- cit, detailed ways. And because the message is meant to be responsible sex, not anti-sex, the education and outreach done by organizations like the Northwest AIDS Foundation are very sex af- firming. There are a lot of ideas about why this movement is happening now, and where it will go from here. It may, in part, be a back- lash or rebellion against lesbian sexual ethics of the 70s and 80s. Every generation rebels, to some degree, against the previ- ous, trying to carve out there own identity. And, to the extent that the sex positive movement and the ways it is manifested are rebellions, one can reasonably expect the next generation to re- bel against it, and take the community in some other direction. But, by all appearances, there is more going on here than rebel- lion against some sort of feminist status quo. According to some people, like Scanlon, this is also about politics. "It is very clear that lesbians have not been visible in any sense of the word," she says, "but with increasing visibility, we want to claim space to say we are a whole gamut of things." While 20 years ago, downplaying the "sex" part of sexual orienta- tion was a political strategy and a survival tactic for lesbians who were trying to be recognized as people and not just an amal- gam of sexual behaviors (and who were trying to be part of a women's movement that was still very skittish about the whole lesbian thing), today, some lesbians see a political mandate in claiming-or reclaiming-their right to be a sexual being without apologies and without limitations. Scanlon calls it a very "in-your-face" message to the Right, and while some people may charge that this overt sexuality plays into the hands to the Right Wing, Scanlon sees it differently. "The Right Wing is going to come up with anti-gay stuff no matter what. They're always going to find something they don't like," she says. "I don't think we should live our lives based on that, based on what other people think, letting someone control what you are doing based on fear." Scanlon and Douglas both predict that the trend established by events like the raves and steam bath will reach a peak and then wane, though perhaps not disappear entirely. And maybe only a few cities, like San Francisco and New York, will ever be able to support on-going lesbian sex clubs. So the question becomes: how does the sex-positive movement af- fect the great bulk of the community who may never set foot in- side a sex club or a rave. Options, Douglas and Scanlon suggest. It is about breaking ta- boos, testing limits, stretching boundaries. It is about possi- bilities and the freedom to explore. And perhaps that, if any- thing, will be the legacy of the sex positive movement-that it encouraged lesbians to explore their . What's Hot in SEX TOYS by Mindy Schaberg Today we're talking to Laura Miller of Good Vibrations, perhaps the definitive sex toy store on the West Coast. Laura, what's hot? Um hm. Really? Interesting. Never would have guessed. Thank you very much, good-bye. Fascinating, really. Too bad we're too repressed to talk about it. Oh, but wait, it's the nineties! Okay, here's what she said. Vibrators (plug in) Hitachi Magic Wand: Why? It's the vibes, girls. Powerful. And versatile! There's nowhere this tennis ball on a stick can't reach. Two speeds: penetrating and diffuse (i.e. pinpoint a small area or all-over stimulation, you know what I mean). Attachments available. The Cadillac of vibrators. Con: makes noise. ($40) Wahl-Coil: Quiet-for those of you whose living situation is less than private. Looks like a blow-dryer. Smaller than the Magic Wand with very fast vibes. Laura's personal favorite. (Are you sure we're allowed to print that, editor? Nineties, right, ok.) Good vibrating companies: Oster, Hitachi, Sunbeam, Wahl. (Hey, these are toaster companies!) Vibrators, battery-operated Pocket Rocket: This thing looks like a spark plug and it runs like one too. Powered by one teeny AA battery, but girl does it put out! See, the thing is that with battery-operated vibrators, the vibes are typically very soft. This is the problem the Pocket Rocket has solved. So well, in fact, it is the vibrator of choice for the entire Good Vibrations staff. ($16) Smoothie: Also popular. Abstract phallic shape. You can get a marbley colored one, too. Travel size. ($12) G-Spot Vibrator: Soft, vinyl, curved. Great for G-Spot massage. ($16) Dual-Action Vibrator: Too complicated to explain. Try it, you'll like it. Dildos Dildos 101: Here's what you need to know. Silicone is the best material because it's smooth, satiny, non porous, and warms quickly to body temperature. Good Vibrations carries four lines, three are designed by women, who rely heavily on customer feed- back. One of the things they've heard is to provide a variety of sizes. Therefore, dildos range in size from pinkie width to "quite long and thick." Left to the sex industry, dildos are available only in "huge" and "mammoth." Most popular dildo shape: penile. We do love to reclaim, don't we girls? There is a small, but committed, population who will not tolerate any but the dol- phin and whale shaped dildos and Good Vibrations doesn't let them down. Magic Carpet: Only a lesbian could design this masterpiece. Shaped like a maple donut with one side textured like those thongs that massage your feet, only nubbier. You wear it on your side of the harness. So she isn't the only one who gets the thrills, see. Some have a little dildo attached as well. What a sexual Einstein. ($22-$36) Harnesses Thigh Harness: Ecoutez et repetez! Frottage. Non Pas "froughtage." Ecoutez! Frah Taj. Encore-frah taj. Eh? Frahtaj. Bon. Now that we have the pronunciation down, we can discuss the age-old lesbian practice harnessed beautifully with this new dev- ice. Rubbing. A favorite. Maximized by strapping the dildo to the thigh. Already a success with the ladies. ($44) Surprising Best-SellersNipple Clamps: "Insanely popular." Ima- gine, if you will, rubber-tipped tweezer-like devices attached by chains. Want a pinch like a Novocaine shot? Clamp it down, girl! Or perhaps a gentle nip? Tighten only a smidge. Oooo those chains! Flirts with bondage, without the commitment of piercing! The ultimate cheap thrill. ($7.50, $8.50) How to Female Ejaculate (video): Watch four actual women actually masturbate to actual orgasm! Actually, you probably already have, if you attended the screening in August. This video is a coming out, of sorts, for the heretofore ignored (film) subject of fe- male sexual response. But you know that already. Stage your own private screening. (39.95) And so at last we come to the question that has been slowly building word by word in your brain: "Who is the bombshell who-" oops, wrong questions. Hang on. Here we go: "Where can I get it?" Until mid-August, our only option here in the wetlands of the Northwest was to send away for the Good Vibrations catalogue, pore over it, place an order either by phone or mail and then WAIT for endless days until UPS delivers that discreet brown package. Now, however, we have our very own sex toy store right here in Seattle. It just opened and it's called Toys in Babeland (at 711 E. Pike) and they have everything described above except the thigh harness (oh, and the Female Ejaculation video is available for rent, not for sale) but I bet you wouldn't have to pinch very hard to get them to special order whatever you might need. . The X-Spot by Terri L. Smith While not everyone would include Marie Mason on a list of femin- ist trailblazers, she is certainly a woman with a mission. And there is sort of a feminist ring to what she says. Mason, the 29-year-old owner of Hot Chixx Video, a erotic video distribution company, says she was fed up with the fact that only men are allowed access to erotic media. "Women are hot-blooded also," she says. "Erotica belongs to everyone." Videos catering to the tastes of men are, and have long been, readily available, but not so for videos targeting the lesbian market. "If you look, 98% of all [erotic] videos have women on the cover," she says, "so how are we supposed to know which ones are all women? A woman going into a video store might not want to ask the guy behind the counter which ones are lesbian, so she picks a video, gets home and two scenes into it-there's a guy." Mason's answer to this dilemma is Hot Chixx. From the comfort of their own homes, women can choose from a wide variety of erotic videos and "they know when they buy from me, its going to be all women," Mason says emphatically. Okay, so the fight for our own erotic videos may not be the van- guard of feminism, but the once virulently adversarial relation- ship between feminism and pornography (erotica, sexually explicit material, whatever-everyone has their own definitions) has softened some. Mason feels there has been a dramatic change in attitudes about pornography within the lesbian community over the past 20 years. Heather Findlay, editor of On Our Backs, is a bit more cautious. When Blush Entertainment, which publishes OOB and produces the Fatale line of erotic lesbian videos, first debuted, Findlay says, "we got all kinds of negative feedback from the lesbian community. Now our videos are showing to sold out, cheering audi- ences. But, the brouhaha in Seattle sounded so familiar, so much like the mid-80s . . . Sometimes I think, wow, we won the sex wars, and sometimes I think nothing has changed." The "brouhaha in Seattle" was, of course, the recent protest by Dykes Against Porn of an On Our Backs cover which featured model Dawn Wan surrounded by flames. Dykes Against Porn complained that the cover was racist because an Asian-American woman was pictured being "burned alive" to titillate white women. Findlay suggests that is a misinterpretation of the image. "I look at it and see an Asian-American woman who is strong . . . She has a don't-mess-with-me look," Findlay says. "The flames are representative of her desire, her sexuality." Wan herself con- ceived of the design, Findlay says, and was pleased with the way the cover turned out. "Anti-porn lesbians focus on the image or product and not the in- dustry," Findlay notes, "but I think they could have useful things to say about women in the porn industry being exploited as workers." And this is one of the key areas where, according to its makers, lesbian porn differs from the male world of pornography. "We don't think of our models as pieces of meat with no control over how they are portrayed," Findlay says. "We work closely with the models about what kind of scenario they want. Often it is designed and carried out by the model, or the model and photogra- pher together." But not all feminists are buying it. Those in the Andrea Dworkin camp assert that all sexually explicit representations are de- meaning and damaging to women. Others try to draw some line between "erotica" and "pornography." This is problematic, though, because just where that line is drawn is enormously subjective and may have more to do with an individual's own tastes than any sort of actual standard.Some critics charge that lesbian pornog- raphy too closely resembles straight male pornography and presents the same, very limited, image of what is sexy. Findlay disagrees. "Looking at issues of On Our Backs, I see a lot of diversity there," she says. "On Our Backs, Bad Attitude and Taste of Latex are all produced by queer women, and you've got images of older women, women of color. It doesn't reduce our community to a single type of woman." Lesbian production of erotic videos is still catching up with erotic lesbian magazines in both diversity of images and number of producers. According to Mason, there are only two all-lesbian companies making erotic videos. To be able to provide a variety of video offerings, Mason had to turn to companies which are not all lesbian. To ensure that her videos would appeal to a lesbian audience, Mason screened them all herself and selected what she determined were the best of the all-women videos. Not only does Mason feel that the videos are not exploitive or dangerous, she sees them filling a real need. "What they are do- ing is letting us act out our deepest fantasies without actually acting them out," she says, adding "I'd much rather have women watch videos and get a release that way rather than go out and be promiscuous." Additionally, many of the lesbians making sexually explicit ma- terial have been on the forefront of safer sex education. Mason encloses a dental dam with each order and, in the future, plans to enclose pamphlets with up-to-date information on AIDS and wom- en. OOB and Fatale have been putting out safer sex images since 1985 or '86, according to Findlay. "It's always been part of our edi- torial agenda," she says. Currently, Findlay is very excited about Fatale's new release, Safe is Desire, which is the first full-length safer sex video for lesbians. The bottom line, when the dust settles on all sides of the argu- ment, is that a lot of lesbians apparently want this type of sex- ually explicit material. Both Blush Entertainment and Hot Chixx Video, like other companies which produce and sell lesbian porn/erotica, report booming business. Hot Chixx is just over two years old, but has been so successful that Mason is negotiating to produce her own line of videos. "It will be lesbian all the way," she says of the proposed line. "If I'm going to do it, I want to do it right, and I want to do it all lesbian." For On Our Backs, which boasts a readership of around 30,000, Findlay has three goals. "I'd like to see On Our Backs become more queer," she says. "It will always be by and for lesbians, but I would like to see more representations of the overlap of lesbians and transvestites, transsexuals, and bi women." She would also like OOB to "get as raunchy as we can" and main- tain their reputation for controversy. (Currently "anything with animals" draws the most heat.) "In the early 80s, it was easy to make lesbians think by showing them something that offended or excited them, but its gotten harder to do over the years," she says. "I want On Our Backs to be a magazine that continues to make lesbians think." .