Subject: Our January Lettertorial
From: [email-masked]
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 13:02:37 EST

To be published in the January 2000 issue of The Letter - Kentucky's gay, 
lesbian, bisexual & transgender newspaper.  --David Williams, Editor

The Lettertorial

Bozo for President

by David Williams, Editor

When you look at the current lineup of contenders for the 2000 Republican 
presidential nomination, it's hard to decide whether to laugh or cry.  For 
gays and lesbians there's not much choice.

Way over on the right edge of the stage are Gary Bauer and Alan Keyes, who 
seem to have lifted their ideas on gay and lesbian issues straight from the 
Spanish Inquisition's torture manual.  Then there's Steve Forbes, scion of a 
gay father, whose panderings to the religious right are a national joke.  If 
any of these three get elected, we ought to seriously consider asking Fidel 
Castro for political asylum the day before the inauguration.  Maybe a large 
influx of gays and lesbians will convince him to bring back the casinos.

Of course, none of them have a chance at becoming leader of the still-free 
world.  Thank Jesus for small favors.

Not much closer to the center are Orrin Hatch and John McCain, who appear to 
be more sensible on gay issues until you scratch them:  yep, same cold blood 
as the others.  Hatch can't do much for us:  he'd lose his Mormon credit 
card.  McCain may have expressed a desire to meet with the Log Cabin 
Republicans, a gay group, but what for?  Nice gesture, but no one's fooled.

That leaves W.--George W. Bush, who here lately has been shoving his way over 
to the extreme right hand side.  Were it not for the ability of his father 
and his father's friends to attract millions of dollars to his campaign, no 
one would be taking this man seriously.  He's an intellectual lightweight 
with as much leadership ability as Warren Harding.  Bush is the giant 
corporations' stooge.  They're already projecting their profits.  His cabinet 
will tell the story there:  you can bet it won't look like America.

May we suggest an alternative?  Bozo the Clown.  He may not know much about 
politics, but he'll be a hell of a lot more fun.  Plus we'll all get free 
cake and ice cream--regardless of our sexual orientations.  Bozo don't care, 
so long as everyone's having a good time.

Wasn't that what the American experiment was supposed to be all about?  Life, 
liberty, and the pursuit of fun?  Unfortunately, somewhere along the line the 
Republicans forgot about that.  Look at the bozos they're trying to foist on 
us this year.  Sure, they possess the requisite amount of silliness, but 
they're also dangerously stupid.  Not someone you'd want to entertain your 
kids.

Let's send them a message in 2000.  Bozo's election may not wake them up: 
once you forget how to have fun, it's hard to learn it back.  But most 
certainly it would clear the stage for more attractive Republican contenders 
in 2004.  That's the best we can hope from the once grand old party.

END