Subject: Our Commentary on the Southern Baptists
From: [email-masked]
Date: Fri, 16 Jun 2000 09:37:13 EDT

To be published in the July issue of The Letter - Kentucky's gay, lesbian, 
bisexual & transgender newspaper

Understanding the Southern Baptists

Health advocate that I am, the Southern Baptists' thunderous reaffirmation of 
straight male privilege at this year's annual convention in San Diego gave me 
yet another chance to clean my body of a little carbon dioxide with a 
languorous yawn.  At one time--about 400 years ago--the Baptists were at the 
cutting edge of social change as they fought for separation from the Roman 
Catholic Church.  But lately, like George Orwell's pigs, their leaders have 
started to strut like the orthodox popes they once revolted against.  The 
only things missing from Al Mohler's wardrobe are a cape and miter and a ring 
suitable for kissing.

Such transmutations are as predictable as the natural cycle of death and 
rebirth.  We needn't worry too much about this denomination in the long run.  
They'll be facing a new protestant revolt soon enough.

There's a need in any society, I suppose, for groups like the Southern 
Baptists.  Nearly everyone seeks certitude of some kind in a world full of 
uncertainties:  it makes us feel safer.  That understandable quest keeps 
society from breaking down completely.  Revolutions come when old certainties 
are found to be no longer functional.

If some believe that God gave straight human males dominion over everything 
from sunfish to the sun, so be it.  It makes things nice and tidy.  Others 
believe the moon travels the night sky on the back of a turtle.  That's neat 
and orderly, too.  You get a warm feeling of peace in holding fast to any 
philosophy, however immature, ignorant, or delusional--especially if you're a 
straight man or a turtle.

It's a mistake for gays, lesbians, women and Jews to expend too much 
anger--or editorial commentary--on this or any other group that says it alone 
knows the truth.  Most Americans don't trust such jive:  we revolt at the 
very idea.  So far our democracy has developed relatively adequate safeguards 
against takeovers by such groups, but of course we have to remain ever 
vigilant.

Let the Baptists enjoy their house of illusion.  It seems to make them happy 
and keeps them off the streets during underwear nights at the local gay bars. 
 Plus it allows their ministers and theologians the ability to buy $500 
suits, which makes all those Asian sweat shop owners happy, too.

As for myself, I think God gave up long ago and moved to Key West to pal 
around with Jimmy Buffett at Papa Doc's.  I know that for a fact: the sunsets 
are the best.  I think I'll join them.

Religious follies never cease to entertain and amuse.

--David Williams, Editor