Subject: M* More on Lambda Legal Defense
From: HawaiiGay1 <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 1998 03:08:22 EST

Aloha Folks,

After sending the item a few days ago about the Washington Blade's continual
opposition and bias against the Ithaca case and re-support of Lambda Legal
Defense's challenge to hinder the support for the Ithaca (Storrs') case I was
contacted by another who had sought Lambda Legal Defense support.  

This in one of eight notes I have gotten since that post that brings a lot of
information about the lack of support and actual opposition experienced when
discriminated Gay men and women have called upon Lambda Legal Defense.

This item was redrafted by the author for resubmission to this list - personal
information was deleted to protect her family and in particular - her
children.

do good

William E. Woods, MPH
GLEA Foundation - Hawaii Gay Marriage Project

-----

William,
   I have had a similar dissapointment with Lambda Legal Defense - on a 
personal level. I appealed to Lambda for assistance in my custody case, and 
Lambda was of no assistance - in relevant referrals nor in helping me find 
financing. 
   In fact, the Lambda representative (not an attorney) I talked with
initially 
advised me to not even try for custody, stating he didn't feel that a gay 
custody case could be won. 
  It was a very "newsworthy" case because of the family involved, so I can't 
even assume Lambda's disinterest was because it wasn't "big enough" news for 
their PR machine to be interested in. It was a winnable case, because I had
led 
a pretty white bread life and am a good parent, and the father had not, and
was 
not. I am an average working person who was divorcing from a giant family in 
American business. I supported and raised the children, while the father put 
them in day care and "socialized." His family offered no financial assistance 
during the marriage, despite the fact he refused to work and they knew I was 
struggling. So essentially I raised them as a single parent would. But they 
opened up their resources - and political contacts - to him when we divorced.
   Outcome of the case - I lost. I did not have the connections to fight the 
politics involved, despite having the full support of the GAL, and being
praised 
by the judge for being an exemplary parent (which was not his opinion of the 
father, and he expressed as much). There was no explanation for the decision.
   I called Lambda about help with an appeal.. and received no assistance at 
all. A local organization offered to finance an appeal in a loan I could repay
over time, and NGLTF referred an appropriate attorney, who felt the appeal
could 
be won, but would take some time and be very expensive. 
   I decided against appeal because the children have been through enough -
the 
case took three hostile years to resolve, and since I started trying to
organize 
an appeal, their father turned them over to a nurturing, loving family member
to 
raise. They are safe, and I have visitation and a strong relationship with
them, 
so I am letting it rest. They are still unhappy that they aren't with me, and 
have to endure gay and mom bashing on the part of other paternal family
members, 
but they are dealing with that appropriately.
   But I was happy to see that at least the National Gay and Lesbian Task
Force 
and local organizations were trying to help gays and lesbians on an individual
level - which Lambda apparently has no concern for. I also received good 
referrals and advice from NOW, who by its nature can't make lesbian issues its
entire focus since it also represents straight women. This assistance helped
me 
at least gain the visitation rights I do have.
   What are we fighting for here but our rights? And what is a more basic
right 
than the right to raise our children - or to marry? These are fundamental
human 
issues and Lambda does not appear to support them. Yet I see them fighting for
causes of gay baths remaining open and similar activities. Their focus seems
to 
be on preservation of fringe gay culture - which has not always been 
representative of the mainstream gay community - in fact, stereotypes from 
fringe gay culture hurt me in the custody case. Lambda does not appear to 
represent gay rights as a whole; and more exactly focuses on male gay issues, 
with lesbian issues grossly underrepresented.
   The entire experience was enlightening as to the focus and direction of the
various legal organizations within the gay community, and I, for one, do not 
wish to see Lambda representing my interests. They don't anyway to a large 
degree, and what they do say runs counter to what I believe to be right.

Thanks.. just had to vent... 
(name withheld to protect the children)