From: HawaiiGay1 Date: Mon, 12 Jan 1998 03:08:22 EST Subject: M* More on Lambda Legal Defense Aloha Folks, After sending the item a few days ago about the Washington Blade's continual opposition and bias against the Ithaca case and re-support of Lambda Legal Defense's challenge to hinder the support for the Ithaca (Storrs') case I was contacted by another who had sought Lambda Legal Defense support. This in one of eight notes I have gotten since that post that brings a lot of information about the lack of support and actual opposition experienced when discriminated Gay men and women have called upon Lambda Legal Defense. This item was redrafted by the author for resubmission to this list - personal information was deleted to protect her family and in particular - her children. do good William E. Woods, MPH GLEA Foundation - Hawaii Gay Marriage Project ----- William, I have had a similar dissapointment with Lambda Legal Defense - on a personal level. I appealed to Lambda for assistance in my custody case, and Lambda was of no assistance - in relevant referrals nor in helping me find financing. In fact, the Lambda representative (not an attorney) I talked with initially advised me to not even try for custody, stating he didn't feel that a gay custody case could be won. It was a very "newsworthy" case because of the family involved, so I can't even assume Lambda's disinterest was because it wasn't "big enough" news for their PR machine to be interested in. It was a winnable case, because I had led a pretty white bread life and am a good parent, and the father had not, and was not. I am an average working person who was divorcing from a giant family in American business. I supported and raised the children, while the father put them in day care and "socialized." His family offered no financial assistance during the marriage, despite the fact he refused to work and they knew I was struggling. So essentially I raised them as a single parent would. But they opened up their resources - and political contacts - to him when we divorced. Outcome of the case - I lost. I did not have the connections to fight the politics involved, despite having the full support of the GAL, and being praised by the judge for being an exemplary parent (which was not his opinion of the father, and he expressed as much). There was no explanation for the decision. I called Lambda about help with an appeal.. and received no assistance at all. A local organization offered to finance an appeal in a loan I could repay over time, and NGLTF referred an appropriate attorney, who felt the appeal could be won, but would take some time and be very expensive. I decided against appeal because the children have been through enough - the case took three hostile years to resolve, and since I started trying to organize an appeal, their father turned them over to a nurturing, loving family member to raise. They are safe, and I have visitation and a strong relationship with them, so I am letting it rest. They are still unhappy that they aren't with me, and have to endure gay and mom bashing on the part of other paternal family members, but they are dealing with that appropriately. But I was happy to see that at least the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and local organizations were trying to help gays and lesbians on an individual level - which Lambda apparently has no concern for. I also received good referrals and advice from NOW, who by its nature can't make lesbian issues its entire focus since it also represents straight women. This assistance helped me at least gain the visitation rights I do have. What are we fighting for here but our rights? And what is a more basic right than the right to raise our children - or to marry? These are fundamental human issues and Lambda does not appear to support them. Yet I see them fighting for causes of gay baths remaining open and similar activities. Their focus seems to be on preservation of fringe gay culture - which has not always been representative of the mainstream gay community - in fact, stereotypes from fringe gay culture hurt me in the custody case. Lambda does not appear to represent gay rights as a whole; and more exactly focuses on male gay issues, with lesbian issues grossly underrepresented. The entire experience was enlightening as to the focus and direction of the various legal organizations within the gay community, and I, for one, do not wish to see Lambda representing my interests. They don't anyway to a large degree, and what they do say runs counter to what I believe to be right. Thanks.. just had to vent... (name withheld to protect the children)