Subject: Some Ellen Humor Already!!
From: [email-masked]
Date: Fri, 2 May 1997 20:56:20 -0400 (EDT)

Some Ellen Humor already!!

  The Top 15 Surprises on the Special Episode of "Ellen"  

  
15> Episode pre-empted in Birmingham, Alabama, for weekly showing 
    of Deliverance.  
  
14> Ellen's not gay at all!  He's just a lonely guy who wanted to 
    get in the sack with Laura Dern.  
  
13> Unable to "fight biology," Ellen quits the book store to become
    a gym teacher.  
  
12> In surprise ending, Laura Dern is devoured by jealous female
    Tyrannosaurus Rex.  
  
11> Ralph Reed guests as a recruiter from The Citadel.  
  
10> "Coming up next... a *VERY* special "Blossom."  
  
 9> Ellen makes an impassioned plea for recognizing homosexuals as
    normal people, then, to prove her point, she goes berserk and 
    Uzi's a Wendy's.  
  
 8> Ellen's not only a lesbian -- she's also the Lesbian Club 
    president.  
  
 7> The name of the show is changed to "Hot Girl-Girl Action!"  
  
 6> Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson get into a fistfight over who
    gets to throw the first stone.  
  
 5> Special cameo appearance by Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.  
  
 4> Daisy Duck admits to a shocked Michael Eisner that she's never
    REALLY been attracted to Donald.  
  
 3> OMIGOD!  Ellen's GAY?!?!?  Why hasn't this been in the news??  
  
 2> New, openly gay Ellen can *STILL* date Michael Jackson.  

  and the Number 1 Surprise on the Special Episode of "Ellen"...  

 1> Entire episode sponsored by Duracell and Snap-On Tools.