Subject: gay marriage conference
From: [email-masked]
Date: Fri, 12 May 1995 15:26:33 -0400

reprinted from update, southern california's oldest gay and lesbian weekly
for permission to reprint email [email-masked]

Online Service Hosts Gay 
Marriage Rights Conference

By Petr Pronsati
Editor

NEW YORK - Over fifty people gathered in an America 
Online (AOL) cyber-conference room on Friday night, for what 
might have been the first-ever online Gay marriage rights 
conference. Along with two guides from the Gay and Lesbian 
Community Forum, AOL's Gay sub-board, Evan Wolfson, senior 
staff attorney at Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, was 
on hand to answer questions regarding the case pending in Hawaii 
and Gay marriage rights in general.
Wolfson, as always, began by encouraging everyone to support 
Lambda's Marriage Resolution. The resolution states, simply, 
"Because marriage is a fundamental right under our Constitution, 
and because the Constitution guarantees equal protection of the 
law, Resolved, the State should permit Gay and Lesbian couples 
marry and share fully and equally in the rights and 
responsibilities of marriage."
In addition to the conference, Wolfson granted Update a few 
minutes to answer some questions not addressed during the 45-
minute Q&A. And while he does sometimes sound like a brochure 
for Gay marriage, his arguments are compelling and worthwhile. 
Talking about what Gays and Lesbians not living in Hawaii can do 
to help promote marriage rights, he said that the main thing was 
to get as many people as possible signed on to the Marriage 
Resolution. Beyond that, he said, "The next most important 
thing is to help build a coalition to keep your state legislature and 
Congress from trying to thwart recognition of marriages 
performed in Hawaii." He explained that for those unsure how to 
accomplish that task, Lambda, GLAAD and the local Gay and 
Lesbian center could be of assistance.
The need for persistence in the battle was apparent to any of 
the Gays and Lesbians in the audience, due to the fact that they 
were besieged with hate from right wing radicals who also 
participated. The way conference rooms are set up on AOL, the 
people in the audience are separated from the actual participants, 
but not from each other. Therefore, members of the audience 
can engage in lively debate even while questions are being 
answered by the participants. There is a feature that will allow 
these asides to be ignored, however, and after seeing some of the 
comments, the easily agitated would be well advised to make use 
of it. Interspersed with the information from Lambda were 
comments from members with colorful screen names like 
"R4JESUS." Most of the comment were of the garden variety 
however, and not anything most Gays haven't heard before. 
"Sodom and Gomora (sic) were destroyed for this" and 
"Homosexuality is not a "Human" natural act it is more like 
animals or less," were about the level of the rebuttals.
One wonders how Wolfson would have handled the hecklers, if 
he could have seen their comments. He is articulate, but in past 
conversations has shown impatience for anyone challenging his 
position. As an illustration, he will not even discuss the possibility 
of losing the case in Hawaii. He said, "I know it's interesting, but I 
kind of think it isn't too profitable right now to worry about losing 
in Hawaii. Better to focus our attention on the work that needs to 
be done in every other state. Let's not get sidetracked. We should 
always remember this is a long haul fight - and stick with it 
through our victories as well as our setbacks."
He also has no time for those in the community who say that 
the current political climate is wrong for litigating a case of this 
nature. "Well, whether or not it's the 'wrong time,' it's the time we 
are in, and the case IS going forward. So, again, better not to 
obsess about things we can't control, and work on the things we 
can . Besides, it often seems like there is never a 'right' time. 
Martin Luther King, Jr. addressed his 'Letter from a Birmingham 
Jail' not to racist bigots, but to his fellow clergy who were telling 
him that 'now is not the right time.' He wrote, 'The time is always 
ripe to do right,' and published his famous letter in a book 
entitled, Why We Can't Wait."
Unfortunately, most Gays and Lesbians feel that all we have 
done is wait, through court rulings, legislative attacks and 
seemingly endless delays. The case finally seems on track to be 
heard in September, but Wolfson did clarify that it is the lower 
court that will be hearing this argument, not the Hawaii State 
Supreme Court, as most people had thought. The Supreme Court 
sent the case back to the lower court on May 5, 1993 - actually the 
conference commemorated the two-year anniversary of that 
ruling - telling the state to come up with a compelling reason for 
the discrimination.
Wolfson said that he is hopeful of a victory because he feels the 
state has no compelling reason for the discrimination. The ruling 
will almost certainly be appealed again, however, and it will 
probably be 18 months before the whole thing is finished.
In the meantime, Wolfson is a tireless educator on the need for 
marriage rights for all. It's interesting to note that some of the 
people who need the most education are those in the Gay and 
Lesbian community themselves. Many people do not understand 
the legal ramifications of being allowed to marry as opposed to 
the narrowly defined domestic partnership laws that exist in some 
cities. He cited taxation, inheritance and death benefits as among 
the most obvious. But also there are government benefits such as 
social security, veteran's benefits and Medicare to be considered 
also. Besides, Wolfson explained, "Being denied marriage is 
being labeled a second-class citizen - even not fully human - 
aside from the specific important benefits. There are also legal 
responsibilities: spousal support, child support, alimony, etc. 
We want people to have a choice for themselves, not have the 
choice denied because of discrimination based on who they are 
or whom they love."
Moreover, it has other social significance. He went on, "I think 
it gives us an opportunity to challenge stereotypes, and also to 
point out the hypocrisy in the radical right's labeling us as selfish, 
immoral, unstable, promiscuous, etc. while at the same time 
denying us every attempt to protect and support our families - 
through marriage, through care for our children, through access 
to health benefits, etc."
Most of these statements are made to try to crystallize the 
mission for our community, who he doesn't want to see wasting 
time "argu[ing] fruitlessly about whether we should get ready and 
then be overwhelmed." He is confident that Gays and Lesbians 
will eventually win the right to marry. His only doubt is whether 
they will be ready to protect that right once they get it.