From: Gayeditor@aol.com Date: Fri, 12 May 1995 15:26:33 -0400 Subject: gay marriage conference reprinted from update, southern california's oldest gay and lesbian weekly for permission to reprint email gayeditor@aol.com Online Service Hosts Gay Marriage Rights Conference By Petr Pronsati Editor NEW YORK - Over fifty people gathered in an America Online (AOL) cyber-conference room on Friday night, for what might have been the first-ever online Gay marriage rights conference. Along with two guides from the Gay and Lesbian Community Forum, AOL's Gay sub-board, Evan Wolfson, senior staff attorney at Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, was on hand to answer questions regarding the case pending in Hawaii and Gay marriage rights in general. Wolfson, as always, began by encouraging everyone to support Lambda's Marriage Resolution. The resolution states, simply, "Because marriage is a fundamental right under our Constitution, and because the Constitution guarantees equal protection of the law, Resolved, the State should permit Gay and Lesbian couples marry and share fully and equally in the rights and responsibilities of marriage." In addition to the conference, Wolfson granted Update a few minutes to answer some questions not addressed during the 45- minute Q&A. And while he does sometimes sound like a brochure for Gay marriage, his arguments are compelling and worthwhile. Talking about what Gays and Lesbians not living in Hawaii can do to help promote marriage rights, he said that the main thing was to get as many people as possible signed on to the Marriage Resolution. Beyond that, he said, "The next most important thing is to help build a coalition to keep your state legislature and Congress from trying to thwart recognition of marriages performed in Hawaii." He explained that for those unsure how to accomplish that task, Lambda, GLAAD and the local Gay and Lesbian center could be of assistance. The need for persistence in the battle was apparent to any of the Gays and Lesbians in the audience, due to the fact that they were besieged with hate from right wing radicals who also participated. The way conference rooms are set up on AOL, the people in the audience are separated from the actual participants, but not from each other. Therefore, members of the audience can engage in lively debate even while questions are being answered by the participants. There is a feature that will allow these asides to be ignored, however, and after seeing some of the comments, the easily agitated would be well advised to make use of it. Interspersed with the information from Lambda were comments from members with colorful screen names like "R4JESUS." Most of the comment were of the garden variety however, and not anything most Gays haven't heard before. "Sodom and Gomora (sic) were destroyed for this" and "Homosexuality is not a "Human" natural act it is more like animals or less," were about the level of the rebuttals. One wonders how Wolfson would have handled the hecklers, if he could have seen their comments. He is articulate, but in past conversations has shown impatience for anyone challenging his position. As an illustration, he will not even discuss the possibility of losing the case in Hawaii. He said, "I know it's interesting, but I kind of think it isn't too profitable right now to worry about losing in Hawaii. Better to focus our attention on the work that needs to be done in every other state. Let's not get sidetracked. We should always remember this is a long haul fight - and stick with it through our victories as well as our setbacks." He also has no time for those in the community who say that the current political climate is wrong for litigating a case of this nature. "Well, whether or not it's the 'wrong time,' it's the time we are in, and the case IS going forward. So, again, better not to obsess about things we can't control, and work on the things we can . Besides, it often seems like there is never a 'right' time. Martin Luther King, Jr. addressed his 'Letter from a Birmingham Jail' not to racist bigots, but to his fellow clergy who were telling him that 'now is not the right time.' He wrote, 'The time is always ripe to do right,' and published his famous letter in a book entitled, Why We Can't Wait." Unfortunately, most Gays and Lesbians feel that all we have done is wait, through court rulings, legislative attacks and seemingly endless delays. The case finally seems on track to be heard in September, but Wolfson did clarify that it is the lower court that will be hearing this argument, not the Hawaii State Supreme Court, as most people had thought. The Supreme Court sent the case back to the lower court on May 5, 1993 - actually the conference commemorated the two-year anniversary of that ruling - telling the state to come up with a compelling reason for the discrimination. Wolfson said that he is hopeful of a victory because he feels the state has no compelling reason for the discrimination. The ruling will almost certainly be appealed again, however, and it will probably be 18 months before the whole thing is finished. In the meantime, Wolfson is a tireless educator on the need for marriage rights for all. It's interesting to note that some of the people who need the most education are those in the Gay and Lesbian community themselves. Many people do not understand the legal ramifications of being allowed to marry as opposed to the narrowly defined domestic partnership laws that exist in some cities. He cited taxation, inheritance and death benefits as among the most obvious. But also there are government benefits such as social security, veteran's benefits and Medicare to be considered also. Besides, Wolfson explained, "Being denied marriage is being labeled a second-class citizen - even not fully human - aside from the specific important benefits. There are also legal responsibilities: spousal support, child support, alimony, etc. We want people to have a choice for themselves, not have the choice denied because of discrimination based on who they are or whom they love." Moreover, it has other social significance. He went on, "I think it gives us an opportunity to challenge stereotypes, and also to point out the hypocrisy in the radical right's labeling us as selfish, immoral, unstable, promiscuous, etc. while at the same time denying us every attempt to protect and support our families - through marriage, through care for our children, through access to health benefits, etc." Most of these statements are made to try to crystallize the mission for our community, who he doesn't want to see wasting time "argu[ing] fruitlessly about whether we should get ready and then be overwhelmed." He is confident that Gays and Lesbians will eventually win the right to marry. His only doubt is whether they will be ready to protect that right once they get it.