Title/Topic:    I'm no expert, but Susie is
Source:         SF Weekly
Contributer:    Jeffrey Herwatt
Date:                   07:34 PM Yesterday


(The following is from the SF Weekly, a Straight Weekly free paper in San
Francisco, to quote Nan Susie "didn't mince words did she! I must say I was a
little taken aback by some of her anecdotes but ...", the words used to
describe sexual organs can be considered "vulgar", please don't read is graphic
terms offend you.)

Background:
Susie Bright  is a Lesbian Sexpert, having published numerous book, and being
one of the founders of On Our Backs.

I'm No Sexpert But Susie Is
by Nan Parks

So I was having lunch with Kim Corsaro, the publisher of the San Francisco Bay
Times (who took me to a charming little restaurant South of Market, as they
say, and it was her treat even though I was the one who asked for a meeting
with her, which was so nice! Thanks Kim!), and at the restaurant we ran into a
friend of Kim's named Susie, who Kim told me later was just THE expert on
lesbian sex and had even writ- ten books about it (which surprised me because
she seemed so gracious and was there with her adorable little girl, and well
just didn't seem like the "type" to be a sex expert, not that there's anything
wrong with that, anyway!). So later it occurred to me that even though it's
sort of an embarrassing subject, there ARE a few things I've sort of wondered
about when it comes to lesbian sex, and of course all this would be too
personal to ask my sister Carol, but Susie being an EXPERT on the subject, she
must deal with it all the time and it wouldn't be at all embarrassing to ask
HER questions, just like it's okay to go to the gynecologist once you get used
to it.


So then I was having coffee with Lois (who I can talk to about ANYTHING), and
Lois was doing her imitation of the coffee commercial where the gals remember
their trip to Paris and try and think of the name of their favorite waiter --
and then she noticed I wasn't paying attention (I was supposed to say "Jean
Luc!" We do this every time we have coffee together), and I told her my idea,
and she thought it was great, so we got out paper and made a list of questions
about lesbian sex which will probably seem pretty silly to you folks
(particularly you girls), but I'll tell you there are a lot of straight women
out there who have a bit of curiosity, so anyway our list was as follows:

Nan: When one of you is making love to the other one (whatever it is that is
being done), why isn't the one who is doing "it" bored, because presumably
(although I may be wrong) that person isn't actually having anything
"interesting" done to her?

Lois: Does "tribadism" really work? Is this a common lesbian sex practice? Can
all women do it? (i.e. could women do it with guys?) (I had never heard of
"tribadism" but Lois had read about it somewhere and Lois is a lot more "hip"
than I am anyway and once even reached "climax" in a plane during a patch of
turbulence by leaning against the armrest or something -- she tells everyone
this story so I'm not breaching any confidences here.)


Nan: Do lesbians ever "pretend" to be satisfied when they're not? And if so,
can another lesbian - tell that her partner is not really "done" but is just
pretending -- (I'm curious because Carol says lesbians NEVER pretend that, and
anyway if they tried the other lesbian would ALWAYS be able to tell, and I know
quite a few women on my side of the fence who do it all the time although I
personally haven't since the early days of my marriage and Doug is such a great
guy anyway so that if I'm not completely "in the mood" sometime. it's OK by him
and his ego isn't bothered by it anyway!)


Lois: Do you (Susie) think that a woman can be emotionally a lesbian but
physically heterosexual? What could be done about that in your opinion?

Nan: What happens, in theory let's say, if one gal makes love to another one,
and the other one -- i.e., the one who was made love TO, is sort of "up in the
clouds" afterwards -- then does the one that just made love have to wait around
until the other one has recovered? What if she's not feeling "that way" by
then? It doesn't seem fair!

Lois: Do you (Susie) think that it's common for young women who are straight to
experiment with lesbian sex -- even though they're straight and may go on to
raise families, etc.? (I told Lois that I didn't think her questions were
really SEXUAL and reminded her we were consulting a SEX expert, but she said
these questions were about SEXUALITY, and said she was sure Susie knew all
about such things and would have an interesting perspective, and plus she
didn't have any questions about SEX ACTS except for the first one because she
had never done that -- anyway!)

Dear Nan: About Your Sister, Carol...

I hardly have time anymore to answer personal letters, but after getting your
call this evening, I figured if my three-year-old can watch Aladdin without
blinking for the 19th time, I can give you a few quick thoughts before I tuck
her in bed and begin my usual routine of all-night, wall-to-wall,
damn-the-torpedoes lesbian love- making.

I was interested in your questions about getting bored in bed, and faking it. I
don't think particular sex acts are always the true barometer of whether you're
having a good time. I've had my pussy . eaten and almost fallen asleep
sometimes, when I wasn't "in the mood," as you say. I've also been so excited I
could hardly breathe when I've brought my lover off with some slow and constant
deliberations.

When you give Doug, your husband, a blow-job, does he have to be actively
touching you for you to get excited? I mean, you do go down on each other,
right? Please get back to me on this. I am certainly guilty of lying flat on my
back in the "DO ME" position, but I am not entirely made of estrogen, and
neither are you. ... Of course lesbians fake it!  We're dykey, not Betazoids.
I've certainly pushed lovers away when things just weren't panning out and let
them think otherwise. The truth can be cruel, and is frequently denied.


Your sister Carol, who claims lesbians are exempt from this behavior, reminds
me of a Carol I knew once -- wouldn't it be amazing if it were the same one?
The Carol I knew was so busy keeping up a public relations program in bed that
I had my doubts that she could ever let down her guard enough to have an
uninhibited orgasm. She TOLD me when she came, but I didn't quite believe her,
even though she pushed my hand away and gave a little faux gasp.


I told her I didn't care whether she had come or not, I was still amusing
myself f. I tied her hands to my four-poster bed (I'm looking at your
photograph right now, comparing your manicure to hers -- it really is amazingly
similar!), and put my most relentless vibrator on her clit. "Now don't come
again, whatever you do," I told her. She bit into one of my down pillows, and
when I saw the feathers come spewing out of her mouth, I very carefully
unplugged and unbound her and sent her home in a cab.


On another subject... well, of course tribadism works! Rub a dub dub any two in
a tub can get it on with a little friction, or as your friend Lois discovered,
even alone with a nice piece of frequent flier furniture. Again, I must ask,
don't you ever slide up and down on Dougie Daddy's knee, just for fun? Get back
to me on this, too;

Now about this "emotional lesbian,- sexual straight girl" crap: A heterosexual
woman can certainly develop a taste for the gay aesthetic and even a queer
sense of humor. Most of the ones I know are die-hard feminists. But if your
emotions have anything to do with your pussy, you cannot want one thing in your
heart and crave another in your clit.  Most women I know who say they feel this
way are (a) bisexual and (b) have not had any uninhibited lesbian sex lately,
if at all. Grease them up and send them to the next Jill-Off party.


Lois' other question was about young women's sexual experiences. No one really
knows how "common" it is for puberty-struck girls to have lesbian sex, but the
term "experimental" is a rather heterosexist way to describe it. The first few
years any person is sexually active, everything they do, with either sex, could
be called "experimental." Or, you could call it living proof of something
deeper. That same girl who played doctor in junior high may go on to a husband
and family, and 20 years later meet an irresistible lesbian M.D. and run off to
Fire Island with her. What kind of experiment do you call that'?


I just have to ask you one more question about Carol. Maybe you could ask her
and then let me know, discreetly of course. Next time you're having one of your
famous sister-to-sister lunches, just lean over. real nonchalant-like, look her
straight in the eye, and ask her, "Carol, honey, are you a butch bottom'?"
Then check for feathers.

Clits up! Susie "Sexpert" Bright

Nan Replies:

I just wanted to add a big Thank You! to Susie for taking the time to answer
our questions since I'm sure she's really busy with her books and sex things
and not to mention being a full-time Mom which I'll tell you can take a lot
more energy than sex sometimes! -- at least for me -- but I guess I'm not in a
position to say that for Susie, am I?


Anyway Susie sure gave Lois and I something to think about and GOODNESS! she
didn't mince words did she! I must say I was a little taken aback by some of
her anecdotes but then I thought about what the guys at Doug's office would
think and I got a little chuckle (Hi guys! Still reading?). So anyway Lois read
it over and over again and then she sighed and she said, "You know Nan, no one
has ever made feathers spew out of my mouth" in sort of a sad voice, and I told
her to show the article to Ted -- why not! -- and she said Ted couldn't do
feathers if his life depended on it, and then she asked if I was going to "get
back" to Susie on those questions and I said they were a bit too personal for a
response in print but maybe I'd ask her out for coffee sometime and Lois said
PLEASE to invite her too because now it seems she's dying to hear more
"stories" from Susie!


And anyway, I asked Carol if she was the one in the feather story (because you
never know) and she said of course not, and then I asked her if she was a
"butch bottom" (whatever that means), and she turned red and told me that
"Straight Talk" and I had "gone too far."

Love,

Nan