Subject: Transsexualism From A Male Point of View
From: [email-masked]
Date: Sun, 16 Jul 1995 19:41:41 -0400

TRANSSEXUALISM FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW-by Eric Bueneman

PERSONAL BACKGROUND: The year was 1979. At the time, I was a sixth grader
living in what was then an unincorporated part of St. Louis County, Missouri
(which became incorporated into the City of Hazelwood in 1981). I had been
watching the five o'clock news, when I heard the news that musician Walter
Carlos had sex reassignment surgery and became Wendy Carlos. I was amazed at
her beauty, and I thought she looked about twenty-five to thirty years of
age! Four years later, I began following the career of actress/model Caroline
(Tula) Cossey. She still looks like a woman in her late teens or early
twenties today! I was awestruck by her youthful beauty, and was so happy for
her when she got married in the summer of 1992 (unfortunately, that marriage
didn't last). Later on, I would eagerly follow the lives of other
transsexuals, such as models Cyndi Diori and Cindy Sands, as well as my dear
friend Sarah Luiz, among others, through the tabloids. Little did I know that
it would lead up to my giving moral support, both via the computer bulletin
boards and U.S. Mail, to members of the transsexual community.
          When I began following Tula's career in the tabloids, I was a
heartbroken sixteen-year-old high school sophomore who had just went through
a bitter breakup with a genetic female a year older than me, but two years
ahead of me in school. The more I read about transsexuals in the tabloids,
the more I got to understand their ups and downs, the pain they have to go
through to attain their goal of complete womanhood, and the more I wanted to
help them in any way possible. I had always considered myself to be a
heterosexual male, but as the time of graduation from high school drew
closer, meeting and getting a date with a genetic female was getting to be a
more unrealistic goal. So, I wanted to understand more about transsexuals and
transsexualism, but I didn't know where to start.

GAINING KNOWLEDGE: When I got to the St. Louis Community College at
Florissant Valley in the fall of 1985 (as a Communications Arts major), I
found many books on transsexualism that helped me out a great deal. It got me
to understand more fully the physical, emotional, mental and social problems
associated with transsexualism. I wrote two book reports on books dealing
with transsexualism (Dr. Koranyi's "Transsexuality In The Male" and Nancy
Hunt's "Mirror Image") for my Sociology class in the fall of 1987, and wrote
a short story (it was fiction, called "My Twin Brother, My Twin Sister") with
a young psychology major and his transsexual twin sister as the central
characters. The central theme of the story was transsexual acceptance, and it
was written for my Creative Writing class in the spring of 1988 (which I got
an "A" on). It was expanded to a book-length piece later the same year, and I
attempted to submit it for publication during 1991-92, finally making it
available on America Online (with major changes) in June of 1995. Through all
that reading up on transsexuals and transsexualism, I was alarmed about a few
things, however. One was some of the family backgrounds of the transsexuals
whose cases I read about in Dr. Koranyi's book. Another was the difficulties
many transsexuals had in establishing lasting relationships. Yet another was
the difficulties many transsexuals had in being accepted for who they are.
The last shock I found was how intolerant some mainline Protestant Christian
religions are toward transsexuals. I felt that I had my work cut out for me.
The next step was how to get into contact with a transsexual, and I didn't do
that until the summer of 1989.

FIRST CONTACTS: I was living in Woodstock, Georgia, a suburb of Atlanta, and
wanted to meet a transsexual, either in person or via U.S. Mail. The
Montgomery Medical and Psychological Institute helped me get into touch with
Phoebe Smith, editor and publisher of THE TRANSSEXUAL VOICE. I got the August
1989 edition of her fine publication, and it was through that newsletter that
I first got into touch with Sarah Luiz (born Jeffrey Luiz), who lived at the
time in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and was in the pre-operative stage at the
time I first wrote to her. I had read newspaper accounts of her struggle for
complete womanhood, especially the legal battle she waged with her insurance
carrier (Blue Cross-Blue Shield of Massachusetts) because they had balked at
covering the cost of her sex reassignment surgery, even though they covered
much of the costs of her hormone therapy. Being the good-hearted person I had
become toward the transsexual community, I decided to take the brave step of
writing Miss Luiz and lending her moral support, as she was going through her
legal troubles at the time. It gave me a good feeling to write a
pre-operative transsexual, even an attractive one such as Sarah, since I felt
that I was keeping her spirits high at a time when things weren't going too
well for her. However, I haven't written her since before she underwent her
sex reassignment surgery in September of 1991, since I don't have her current
address. I received my first letter from her on September 30, 1989, two years
before she underwent her sex reassignment surgery. It was dated September 27,
1989, and she wrote: "Dear Eric, Thanks alot for writing, I really need all
the help I can get! I believe that we are supposed to do things by our heart,
and that's how I live, by my heart! If I believe in something, then I feel
it's worth going the distance! Well, maybe one day we will meet! I have so
much going on, as far as legal matters, it's hard to take away from that now!
So, until the next time we talk, take care of yourself! Sarah!"
          I was happy and relieved to hear that Miss Luiz has had her sex
reassignment surgery, and despite hearing newspaper reports to the contrary,
I hope things are going better for her. I just wish I had her current
address, so I could write more letters to her!
          Sarah Luiz wasn't the only transsexual I wrote to while I was
living in Georgia. Yet another one I wrote to lived in another part of
Georgia, another pre-operative transsexual named Lyndsey Sapp. She lived in
Midville, in Burke County, at the time I corresponded with her in the winter
of 1991-92. This letter is dated January 29, 1992, written in a Southern
dialect, and it reads (edited for submission): "Dear Eric, It was great
hearing from you like always. To answer your question about when I first put
on women's clothes. I use to wear my sister's dresses when I was real young.
I even wore a Evening gown to school on "Hobo Day". I was very flirty at
school, as I still am, plus I'm a teaser. Eric, I never did live as a man,
all I know is that I have a body of a man, it use to be very weird for me,
all these mixed feelings. But I did come a long way, and I have accepted it.
I even had psychiatric evaluations. All I need now is to have this hair on my
face removed. Eric, I played the gay role for the longest, first as a queen.
I even did drag shows in Augusta. I always liked Millie Jackson's songs, but
then I weighed 155 pounds. I weigh now 185. I've got to lose alot before I
even think about doing this again. I believe in doing things 100%, passing
with flying colors. I just wish I had started earlier in life, which I'm not
saying I'm old! I refuse to let age slow me down! I wish I could meet a
younger man who would love me and stand by me. Far as me going out with a
cross-dresser, I wouldn't mind as long as he kept it a secret. If I go out
with a guy, I want him to act like a man (the aggressor). Eric, you seem like
a very nice person. Call me sometimes. I love making new friends. I always
wanted to be an impersonator myself, dancing and singing on my own. Far as my
work, I'm a certified nursing assistant. I'm out of work right now, but I'm
seeking something right away. Well, take care of yourself, and I hope to hear
from you real soon. Sincerely, Lyndsey Sapp (My fem name is Brittany
Shirie)".
          After I received that letter, I wrote her back with a list of
hospitals in the St. Louis and Atlanta areas where she could apply for work.

CONTACTS VIA COMPUTER: It was about the same time I logged onto the Prodigy
service, and began meeting more and more transsexuals. I became more and more
involved in helping transsexuals in any way I could, and providing what
addresses I could to transsexuals just beginning their long road to
womanhood. It allowed for me to actually communicate with transsexuals
without having to make a long-distance call, waiting a week for a reply via
U.S. Mail, and by actually communicating with pre-operative and
post-operative transsexuals via computer, I have made more pen pals that way.
I have ran across several cases on Prodigy, and one case that sticks out in
my mind is presented below (the woman's real name isn't used to protect her
confidentiality).

ONE PARTICULAR CASE: One case I ran across on Prodigy a couple of years back
was that of a seventeen-year-old pre-operative transsexual (let's call her
"Andrea"), who still lives with her arch-conservative, non-understanding
parents, who believes that letting their child have sex reassignment surgery
is "mutilation". I wrote back to "Andrea" with some information on how to get
into contact with THE TRANSSEXUAL VOICE. She had been diagnosed as being
transsexual by her therapist, and is a good candidate for surgery. She is
allowed some feminine things, such as hair bows and earrings, but isn't
allowed to wear feminine clothing to school, around the house or running
simple errands, and her parents won't even let her get a learner's permit so
she can learn how to drive, nor would they let her have hormones. To top that
all off, she would be likely out on the street when she graduated from high
school in June of 1994, without money or employment. A lot of people
(transsexuals included) believe that seventeen is a bit young for sex
reassignment, but from what I've read, the youngest person ever to undergo
sex reassignment surgery (apart from baby boys born with penises so badly
deformed that it required removing them) was fourteen years of age. Let's say
that I were a parent being put into a similar situation. Here, I would take
exactly the opposite stance from what Andrea's parents have taken. I would
allow my transsexual adolescent to get a learner's permit, have female
hormones, and allow her to wear feminine clothing to school, work or around
the house, even fighting for her right to wear feminine attire to school, if
I had to.

EDUCATION IS THE KEY TO UNDERSTANDING TRANSSEXUALISM: What I believe the key
is to better understanding of transsexuals and transsexualism by the general
public is education. The television talk shows have taken that step in the
right direction, but the transsexual population, I feel, has to do even more
in the education effort. I believe that placing more emphasis on
transsexualism in college-level psychology and human sexuality courses, would
begin to bridge this gap. In all the psychology classes, only a small section
of a page in college-level psychology books are actually devoted to
transsexualism, when they should be devoting an entire chapter to gender
dysphoria. On the high school level, the study of gender dysphoria should
take up a little more coursework in psychology classes. Transsexuals also
should be granted access to college classrooms (schedules permitting) to
educate the public more on the subject of transsexualism. The main reason why
the typical heterosexual male goes berserk, acts like a lunatic and storms
out of the room when he finds out his girlfriend was once a male herself, for
example, is quite clear to me. Lack of education on transsexuals and
transsexualism on the part of the typical heterosexual male. I felt that it
was my responsibility, as a heterosexual male, to read books on
transsexualism. I felt that it was the only way to become more understanding
of transsexuals, and if I can become understanding of transsexuals, then
other heterosexual males, as well as families and friends of transsexuals, in
my honest opinion, should take the same step I took to becoming better
educated and more understanding when it comes to transsexuals and
transsexualism.

USING TRANSSEXUAL FICTION TO EDUCATE AS WELL AS ENTERTAIN: Earlier in this
article, I mentioned a piece of transsexual fiction called "My Twin Brother,
My Twin Sister". The main theme of the story was unconditional acceptance by
family members, employers, co-workers, friends and lovers. Even the male twin
fell in love with, and married, a transsexual. The story was not only meant
to entertain the reader, but to educate the reader on accepting transsexuals
as well. Even though the events in the story had little in common with the
everyday lives of transsexuals, the central theme of the story was that it
didn't matter whether you have a natural-born or transsexual child, we all
have to love one another, have to accept one another the way he or she is,
even if that person is a transsexual, and have to have a positive attitude
toward transsexual, whether or not that transsexual is a friend or relative.
God taught us to love people, no matter who or what they are, and in the
story, I applied this to the transsexual characters as well. I strongly
believe that those who publish transsexual fiction should look at a story not
only on it's entertainment value, but it's educational value as well, even if
it's a far contrast to the everyday lives of transsexuals. By using
transsexual fiction as an educational tool as well as an entertainment
source, in this man's viewpoint, we can become better educated on
transsexualism. Selling transsexual fiction in more mainstream bookstores
will also allow for more people (especially heterosexual males) to have
access to this form of literature, and allow for these people to become more
understanding about transsexuals and transsexualism.

TRANSSEXUALS AS DATING OR MARRIAGE PARTNERS: I profess to being an unmarried,
heterosexual male in his late twenties, but I am just as easily (if not more
easily) attracted to transsexuals as I am to genetic females. If I were
selecting a date, or even a wife, I would not reject a woman on the basis of
birth sex. I strongly believe that a transsexual would make just as good of a
girlfriend (or even a wife, for that matter) as does a genetic females.
Earlier in this article, I wrote that the average heterosexual male would go
berserk and storm out of the room if he found out that his girlfriend was
once a male herself. In my case, my response would be entirely the opposite.
I am one who is willing to sit down and listen to one's life story. Let's say
that I'm in a relationship with a young woman, and she reveals to me that she
was once a male. My response would be "Continue, please", "Go on with your
story", or something similar. The main fear the average heterosexual male has
when he finds out his girlfriend is a transsexual is that they would lose
their masculinity. That is not the case with me. In fact, I feel that my
masculinity would be strengthened if I were involved in a friendship or
relationship with a transsexual. Since I am pen pals with several
transsexuals, I feel that my masculinity has been strengthened though these
pen pals, whom I consider to be my friends. If I were to enter into a
relationship (whether it be boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife) with a
transsexual, I feel that I am ready, because I believe that I am more
understanding of transsexuals and transsexualism than the average male.

FAMILIES: I strongly believe that the family should not disown offspring that
has been diagnosed as being transsexual. I feel that the family of a
transsexual should be unconditionally supportive of their transsexual
offspring, and give them all the love they can during the the delicate
transition from male to female (and vice versa). From what I've heard, some
families of transsexuals have been supportive, some aren't. The disowning of
transsexual offspring by his/her family can, in my opinion, be especially
hard on the transsexual, even devastating. I believe that if a family disowns
a transsexual offspring (or any relative, for that matter), the family should
unconditionally take that person back. God taught us to love people no matter
who or what they are, and God loves us no matter who or what we are.
Unfortunately, there are still some arch-conservative families who disown
transsexual children, and this, I believe, is morally wrong and disobey's
God's teaching of loving people regardless of who or what they are. Earlier
in this article, I gave you a brief glance at a young pre-operative
transsexual ("Andrea"), whose arch-conservative parents allowed her only hair
bows and earrings, and no other feminine items. If the parents don't give
their transsexual offspring any other feminine items, such as makeup and
clothing, then what business do they have in the life of their offspring?
Unless they can work out a compromise where their offspring can be allowed to
live in the gender he/she feels himself/herself to be, then I believe they
probably have no business being parents. As a result of this, "Andrea" felt
depressed, and her grades were, as she put it, "horrid". Rejection of
transsexuals by non-supportive families not only saddens me, but makes me
angry as well. This also falls back on those seven dreaded words: Lack of
education on transsexuals and transsexualism.

CONCLUDING POINTS: As an average heterosexual male, not owning a Ph.D. or a
Social Work degree, the transsexual community, for me, has always been a very
fascinating community to get to know. Even though I haven't had time to get
to the legal and financial aspects of transsexualism from this man's point of
view in the article space available, I also strongly feel that the necessary
finances shouldn't be denied, even if it's through insurance benefits. What
I've touched on here are my personal opinions on transsexualism, as far as
educational opportunities, family and other relationships go, and related
some of my personal experiences with transsexuals. I didn't touch on the
religious aspects of transsexualism because I didn't do enough research on
it. My experiences with transsexuals have been very positive, and I am
looking forward to more experiences with transsexuals that would not only
further enhance my understanding of transsexuals and transsexualism, but also
enhance my masculinity while enhancing a male-to-female transsexual's
femininity at the same time. My advice to families and friends of
transsexuals and heterosexual males is to go to your local public or college
library, look up the subject headings "Transsexuals", "Change of Sex", "Sex
Change" or something similar, and find some titles that can help you
understand what transsexuals are all about. Also, look up the files
(sometimes called "vertical files") on these same subjects for pamphlets on
transsexualism. It could help you have a better understanding when your
therapist tells you that your loved one is a transsexual, or when a young
woman tells her boyfriend that she used to be a man. Why can't we do
something as simple as that? I am thankful to God for giving me the strength
to become more understanding of transsexuals and transsexualism, accept the
fact that these people were born into the wrong body, and the wisdom to
distinguish this from homosexuality or crossdressing. Why can't everyone do
something as simple as this?

UPDATE: In June of 1995, thanks in part to my uploading of this article to
America Online, I met a special young woman named Jennifer. She's a post-op
TS, who had surgery in early 1995. Originally from my hometown of St. Louis
(where she still has family) and living in the San Francisco Bay Area, we've
formed somewhat of an online relationship. We've gotten to know each other
fairly well, and I'm looking forward to meeting her (whenever that will be).
On June 17, 1995, I publicly came out to my friends on America Online with
the fact that I'm attracted to transsexuals just as much as I am to genetic
females, and I have received supportive messages from my friends on America
Online.

SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: My profound thanks go to Miss Sarah Luiz and Miss
Lyndsey Sapp for the letters used in this article. Thanks also to "Andrea"
for sharing some of her life with me, to Jennifer (with all my love) for
sharing so much of her life with me in such a short span of time, and to all
the transsexuals I've read about or come into contact with, via mail or
computer bulletin board, for inspiring me to write this article.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

THE TRANSSEXUAL VOICE, Miss Phoebe Smith, Editor/Publisher, for publishing
the addresses of Sarah Luiz (August 1989) and Lyndsey Sapp (December 1991),
thus enabling me to get into touch with them.

THE MONTGOMERY MEDICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL INSTITUTE, Decatur, Georgia, for
helping me get into touch with The Transsexual Voice.

PRODGY, Prodigy Services Corporation, for all the notes I've received from
members of the transsexual community.

AMERICA ONLINE, America Online, Inc., for all the notes I've received from
members of the transsexual community, and also for uploading the original
version of this story.

In friendship, Eric Bueneman, July 16, 1995.