Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 14:44:53 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1993 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 93-8, issue date 1993 12 03 copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 ==Contents== [93-8-1] GAY PRIEST MURDERED IN MONTREAL: the death of Warren Eling makes the church confront hard questions / by Chris Ambidge [93-8-2] WORDS SPOKEN AT THE 141ST SYNOD OF THE DIOCESE OF TORONTO Making Church communities SAFE PLACES around sexual orientation / [A] from Bishop Terry Finlay's Charge to Synod, & [B] The Rev Norm Rickaby & [C] The Rev Art Lawson [93-8-3] LET'S END THE BIAS, BIGOTRY AND IGNORANCE / A letter from the family of Fr Warren Eling, handed out at the end of Synod [93-8-4] TORONTO ELECTS TWO NEW SUFFRAGAN BISHOPS [93-8-5] MY GAYNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS, BUT A STRENGTH / by the Rev John Doe [93-8-6] PRIEST'S DEATH WAS VIOLENT, BUT NOT MINDLESS / by Douglas Chambers ========= [93-8-1] GAY PRIEST MURDERED IN MONTREAL Death of Warren Eling makes the church confront hard questions >by Chris Ambidge< In the second week of November, ghastly news came to Toronto from Montreal. The Rev Warren Eling, rector of St James the Apostle, Montreal for the past two years, was found murdered in his rectory. He had served in the diocese of Toronto for the previous twenty years, and his funeral at St James Cathedral in Toronto was packed. All of us there at the funeral were in shock. In the words of the preacher, Canon Glenn Prichard, we were also dealing with feelings of "bewilderment, frustration, betrayal and anger." Warren's death was a tremendous loss. As all who knew him agreed, he was a wonderful priest. However, as a much smaller circle of people knew, Warren was also gay. He was strangled, and he was found in bed with his hands tied behind him. His bishop, the Rt Rev Andrew Hutchison, said: "If the speculation is correct that this crime is in some way related to sexual orientation, then we are doubly outraged, for it makes of it not simply a violent crime, but one motivated by hatred." Prichard pointed out in his sermon that Warren had not felt free to let many others know about his sexual orientation. He went on to say that "being gay is no reason to be murdered." Too right it isn't -- but gay-bashing is a fact of life. This was the fourteenth murder of a gay man in Montreal in the last three years. This murder has caused many people to ask hard questions about the way the Anglican Church treats lesbian and gay clergy. The Rev Tom Harpur, an Anglican priest who makes his living as a journalist, had this to say in his column in the Toronto >Star< on the Sunday after the funeral: "Eling was gay and if, as it seems, he was the victim of entrapment by a killer of gays, it's not just our homophobic society in general that has to examine its conscience and take steps to end homophobic hatred and violence. ... The Anglican Church has some deep soul-searching to do. The current Anglican rule of ordaining gays but forbidding all expression of gayness is forcing many priests to live double lives. They're compelled to lie and deceive -- and to engage in casual sex with all the risks. It involves the church in hypocrisy and the clergy in practices dangerous to their own well-being, spiritually and in every other way. As [the Dean of Toronto, Duncan] Abraham says: 'We drive them to it by our policy.' He is convinced, as I am also, that the 'only fair and just solution' to the problem is Christian acceptance and 'some form of service or rite of affirmation' in which the church could bless the life-long union of any committed same-sex couple wanting it. "It's not enough to be outraged over Eling's death. Anglicans must ask themselves the hard question: 'Would Warren have been picked up by a killer in a bar (his home had no sign of forced entry) if he had been able to let people know openly who and what he was and to form a fulfilling relationship with one person?' As Prichard noted in his sermon, Anglicans find it easy to lay the blame for crimes like Eling's murder at 'every doorstep but our own.' It's time to end the pretence and the silence. What's more, there are homosexuals in every denomination. It would help enormously to combat violence against all gays if more churches would join the real world and face up to this. Today, religion is a major player in reinforcing anti-gay prejudice." The two days before Harpur's column appeared, Toronto's annual Diocesan Synod met. Warren was mentioned more than once (see WORDS SPOKEN AT SYNOD, [93-8-2], below), most notably by Bishop Finlay in his Charge. Bishop Finlay called on the church to "stop the charade" of secrecy which surrounds sexual orientation. He wants our churches to be safe places in which to be open. These words have not been widely reported in the media. A week after the funeral, Dean Duncan Abraham was again quoted in the Toronto >Star< saying it is now time that the church approved a rite of blessing for same-sex unions. He said that this could ease the pain of homosexuals who feel excluded from the church. Then, on December 3, an essay appeared in the Toronto >Globe and Mail< laying the blame for Warren's death squarely at the door of the church hierarchy (see PRIEST' DEATH WAS VIOLENT, BUT NOT MINDLESS, [93-8-6], below). It speaks powerfully of the anger felt by those who knew Warren, and who know just how much we have lost in his death. Warren's family, who have lost most of all, have raised their voices clearly. In a letter to members of Synod (reproduced below, 93-8-3]) they point out that Warren was far from the only gay or lesbian priest in our church, and that the church must un-hinder the ministries of those homosexual clergy. The family want something positive to come from Warren's death, and that to be a change in the church's policy toward homosexual priests. I believe that things >are< changing. Bishop Finlay's charge to Synod is a significant step in that direction, and I commend him for it. He spoke of building communities based on understanding and acceptance and working to become honest and trustworthy with one another. He's right -- becoming trustworthy with one another is going to take work. It was interesting to see the reactions of the members of Synod to this section of the Charge. Applause broke out twice, and all the "supportive straight" people felt that a major step had been taken. The closeted lesgay clergy were more cynical, or self-defensive, and in some cases angry. One was heard to mutter "yeah, right. I'm >still< not going to tell Bishop X that I'm gay." These people in vulnerable positions have been burned, and have seen what openness has in the past meant for homosexual clergy. Across the country there are several Bishops X with whom, it is perceived, it would be >most< unwise to be honest. I asked one gay priest to write about he reacted to Bishop Finlay's words. The article MY GAYNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS, [98-3-5] below is from him -- but I don't know if he would have been able to write it under his own name. I hope, pray, watch and work for the day when articles like his will be able to be signed -- or will be unnecessary. May we all hope, pray, watch and work for the day when our churches are safe places in which to be open about sexual orientation. THAT will be a suitable memorial to Warren Eling. ========== [93-8-2] WORDS SPOKEN AT THE 141ST SYNOD OF THE DIOCESE OF TORONTO [93-8-2A] Making Church communities SAFE PLACES around sexual orientation >From Bishop Terry Finlay's Charge to Synod< ... this week we mourn the death of a caring, gifted priest who was a victim of the mindless violence that characterises so much of life today. It has been suggested that this is another tragic example of the negative implications of secrecy concerning sexual orientation. If this be true, then I call upon all of us in the Church to stop this charade. Let us build communities based on understanding and acceptance and work to become honest and trustworthy with one another. Let us make our communities safe places in which to be open about sexual orientation. ===== [93-8-2B] >The Rev Norm Rickaby at Members' Hour< My name is Norm Rickaby and I'm representing Integrity. I feel really positive about what Bishop Finlay said in his call to make our communities safe places around sexual orientation. On the other hand, there is a lot of work to be done. As a gay priest (which I am), if I was in a parish (which I'm not) I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be being open about my sexual orientation; nor would it be safe for me to be open about any relationship that I might be in. There are a number of parishes and organisations which have done a lot to open dialogue, and to make communication happen. There have been Bridge-building workshops and presentations at St Andrew's, St Clement's, the Cathedral and other churches. These were very positive experiences. I would encourage you to do something in your parish if you haven't already. St Andrew's and St Clement's have made their resources available through the Synod office. There are lots of resources available. I'd like to thank our diocesan Bishop for taking steps here toward making our church a safe and healthy place for people like us. ===== [93-8-2C] >The Rev Art Lawson at Members' Hour< The Parish of St Jude, like many other parts of the church, is in grief and shock over the death of Warren Eling. And yet in God's redemptive way, out of the disaster of his going from us, there has been an outpouring of love and gratitude, a greater openness and candour, and a firmer commitment to change that state of the church which smothers and diminishes the gifts of so many. Warren's family has said this: "If anything positive is to come from Warren's death, let it be >change<: change in the way we treat the question of sexual orientation." We understand very well that members of Synod and of the Church at large are at different places with respect to this issue. But out of St Jude's grief, undergoing God's redemptive working over it, we join with Warren's family in urging >all< members of the church in our diocese to re-dedicate themselves -- or dedicate themselves for the first time -- to the arduous task of honest bridge- building to which Bishop Finlay called us two Synods ago; and respond to his call this year to make our communities places of understanding and acceptance -- safe places where no-one has to hide, or be shamed because of, their sexual orientation. Let us remove the roadblocks that restrict people from living their lives within the church in pride and >honesty<; as beloved daughters and sons of God, who made, has redeemed, and >very< evidently sustains and makes holy their lives. =============== [93-8-3] LET'S END THE BIAS, BIGOTRY AND IGNORANCE > A letter from the family of Fr Warren Eling, > handed out at the end of Synod 19 November 1993 Dear Member of Synod: We, the family of Father Warren Eling, would like to thank the hundreds of people from across the Diocese of Toronto who attended the Requiem Eucharist for him in the Cathedral on Monday. Words cannot express what the outpouring of love and affection for Warren during the past week has meant to us. Warren enriched the lives of so many during close to 30 years of ministry, from the youth group at St Jude's that "decorated" his basement to the seniors at St Anne's Towers who sought comfort and spiritual guidance from him. Warren was committed to two things -- Christ and people -- and he never lost faith in either. He was a pastor in the truest sense of the word. Warren was a great priest, pure and simple. But we believe that Warren could have made a far greater contribution to the life of the church had he not had to wrestle with its policy on sexual orientation. Warren was not alone. Many other priests find themselves in a similar dilemma and it's hindering their ministry. The issue of sexual orientation is one which the College of Bishops must address -- and soon -- for the sake of many. Bishop Terence Finlay of this diocese and Bishop Andrew Hutchison of Montreal have been of enormous comfort to us during the past week and we thank them for their support and prayers. Their unswerving willingness to deal honestly and openly with the horrible details of Warren's murder was courageous. It is our hope that Bishops Finlay and Hutchison, having been touched so deeply by Warren's life and death, will be the vanguards for change. If anything positive is to come from Warren's death, let it be >change< -- change in the way society as a whole treats the question of sexual orientation and change in our church's policy on homosexual priests. Let's end the bias, bigotry and ignorance. Let's remove the roadblocks that restrict people like Warren from living their lives within the church in true pride and honesty. Help us to ensure that Warren's death was not in vain. Sincerely >Ross Hopkins, Bettyanne Track Hopkins, Clarke Hopkins.< =============== [93-8-4] TORONTO ELECTS TWO NEW SUFFRAGAN BISHOPS On Friday 19 November, the first day of Toronto's Diocesan Synod was given over to the election of two new suffragan bishops. They are to fill the space left by the retirements of Bishops Brown and Fricker. The Very Rev Michael Bedford-Jones, presently Dean of Ontario [Kingston], and the Rev Victoria Matthews, presently Rector of All Souls church in north Toronto, were elected. Matthews will be the first Canadian woman bishop, and the fifth in the world-wide Anglican communion. Both Bedford-Jones and Matthews have celebrated for Integrity/Toronto in the past. We wish them God's blessing on their new ministries. ===================== [93-8-5] MY GAYNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS, BUT A STRENGTH >by the Rev John Doe > "Let us build communities based on understanding and acceptance > and work to become honest and trustworthy with one another. Let > us make our communities safe places in which to be open about > sexual orientation." [Bishop Terence Finlay, Charge to Synod, > 20 November 1993] The last few weeks have been frightening times for gays and lesbians in the Diocese of Toronto. They have also been exciting. Within a few days we buried a priest who may have been murdered by a very sick person with a big hate for gays, we elected two new bishops and the Dean of Toronto stated publicly that the church should bless same-sex unions and then "get on with our work." Regarding the latter, I must admit that for me blessing gay unions is not a high priority, although it is for many of my friends. The step that comes before that is mere acceptance of who I am as a gay person who also happens to be a priest, and not to be hated by some of the people I minister to just because I am gay. There are still a lot of people in our church (perhaps the majority, including a bishop or two) who firmly believe that we >choose< to be gay. I did not choose it. For a part of my life I hated myself for it. I denied it, hoping and praying that it was just a dark phase in my life. I played the "straight game" pretending to be heterosexual, telling "fag" jokes, becoming engaged to be married, and acting homophobic like so many of my friends and peers. I even believed that God's love and power were so great, that this great weakness in my character would be obliterated once the Holy Spirit blessed me at my ordination. It didn't go away. In fact, the struggle became greater for me. Living for a time in a rural community as a young priest, there was nobody I could talk to about my "problem." For sure I couldn't talk to my parishioners. Speaking to the bishop was not even a consideration, for he controlled my future and my career. Feeling very alone, I prayed about it and I struggled with who I was as a child of God. I worked very hard in my parish, I heard people tell me about the pain of their broken marriages and their broken relationships and their broken lives, but here was no one with whom I could share my own brokenness and pain. Eventually, I came to believe that I was gay through no choice of my own, and that if God make me this way (genetics and environment aside), then perhaps being gay and experiencing the loneliness and pain of keeping who I was a secret must be of some purpose. I certainly could relate to others who were victims of prejudice, and knew what it was like to have someone hate you without ever meeting you or knowing you. I have had two meaningful and loving relationships in my life, both while working as a priest. The second ended when my partner died of AIDS. There is still lots of anger and bitterness that we had to keep his illness a secret -- that I had to carry on as usual with work in the parish (who knew nothing of my "secret" relationship of several years). There were church people who knew both of us and were loving and accepting, but the institution could not be supportive in any way. Grieving had to be private while life in the parish went on as usual. I'm still hurting. I'm still grieving his death. However sick and perverted some church people may think this to be, our love for each other was more real than many of the couples I have married at God's altar. When I heard Bishop Finlay's charge to build understanding and acceptance, my initial reaction was "more words! Will there ever be a serious commitment to change?" My fear is that engaging in dialogue may not ever amount to more than talk, and that as long as we are talking no one can say that the church is not dealing with the issue. However, I truly believe that Bishop Finlay cares and wants his church to be inclusive of all of us. The question is: "Can we be a prophetic church that will risk and move on accepting gays and lesbians?" To do so will likely be divisive, but it is in such difficult times that we grow. We go nowhere by just being cautious and safe, though it would certainly be the easier route. Dean Abraham told the press that over the past few years his attitudes towards gays and lesbians has changed since he came to know "more and more of these people." Perhaps that is as much as we can ask for at this time. We know that we are not all drag queens and child molesters, yet society wants to see us that way. It is easy for society to condemn what it sees as aberrant behaviour. I want to be know and accepted for who I am as a person -- a person who looks and acts like many other persons, with strengths and weaknesses, who also happens to be gay. I celebrate being gay now. My gayness to me is no longer a weakness, but a strength. [Author box: The Rev John Doe is a pseudonym for someone who makes his living as a priest in the Diocese of Toronto] ================ [93-8-6] A Question of Guilt: >The Anglican Church had made its feelings about gay clergy perfectly clear before one of its own moved away from the community where he was known to one where he was not.< PRIEST'S DEATH WAS VIOLENT, BUT NOT MINDLESS >by Douglas Chambers< Some time on the night of November 8, the Rev Warren Eling was murdered in the rectory of his parish, St James the Apostle, in Montreal. He was strangled. Warren Eling was my first boyfriend more than 30 years ago, and his death has continued to outrage and anger me ever since I first heard about it. My outrage is against the evidence of continuing homophobic violence that it represents: the death throes of a murderous patriarchy wreaking its random vengeance on gays now as it did on women in Montreal four years ago. My anger, though, is for the underlying causes, the causes behind the causes, that led to Warren's death. The police are after the killer, probably a piece of rough trade who picked Warren up in a bar and lured him home to his death. What will they find if they >do< find anyone? A killer, yes, but an agent of something that probably even he does not consciously understand. The Bishop of Toronto has spoken of this as an act of "mindless violence." It is nothing of the kind. This violence, this killing, like the violence in our society generally, is promulgated: by the media, by the state, by the churches themselves. "Hatred is not a family value," read the bumper stickers, but everywhere it is legitimated by the ravings of a popular press now legally prevented from inciting racial hatred (though not sexual hatred) and by Sunday-morning TV. The denunciation of alternative sexuality is the accreditation of violence. It escapes culpability (and the rigours of the human-rights code -- even the law) under the cloak of religion. And such "respectable" denominations as the Anglican Church have done nothing to dissociate themselves from it. A man who urges another to crime is an accessory before the fact, but a church that harries its gay clergy out of the chancel, out of the church itself, is no less guilty. It condemns them to a life devoid of secure loving relationships, one of furtive secrecies, of complicity in the hypocrisy of sexual denial. It is the "final cause" of what happened (and goes on happening in less overt ways) on the night of November 8. Warren Eling left the diocese of Toronto in the wake of the Jim Ferry case: the case of a priest in a stable and loving relationship who had been "outed" by one of his congregation and, thus, dismissed by his bishop. That case was >Kristalnacht< for any Anglican priest known to be gay, no matter how "respectable." At any moment, the jackboots of denunciation might be at the door. Warren went to Montreal, far from most of his friends and the community he knew, depressed and increasingly desperate -- in the literal sense of "without hope". He went to his death. Was he simply a victim ... or a martyr? One of the great priests of his own church, John Donne, recognised that the line between the two is often difficult to establish. In TS Eliot's >Murder in the Cathedral<, one of the murderers tries to persuade the audience that Thomas a Becket was asking for what he got. It's an easy way to avoid looking at the issues. And ours is, after all, a society in which victims of rape are made to feel guilty for inviting their own abuse and victims of poverty for their shiftlessness ... though not, interestingly, victims of heart disease for their diet. Those priests who thought themselves under grace have found themselves condemned by the scribes and pharisees who "bawl allegiance to the law": a law, whether religious or social, that has been prompt in the past to regard all but white male heterosexuals as inferior. It will not do for bishops to deplore the consequences of the hatred -- sexual as well as racial -- that their own churches have promulgated overtly and covertly. The bishops have had a hand in this death. A torrent of denunciatory rhetoric is not a substitute for thoughtful examination of why this "fine priest and good man" is no longer alive, let alone a bishop. I am not one of these Christians, but I can tell vocation when I see it, and many of these clergy -- Warren among them -- are called by something as powerful as their sexuality. But then, so were the apostles, and the only evidence of apostolic relationships that the Gospels provide is one of "special friendship," not heterosexual bliss. John was the "disciple whom Jesus loved," a phrase that would not be misconstrued as passionless (as it has been) if John's name had been Joan. In 1673, Edward King, a promising young priest forced out of England by a ruthless and uncompromising church, was shipwrecked at sea on his way to Ireland. In his memory, Milton wrote the finest elegy in the language, >Lycidas<, and he was in no doubt as to the cause of King's death: not the sea, not the wind, not the rock ... but the bishops. "Blind mouths that scarce themselves know how to hold a sheephook," he called them. I wish I could write as powerfully for Warren. [Author box: Douglas Chambers is a professor of English as the University of Toronto. This article appeared in the Toronto >Globe and Mail< on Friday 3 December 1993, and is reproduced here by permission] ======== End of volume 93-8 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1993 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9