Date: Fri, 19 Jun 1998 14:44:10 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1992 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 92-7, issue date 1992 09 29 copyright 1992 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [92-7-1] REMEMBERING EDWARD / by Chris Ambidge [92-7-2] RAINBOWS [92-7-3] CHRIST HAS NO BODY NOW, BUT OURS / by John Gartshore [92-7-4] MORE MEMBERS' RESPONSES AT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION FORUM The words of Canon MURIEL HORNBY, of Algoma; of Bishop TERENCE FINLAY of Toronto; and of LEA STARR of Edmonton [92-7-5] PFLAG [92-7-6] OF UGLY FISH AND CLOSETS / by Integrity founder LOUIE CREW [92-7-7] READ ANY GOOD BOOKS LATELY? [92-7-8] FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE ======== [92-7-1] REMEMBERING EDWARD by Chris Ambidge SUNDAY 4 OCTOBER is AIDS Awareness Sunday in the Anglican Church of Canada, and for that I praise God. I have done AIDS work in the Church for a number of years. I have sat on both the National Church AIDS Working Group and the Diocese of Toronto AIDS Committee -- and its predecessor Episcopal Task Force. I have written articles. I have organised vigils. I have handed out rainbow ribbons without number. I have visited people living with AIDS. I have been to memorial services and funerals. I have wept. Most of all, I have prayed. This thing isn't getting any smaller. Last year, I was rocked back by the statistic that AIDS is the second largest non- accidental cause of death for men in my age bracket in Metro Toronto. Infection is now spreading beyond the gay male community, where it first made inroads in Canada. There are now many children with HIV infection being cared for at the Hospital for Sick Children, and women are becoming infected more and more. This is all too sadly predictable. Yet, as I sit to write "this year's AIDS article", things are different. That's because of Edward. Edward died of AIDS late this spring. He hadn't been able to work since the previous year, and he got really sick at Eastertime. He died at home, surrounded by those who loved him, and that is something we might all wish for. But Edward was in his early forties, just a couple of years older than me. I've known other people who have died of AIDS, of course -- but I'd met them post-diagnosis. I'd known Edward since before any of us really knew about AIDS. Edward and his partner Barry were good friends of mine, and -- well, you think it'll never happen to you, but it does. It was frightening, watching Edward getting weaker and weaker. He was never physically a big man, but he shrank before our eyes as we went to visit him. I suppose at the end he didn't weigh more than 90 lb, and he was blind. He was always gracious when I went to visit, and we spoke of little things. He didn't have to say anything profound to me for me to learn an immense amount about life and faith and dignity from his quiet, shining example. I'll never know how Barry managed through that time. At Eastertime, going to Church and singing about new life and resurrection; and then going back to the hospital to be with Edward. There, the man he loved and shared his life with was slowly but inexorably leaving it. I know, I know, it is the Easter faith that gets us Christians through times of death, and Barry would be the first to say that. The contrast is, nonetheless, hard. After the funeral, I was talking to one of the other members of the Diocesan AIDS Committee. I was still feeling numb, but she wasn't. "It makes me mad that people die like this. Mad that Barry won't get all the support he needs, because we can't always be up-front about things. And it makes me want to fight more." I'm past being numb now. I recognise a lot of the anger that I have about the way things are. A priest of the diocese was in correspondence with me as Editor of *Integrator*, and one letter said "I see no evidence of caritas [caring love] among the gay community". None so blind as those who will not see. That letter arrived after Edward had come home from the hospital. I was absolutely furious. I wanted to drag that priest by the scruff of his neck to show him Barry nursing and loving the man who had been his life for years. That would have been an unpardonable intrusion into their lives, but I wonder -- would it have changed the priest's mind or heart? I'm angry about that kind of wilful blindness, and I'm angry that I cannot use my friends' real names here. I miss Edward. I think of him every day when I pin on my rainbow ribbon. And I think of everyone like him, and like Barry, and of all of us who are living with this monstrous disease. I will pray for them especially on 4 October, and for them I will walk in *From All Walks Of Life* on 18 October. Goodbye, Edward. I'm not sure that I ever told you that I love you. You've changed my life. ======== [92-7-2] RAINBOWS A RAINBOW RIBBON [was] enclosed with [the paper copies of] this issue of *Integrator*. Please wear it to Church on AIDS Awareness Sunday, 4 October, and during AIDS Awareness Week, 5-11 October. Wear it in memory of those who have died of AIDS, and in prayer for those who are still living with AIDS -- both the infected and the affected. The rainbow symbolises many things. It has been a symbol of hope since the Flood. It is also a gay symbol, and certainly AIDS has struck there first and hardest in North America. You do not need to be gay to wear a rainbow, though -- just concerned for those who live with AIDS, and one who finds hope in God's promise that humanity will not be destroyed. ======== [92-7-3] CHRIST HAS NO BODY NOW, BUT OURS by John Gartshore [The Vancouver chapters of Dignity and Integrity jointly hosted a conference in Vancouver on the weekend of July 31 - August 1. Integrity/Toronto Co-Conveners Norm Rickaby and John Gartshore were among the participants. John has written this report of the event. ] THE DIGNITY AND INTEGRITY chapters in Vancouver took the initiative to throw an excellent conference. From July 31 to August 2, three from Integrity/Toronto and one from the Toronto chapter of Dignity Toronto Dignite hobnobbed with other beautiful persons on the campus of the University of British Columbia. The organisers, along with an extensive list of supporting volunteers, deserve high praise. I'd like to touch on some of my own high points. An unwritten theme might have been Courage. From the Conference Committee's welcome: "It should be evident that the marginalised can offer particular vision, and our voice is a prophetic voice. We call again for an experience of Christ incarnate -- Christ has no body now, but ours ..." The latter sentence, from St Teresa, was the conference theme. A sad point, though. The conference programme, ably put together by our friend Ray, had letters of greeting from Svend Robinson MP (who also spoke to us in his inimitable fashion), Mike Harcourt, Premier of British Columbia, and Gordon Campbell, Mayor of Vancouver. Neither the local Roman nor the Anglican bishop deigned to greet us and wish us well. I would have hoped for better from them. One of the chief speakers was Bishop John Spong from Newark. Jack Spong is not everyone's cup of tea; his own Church has been pretty mean to him recently. But he was there. Just to have a purple shirt physically with us all weekend was good for the morale at an exciting time in our history when we desperately need to keep both morale and courage up. But Bishop Spong isn't any old purple shirt; he was a good choice; he knew how to get our spirits really going. Spong was more than just THERE. He gave us an example of his own courage, his scholarship, his dedication. It was good exercise for us when he conducted a bible study on the Saturday morning, choosing, of all things, the "clobber" verses from Romans 1. Spong challenged us to face those unpopular verses, and try to discern what the Holy Spirit was saying to us through them. What I brought away especially was how improper it is to read Romans 1 without reading Romans 2, as well! In one of the sessions, one woman, (I'm sorry, I'm confused about names) spoke eloquently on the double-whammy which lesbians receive from society, being both female and homosexual. This is a topic we've heard lots of times, but I find it is useful to hear it again and again, spoken in fresh terms, and coupled with new personal stories. After dealing with that, the speaker went on to talk about her privilege. She spoke of her special position, being white, well-educated, moderately well-off, well housed, and having tenure as a professor. What a reminder: at the same time as we are oppressed in one direction, we all have opportunities to be the oppressor in another. That gave me an appropriate pang as I though of my own fortune in being what I am (for which I often fail to be duly thankful), and my ever-present ability to oppress others. I commend that thought to all of us; there's always some way we can turn oppressor, and it's too easy to fall into the trap. That night, we had a gala banquet in the roof dining room of the Coast Plaza Hotel. Spong spoke again, mainly for the benefit of those who attended the banquet, but hadn't signed up for the conference. Then we had a ringside seat for the "Symphony of Fire" fireworks display, right outside the window in English Bay. Poof! What an evening! One more memory. On the Sunday evening, after the conference was over, many of us went to the Integrity Eucharist in St Paul's Church in the West End, where Bishop Crawley had been rector. There were over thirty people there, from at least two denominations. I treasured the privilege of playing a couple of hymns on the 1906 Casavant. Curtis Metzger, a friend from 'way back, presided and spoke with customary eloquence. After the Eucharist, Mark Whiting, the energetic president of Integrity/Vancouver, talked on the urgency of improving our communications with each other. We made informal pledges to make sure that Integrity and Dignity chapters got several copies of each other's newsletters, and that we were kept "on board" with each other's activities. Congratulations, Vancouver, for a splendid event! ========= [92-7-4] MORE MEMBERS' RESPONSES AT THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION FORUM [The words of Canon MURIEL HORNBY of the diocese of Algoma:] SINCE WE ARE NOT CLEAR as to how our orientation is formed, as yet in time, and because I cannot walk in the moccasins of my brothers and sisters of the gay and lesbian community, I need to be accepting, compassionate, non-judgemental, and work at being an active listener. And I trust that my church community will do no less. Thank you. = = = = = [The words of Bishop TERENCE FINLAY of Toronto diocese:] FIVE VERY BRIEF SENTENCES: As a result of this past year, I am convinced that in light of what we have experienced in the Diocese of Toronto, the present policy of the House of Bishops must be re- examined by the whole Church, laity, clergy, and bishops. And I personally believe our diocese is committed to this task. Secondly, as Anglicans, we need to learn how to listen to one another, both gay and straight, with sensitivity and care, if we are to hear what God is saying through the other person. Thirdly, we need to recall our Anglican way of approaching complex issues with faithfulness to scripture, tradition, reason, experience, and responsible compromise. As a result of our experience in the Diocese of Toronto, I think we have some very helpful resources for parishes to use if they wish. Finally, my heart aches for gay and lesbian people who are trying to live caring and monogamous Christian lives, and remain within the Church. And I hope, as a church, we can hear these stories, and come to a faithful and just resolution. = = = = = [The words of LEA STARR of the diocese of Edmonton:] YOUR GRACE, Members of General Synod, visitors and partners: My name is Lea Starr, I'm from the Diocese of Edmonton, I'm very nervous, and I'm heterosexual. I am also free to share that with you. In preparation for my participation at this Synod, I decided I need to hear from various people I am trying to represent. Some members of my heterosexual community approached me, and shared their own thoughts and feelings. I found it necessary to seek out members of my community who are homosexual, to hear their stories. My experiences of dialogue with these people was profoundly spiritual. In this process of discovery, two homosexual persons shared with the delegates of our diocese. What I remember most about what they said is that they cannot have a full voice, both in tonight's discussion, and the full life of our church. These are the voices we need to hear most, but can't, because they are marginalised, due to the position we have to this point taken towards their sexual orientation. We have already heard several people mention the fear of condemnation, expressions of hatred, backlash, reprisal, fear of job loss and loss of income, and the shunning they have experienced. Because of this many people are unable to speak. These people are unable to be full participants in our community, and in our communion, because we have not given the full love and security that each individual must have. They are not safe within our Church. While it is good to have this discussion tonight, I am reminded that because not all members of our communion are free to speak, it mirrors our own church. I have lived in a church that's drawn a circle that excludes the homosexual members of my family. I thank God my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters have also drawn a circle that takes me in! ======== [92-7-5] PFLAG PARENTS AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS are a support group for parents of lesgays. Mary and Laurie Jones (416 457 4570) lead the Toronto/ Brampton/ Mississauga group, which meets on the second Friday of the month in Brampton. On 13 November, their guest speaker will be Peter Garnsworthy, on "Growing up Gay in a Church family". There is also a Toronto group which meets on the first Wednesday of the month: call Carroll Austin-Jewitt at (416) 322 0600 for details. Please support these people, because they are a wonderful support to us, their gay and lesbian children. ======== [92-7-6] OF UGLY FISH AND CLOSETS by Integrity founder LOUIE CREW RECENTLY MY HUSBAND AND I took our nephew to the new aquarium in Camden, NJ. One tank demonstrated camouflage, with a sign saying something like, "Can you spot all 20 species in this tank?" I dutifully sought them out, each blending into their surroundings. Then a chunk of a darker piece of rock began to move. I looked closely and saw bumps over it, with two tiny eyes. At about the same moment, a large woman I had not noticed behind me had also spotted this same glob of ugly "rock" and said for the dozens around to hear, "That's the ugliest god damned fish I have ever seen!" The entire aquarium seemed stunned by her candour. The "rock" even stopped its guarded, slight wiggle. I turned and said, "Of course, sweetheart. That is the fate guaranteed to all who must match their environment exactly." ======== [92-7-7] READ ANY GOOD BOOKS LATELY? Long-time readers of *Integrator* will recall that for General Synod in 1989, we published *Our Stories*, a collection of thumbnail autobiographies of lesgays within the Church. Again and again it has been shown that it is not theology or rational arguments that changes minds and hearts on the issue of homosexuality, it is the stories of individual people. So we produced *Our Stories*, a sixteen page booklet. We did not reprint for General Synod 1992, because a much better resource had been published. Last year, Integrity Inc in the US published *A Book of Revelations*, a paperback book that compiles many autobiographies. Some of them are Canadian, one even comes from prison. It was edited by Integrity founder Dr Louie Crew. If you haven't read this book yet, do so. There are many other good books around. A couple of new ones that we haven't mentioned here before, but come highly recommended are *Good Fruits *by Jim Cotter, and *Can Homophobia Be Cured?* by Bruce Hilton. A few others: *Homosexuality in the Priesthood* by Jeannine Grammick, *Let My People In* by Rose Mary Denman, *Taking a Chance on God* by John McNeill, and anything by Chris Glaser -- *Uncommon Calling*, and *Coming Out to God*, and *Come Home!* spring to mind. All of these are available from the Anglican Book Centre, in Church House, 600 Jarvis St Toronto M4Y 2J6 (416) 924 9192. If you don't often get to Toronto, ABC is quite happy to sell these by mail, and can provide a more extensive list of their Homosexuality books. ======== [92-7-8] FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE From All Walks Of Life, Toronto's pledge walk to raise money for AIDS related charities will take place on Sunday 18 October 1992. The 10 km walk begins and ends in Nathan Phillips Square, and Integrity will be among the many Anglican groups participating. The Anglican Church of Canada will mark AIDS Awareness Sunday on 4 October, and will pray for all those living with AIDS and those who are working with them. Two weeks later, From All Walks Of Life is another way to support those people. Ours is the community hardest hit, we have been there from the beginning and will continue to support our brothers and sisters. Please join the Integrity team -- or sponsor one of our walkers if you can't walk yourself. To register for the Integrity team, call 921 0836. Then collect pledges, and join us on the 18th. All of the Anglican groups, complete with banners and ribbons, will meet Bishop Finlay at the Peace Garden in the square at 12:30 pm. ======== End of volume 92-7 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1992 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9