Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 18:57:30 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1991 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 91-4, issue date 1991 04 10 copyright 1991 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [91-4-1] LESBIAN AND GAY ANGLICANS TELL THEIR STORIES [91-4-2] THE NINE-STORY RAMP / by Edith Shore [91-4-3] FROM THE EDITOR [91-4-4] POSTCARDS FROM THE MARGINS / a snapshot from the life of Bev Walpole [91-4-5] COMING OUT TO OURSELVES AND TO OUR CHURCH / by Thomas Roach [91-4-6] SHARPEN YOUR PENCILS! [91-4-7] BUT IF ... ======== [91-4-1] LESBIAN AND GAY ANGLICANS TELL THEIR STORIES The personal stories of nine gay and lesbian Anglicans are being published and offered free in a study resource entitled Our Stories/Your Story. It is the product of two years of work by the Working Group on Gays and Lesbians in the Church (WGGL). WGGL is a sub-unit of the national church's Human Rights Unit. A press release issued with the 46-page document says it is intended to assist parishes in dealing with the stereotypes of gay and lesbian members of the church. The hope is that it will encourage discussion about sexual orientation and open up within the Anglican community a conversation about human sexuality that will be marked by charity and openness. Each autobiography is followed by a number of questions written by WGGL. These questions are to help readers, both individuals and people in small study groups, to reflect on the life-experiences in each story. Edith Shore, consultant for the Human Rights Unit, says the study resource does not contain policy statements or recommendations, but it is hoped that it will encourage some parishes to identify themselves as "safe" places which welcome gays and lesbians. Ms Shore also says that the Unit hopes to have sexual orientation accepted as one of the non-discriminatory grounds of Human Rights Principles in the church. (This document, first drafted in 1986, continues to be debated at the National Executive Council and the House of Bishops.) If this happens she says it would be much more difficult for bishops to refuse to ordain gay and lesbian candidates. The Rt Rev Terence Finlay, bishop of Toronto, urges church members to read the booklet and to make their comments on the questionnaire included with the resource. "As far as I am aware there is no anticipated change in our church's position. This is an attempt to help people understand and to encourage informed discussion. "It is important to hear these stories," said the bishop, "and to reflect on the pain people experience in their life, and at the same time to search for God in the midst of all this." The nine stories by gay and lesbian clergy and lay members of the church provide an intensely personal glimpse of their struggle to deal with the issue of sexual orientation as Christians. With two exceptions, the writers remain anonymous. Joyce Barnett and Alison Kemper, members of Holy Trinity parish in downtown Toronto, tell of how their relationship forced them to make a decision between continuing their ordained ministry as deacons, or living together as a couple. Although both women celebrate their decision to live together as lesbians, they express anger at being inhibited by the diocese. *Our Stories/Your Story* is available free from the national resource centre, 600 Jarvis St, Toronto ON M4Y 2J6, or by calling (416) 924 6613. [Adapted by permission from the April 1991 issue of *The Anglican*, the Toronto diocesan newspaper.] ======== [91-4-2] THE NINE-STORY RAMP by Edith Shore I keep hoping that the churches will be, if not in the vanguard of inclusiveness, at least marching with the parade. Lots of church buildings have ramps for the disabled, facilities for the children and in a few cases, sign language for the deaf. The feminist cause was the hope that captured me in the first place, but new struggles for inclusion keep on becoming visible if you give them half a chance. After staffing the AIDS Working Group for three years, I have begun to hope that the church can rise to the pastoral and educational task presented by the AIDS-affected. Most recently, in working with the Human Rights Unit, I hope again for inclusion. This time the inclusion is probably tougher. How can we welcome gays and lesbians in a way that affirms the whole community? We may need a special ramp to allow new ideas to roll into traditional spaces. What kind of ramp changes attitudes rather than elevation? Encourages vision not just wheeled access? Promotes understanding as well as independence? The nine stories in *Our Stories/Your Story* are an attempt to be a ramp that begins a discussion about inclusion. Stories invite rather than insist, but all the same, they have their own integrity. Stories are not legislative. Stories speak with different emphases to different people. The power of a story is in the undeniable humanity of its voice. A nine-story ramp ought to be a good start. ======== [91-4-3] FROM THE EDITOR This issue of *Integrator* contains two stories of gay men in the Anglican church, and news of a collection of other stories being published. Integrity's charter mission is to work for full acceptance of lesgay people in the church and in society. While we can theologise all we want, I am convinced that it is by telling our stories -- our own experiences of life and of God's love, and by reflecting on those real experiences, that lesgay people will achieve that end. As Bishop Finlay says of *Our Stories/Your Story*, "it is important that we hear these stories, and to reflect on the pain people experience in their lives, and at the same time to search for God in the midst of all this." I think the bishop is exactly right, and I applaud him for saying so. This issue sees the first of what I hope will be an ongoing series of vignettes from lesgay life, *Postcards from the Margins *: "Postcards" because they will be snapshots, single incidents in the life of lesgay people in our dealings with church and society; "Margins" because we are frequently perceived as being there. Bev Walpole has sent us our first postcard. At this time, I would like to invite all of our readers to send us a postcard or two, anywhere from 100 - 500 words. Realising that not everyone is prepared to have their name in print, I will publish anonymous or pseudonymous postcards. The other story in this issue is a little longer. It comes from Thomas Roach, member of General Synod 1989 from a western diocese. Thomas saw Integrity's booth at General Synod in St John's, but at that time didn't feel comfortable approaching us. As he later wrote, he'd been "counselled back into the closet". Both Bev and Thomas have done a lot of work in and for the Anglican Church in their day. One is still in the church, the other has left. I invite you to read their stories. I also invite your letters of response. CHRIS AMBIDGE *Editor* ======== [91-4-4] POSTCARDS FROM THE MARGINS The first of an ongoing series of snapshots of the lives of lesgay people, in the Church and in Society. This postcard is from BEV WALPOLE, who lives and works in Wawa, Ontario. Bev has served as Lay Secretary to the Synod of Diocese of Moosonee. For a number of years he considered entering the priesthood. = = = = = = Last summer I left the Anglican Church. Although I miss part of my involvement, I am mostly satisfied about the choice I made. For two years after coming out of the closet I struggled to belong; but finally concluded that the church had no place for me. The use of scripture to condemn homosexuality by fundamentalist believers coupled with the silent assent to their conclusions by many other church people kept me apart from the body of Christ. I wasn't satisfied with lip service offered by the clergy in whom I confided, no matter how well informed or well meaning they were. Even if a rector supported or affirmed my homosexuality, I perceived the rest of the parish as homophobic. Why stay where I was not wanted? Is it necessary for me to force myself into a mould of other peoples' expectations to meet God? Do I have to deny my truth? He knows where I'm at, and is present whether I am alone or in a community. If I do not fit the mould, what happens to the extra part of me that is left over or doesn't fit? God made me. ALL of me. What an insult to him to knowingly deny the gift I received when I was consecrated to life by him! If I do not want to deny the responsible expression of my sexual orientation to belong to a group that believes who I am is wrong, then why not seek one that is supportive and affirming? At the moment I haven't found that group, but I'm not really concerned. When the time and circumstances are right, things will come together for me. I am alone -- physically isolated in a small town in northern Ontario. I have not met any gay brothers or sisters here, and I am distanced from the ones I know and love. I am in my third year of membership in Integrity/Toronto, and being so far away I have never attended a function other that Pride Day 1988. I read *Integrator* and am impressed by the perseverance of those who fight to raise our profile within the church. My friends in the church are aware of how I feel. Some insist there is a place for me. Some have suggested other denominations. Some have said "hang in there and fight!" . I no longer have the stomach or the heart to do that. I suppose that could be construed by some as walking away from God, but that isn't so. I have no fight with God. He is with me always, reassuring me I have a place in his creation regardless of my religious affiliation. God made me gay and I am created in his image. I sense his affirmation of who I am, and I am at peace with him. I did not experience such happiness from my association with the church. So it is better to leave and seek something else. I will be interested to see how, if and when my spirituality , faith and belongingness to the body come together. ======== [91-4-5] COMING OUT TO OURSELVES AND TO OUR CHURCH by Thomas Roach I grew up in the Anglican Church. More precisely, I grew into the Anglican Church. I always felt that I had a lot to offer to the church, and often went to great extremes to do things for the church. I was driven to do everything possible and more for the church. I sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, helped organise youth groups, and headed the servers guild. I worked with the diocesan AYM, summer camps and vacation bible schools. I also founded a parish drama group. I served on parish vestry, was a lay reader, attended diocesan synod on behalf of a university chaplaincy, was a member of General Synod 1989 and currently serve on a national committee of the church. You name it, I probably have done it. This is not a resume for sainthood, but it is a sure course to martyrdom. One might think that I had all this drive because I had a strong faith, but in fact that couldn't have been further from the truth. I wanted desperately to be accepted by the church community so that God could accept me too. With an attitude like that, it is not surprising that I was unable to have an honest relationship with God, my creator, redeemer and sanctifier. I was different from everyone else: I was gay. I knew that it was wrong and sinful to be gay. I knew this because the church had told me, and I had never thought to question the church. One summer, while working for the diocese of Calgary, I realised that the work that I was doing within the church was for me, and not for God. My inability to accept my sexuality prevented me from understanding my relationship with God. Without this relationship, my work was self- serving. My unwillingness to accept my sexuality had built a huge wall between me and God. I was unwilling to question the prevailing homophobia of the church. Deep down in my heart I still knew that I was gay. It was during that summer that I made the first moves to come out of the closet. I quickly retreated. I had missed out an essential step. I needed first to reconcile my faith with my sexuality. I still thought that it was a sin to be gay. If I had not overcome my own internal homophobia, how could I overcome that same hatred in the church? I turned to my parish priest who was a good friend and had been my spiritual guide and mentor for some time. I continued to let the homophobia, within and around me, affect my judgement. My priest gave me the two traditional options: be gay and remain celibate, living a loveless life; or become straight. The first option was absolutely horrific, I had no choice but the latter. I felt that I should be healed of my homosexuality. I now realise that this was more of a plea to take away my sexuality, not my homosexuality. Then, as now, the church was not only unwilling to accept homosexuality, it was often unwilling to accept sexuality in general. I felt if I retreated back into the closet, then all my problems would go away. I would not have to deal with sexuality, homosexuality, or homophobia. I accepted my priest's counselling, and went back into the closet under the guise of heterosexuality. With his help, I had slammed the door so hard that the reverberations shook my very foundations. I re-discovered how dark and lonely the closet really is. I was not healed; I was more deeply wounded. I lay in that closet for almost three more years before I realised that I had been trying to lock God out of that closet and out of my life. In spite of my efforts, God was always there with me. I had successfully locked out the church. God took that time to show me the truth about my sexuality outside the influence of the church. God showed me that sexuality (both homosexual and heterosexual) is one of God's many gifts to us. Like any other gift, it is not a gift until it is received. It had taken me those three years in the lonely closet to accept God's gift of wholeness. I did this by first receiving the gift of sexuality. I then needed to reconcile this gift with the rest of my faith. These two things could never again be separated. I had to re-assess what the church and the scriptures had taught me. I began to look critically and honestly at all aspects of my faith. The wall between me and God came down, at first slowly, then in a tremendous avalanche. This collapse took my closet down with it. It was only then that I was truly healed. Now I have turned to faithfully removing the debris. I must be ever vigilant that I don't rebuild the wall or the closet. I hope, and trust in God, that they are both gone forever. Once again I am driven to action within the church, but this time it is more faithful to God. I believe that the lesbian and gay communities are a prophetic voice for the love of Christ in our modern world. We must reclaim the gospel, and live it in our church and in the community with our gay brothers and lesbian sisters. But in order to be God's prophetic instruments, we must each overcome the homophobia within ourselves. [Author Box: THOMAS ROACH is a graduate student in Ontario. When not working on his thesis, he is helping to start Integrity/Kingston.] ======== [91-4-6] SHARPEN YOUR PENCILS! *The Anglican*, the Toronto diocesan newspaper, runs a series of opinion pieces every month. Their practice is to propose a topic in advance, and to solicit letters or short essays on the question. Each month, one article on each side of the debate is printed, with excerpts from other letters. The question under debate in the June issue is "Should the Anglican Church bless same-sex unions?". This is a golden opportunity to make your voice heard by a wide audience on this matter. We can probably all imagine the words that will be said on the negative side of the question: those opinions should not be allowed to go by default. Please send your opinion, in 350 words or less, to: The Anglican / 135 Adelaide Street East Toronto ON M5C 1L8 The deadline is May 6, so time is of the essence. ======== [91-4-7] BUT IF ... "But if the Anglican Church accepts ______ [fill in the blank: the BAS, women priests; gay marriages] we will lose too many of our members!" This may well be a tragic truth, pointing to the sad quality of the preaching and teaching in our church in the past generation, but I thought the Good Shepherd was willing to leave the ninety-nine to find the one that was lost. Maybe I'm confused. Or was it that the father refused to welcome home the prodigal son rather than offend the one who stayed home? [Integrity/Edmonton September 1990, adapted from Integrity/Dallas April 1990.] ========== End of volume 91-4 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1991 Integrity/Toronto comments please to Chris Ambidge, Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9