Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 18:57:00 -0400 From: Chris Ambidge Subject: *Integrator* files for 1990 INTEGRATOR, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto volume 90-5, issue date 1990 06 03 copyright 1990 Integrity/Toronto. The hard-copy version of this newsletter carries the ISSN 0843-574X Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9 == contents == [90-5-1] THE EUCHARIST AS SEEN BY A COMPUTER USER / by Sandy Tipper [90-5-2] CARLA'S STORY [90-5-3] WRITING LETTERS / by Chris Ambidge ======== [90-5-1] THE EUCHARIST AS SEEN BY A COMPUTER USER by Sandy Tipper Many things in our faith are hard to understand directly, and so we often use analogies, symbols, or models to give us a way to talk and think about difficult concepts. Many times we can come to sharp disagreement with each other because we find different models useful, and we either do not find their models useful, or we are disturbed by limitations in their models, or sometimes it just gets down to "my model is better than your model [because it's mine]". There would be much more love and respect for others (especially those from other traditions) if we would only look at the fact that ALL models are inherently only approximations, and use them appropriately as such, rather than idolising them (i.e. confusing the model with the reality being described). One example of a field in which there has been *enormous* conflict is in Eucharistic theology. I am sure that the tragedies and hate arising around differing models of the central demonstration of divine Love have caused the Holy Spirit much grief. In particular, one of the major stumbling blocks of Catholic/Protestant mutual misunderstanding is the Once-only/Every-time offering of the Eucharistic Sacrifice. Protestants insist that the sacrifice was offered once and only once, fixed historically in the first century at Calvary. Roman Catholics refer to the sacrifice of the mass at the priest's hands as a recreation/re-offering of the same sacrifice. I work with powerful, multi-user computers, and in my work I have stumbled across a model of the Eucharist that makes a great deal of sense to me, resolves many of the differences, and has helped me in my private devotional life. Multi-user computers have a master program called the "operating system" (system, for short) that looks after all of the users, answering their needs, doing the work for them of talking to the hardware, and controlling their environment, so that each one is independent of each other, each with their own unique memory area, all effectively isolated from each other so that they can be ignorant of each others' presence. Programs run by users can ask the system to do special things for them, but they do not know what's going on in detail, nor do they need to, since they do not have the capability of doing these things unassisted. An example of such a "system call" involves memory management, setting up a "global section". A global section is simply a part of memory that more than one user can share with others, at the same or at differing times, each user "seeing" the section as if it was their own exclusively. This is a powerful way of communicating and/or using data in common. The first user must ask the system to create the global section (this usually requires special privileges). The other users (usually needing less privilege) must ask the system to "map to" the global section. This bears a striking similarity to some aspects of the Eucharist. I see the Last Supper as Christ's "system call" to the Parent to create a mystical global section [a permanent, universal area for sharing]. This "data area" was "initialised" by the salvific Sacrifice at Calvary, sealed and confirmed by the Resurrection. Now, each Eucharistic celebration is our system call to the Parent to map to this same shared area along with all others in other places and other times. This analogy helps me resolve the artificial dispute (which only comes about because of our egocentric time-and-place oriented frames of reference). Christ's action is unrepeatable, in that the action of Calvary is sufficient and complete, but the Eucharistic Sacrifice is not a *new*, independent offering, not even a copy of the original, but a *mapping* onto the original, only, good-for-all-time sacrifice. THIS HAS THE FURTHER IMPLICATION that the original sacrifice, although *complete*, is not *terminated*. Think of the perfect tense, not the past tense. It is good-for-all-time, because it is available now throughout all time. The sacrifice of Christ at Calvary was a historical event with eternal (== timeless, unending) consequences. It is in this= way that the Eucharistic Sacrifice is not just a reminder or commemoration of something someone did two millennia ago, but is our *premier* means of communicating (in fact of *being*) with both the Godhead and the entire Church Universal, from day One to day Omega. Everyone perceives "their" Eucharist as the "real" one, because they apprehend it in the local context of their own physical place and time, just as each program mapping to a global section deals with it as if it were their own private memory. This is the part that helps me devotionally, because I am now free to go beyond the limits of my eyes and ears and calendar, and enter into an appreciation of the Communion of Saints, to know for real that I am in the self-same congregation of the faithful, sharing in the same eternal feast as the Apostles, the chantry priests of the middle ages, sisters and brothers on the other side of the world, and all those yet to come before the Saviour returns. Not just a *similar* celebration, or another repetition of it, but the *very same one*. Programs can map to a selected portion of the global section if they so wish, but then they can only access the data that is in the area actually mapped. Similarly, someone who does not acknowledge the whole mystery of the Eucharist is still in contact with the entire worshipping Church and with the central mystery of salvation, although they may not be fully appreciative of it nor do they fully participate in the Communion of the whole Body of Christ. By this I can understand how people with differing Eucharistic theology can still be part of the Church Universal. User programs do not need to know (in fact do *not* know) the details of the memory management; they only need to call the system services explicitly or implicitly through utility packages. Similarly, a Christian does not need to know (in fact does *not* know) the details of the mystery of the saving work of Christ and the mystical union of the Head and the Body; s/he only needs to call on the Saviour by faith explicitly through the Liturgy or implicitly through prayer and/or sacramentals. By this I can rest assured that it is not up to me and the correctness of my theology to coerce grace from God; only God knows the details, and grace is given as a gift of love, not a prize in a metaphysical puzzle. I hope that this model is as useful to you as it has been to me. If you have any models that you have found helpful, please send them in to *Integrator*. ======== [90-5-2] CARLA'S STORY + This article is reprinted from both the Canadian and the + American editions of the Integrity publication *Our Stories* I was born over 40 years ago in a tiny midwestern town of 300 rigid and religious souls, most of whom were my close relatives. Since I was my parents' only child, and the only girl in three generations on either side of my family, I was raised to be perfect. I think I complied with all of the rural, plain, and simple taboos of a very conservative family. We were in church seven hours a week: Fundamentalist, sure. I didn't know anything else. What the preacher said that he got out of the King James Bible was what we talked about in Sunday School and at Sunday dinner and Wednesday supper and when we did family prayers every night. It was all about drinking and dancing and cards and hell fires that would never go out. God was a man with a white beard, sitting on a cloud, breathing smoke out of his nostrils. He carried lightning bolts and threw them at people who did wrong. A girl in my elementary school got hit by lightning and we all knew it was because she had sinned. When I graduated from high school, I got a scholarship to college. I was the first person on either side of my family to go away to the university. People warned me about the sin in my college town, and they were mostly right. There wasn't a church of my denomination within walking distance of my dormitory, so I went to the Christian Church. They had a big choir and I joined. One of the people in the choir was a girl named Carla -- my name, too. She was very shy and came from a town very similar to my own. We were best friends -- my first real friend who wasn't a relative. The next year we roomed together in the all-girls' dorm. It was like heaven, having a "sister," a woman, a person I could talk to for the first time in my life. I could trust her. And she trusted me. We were alone in an evil world of sex and drink and drugs. We didn't need that stuff: we had each other. Some of the women on our floor started a rumour that Carla and I were Lesbians and sex partners. The first time I heard that, I threw up. Lesbians were fat, hairy women who had bad complexions and talked dirty. They wore T-shirts without any bras, and had whistles on a lanyard around their necks. They were all in physical education. They all had social diseases. They were rotten and doomed to perdition and the fiery lakes of hell. I was not a Lesbian and Carla was not a Lesbian. We are both size eights; we are both quiet and polite and proper. We wear clean clothes. I got sick. Carla laughed. Carla and I roomed together for five years. We both got Masters degrees and teacher certification. When we found jobs we were only 35 miles apart. Every weekend, one of us would visit the other. For eight months, we looked forward to that last hour on Friday. Then Carla's grandmother died, and I knew how close they had been. I drove over at once to see Carla and we held each other for over two hours. We both cried. I went to the funeral in the funeral home and afterwards Carla took me with her to her grandmother's house where the relatives and neighbours had brought in dinner. She gave me a cup and saucer of her grandmother's as a keepsake. The whole family was friendly and welcoming. They asked me to stay over that night. I shared a bed with Carla. In the middle of the night, Carla started to shake and to sob again. I held her. And we became lovers. That was over fifteen years ago. We are still lovers. There is no one on earth whom I can love as much as Carla. There is no one, anywhere, who loves me as much as Carla does. We have one strong and beautiful soul, and we care for other people because we care so much for each other. We are both great teachers, and we love our kids and our colleagues with a huge love. People invite us both to dinners and to parties together, now, even in our rural midwestern town (we're now teaching at the same school). We don't try to hide anything from anybody any more. We don't make a big scene about our love, either. We don't have to. I can look in the mirror and see a Lesbian, now. And I can call Carla a Lesbian without getting sick. And I discovered that God loves us more for being honest than for trying to conceal the simple truth and be something we aren't. It is worse trying not to be somebody you are than trying to be somebody you aren't. We don't have to bother any more. Six years ago on February 14 we celebrated our union with a major occasion. We had talked about such a celebration for years, and finally met an Episcopal chaplain at our alma mater who is a gay male priest. We talked with him for a year about marriage and holy unions and Recommitment and fidelity and love, and all the implications. We suddenly realised that priests and ministers do not "marry" people -- only the partners do. The couple makes vows to one another in the presence of God and their friends, and everyone prays that they will be faithful and happy. We saw that it is the love and fidelity, the covenant, which brings us together and keeps us together, and that sex is a major and beautiful part of that union. We discovered a God who loves and creates and nurtures like a mother and a loving father, and not a God who hates and judges and kills. And we found a God who gives us minds to think with about good and evil, and trust and pretence -- and not just a closed book. We found a God who loves us, and loves through us. We were confirmed in the Episcopal Church in 1982, and are both very active. Carla and I belong to a group of gay men and Lesbians in the Episcopal Church, Integrity, and we have found a lot of shy young people of both genders who are fearful of who they are and what they can become. Many are caught in the rigid prison of stereotypes and social role-playing, and many are dismally lonely. Jesus is there, in the midst of all of us, loving and embracing us all. Carla and I need each other and we need our God to be with us and in us. We both feel that we mean a lot more together than either of us could ever mean alone, and that is what we want to share with love and with Integrity. That's our joy and our life. God loves us all. ======== [90-5-3] WRITING LETTERS by Chris Ambidge There are a number of Integrity/Toronto members who I have never met. Many of our members live well outside commuting distance to Metropolitan Toronto, but support our work in the lesbian/gay community. They live in all provinces from Alberta to New Brunswick, and in Idaho, Wisconsin and Florida. I feel as if I know these people, some of them quite well, because of the correspondence that we share. Some of these distant members are "supportive straights", and others are gay/lesbian people. They are frequently living in isolated places, without the ready access to the community and organisations that I take for granted here in Toronto. I think (and hope!) that our contacts by mail, as well as *Integrator*, keep these people in closer touch with a wider lesbian/gay community. I enjoy writing letters, and hearing back personally from these friends that I have never seen. *Integrator* is mailed to hundreds of people. I'm wondering if there is anyone else on the mailing list who would enjoy friendship-by-post: if so, let me know! Write to me c/o Integrity, Box 873 Station F, Toronto M4Y 2N9, and I'll act as a clearing house for addresses. One particular group who would *definitely* enjoy correspondence are three members who live in the United States. These men are in prison, and I know that time hangs heavy on their hands. They have all given me permission to print their names and addresses here: William Smith, PO Box 3310, Oshkosh WI, USA 54903-3310 / David Yon #26889, IMSI C-Block #23, PO Box 8288, Boise ID USA 83703-8288 / William Brown, 075644 #1734, PO Box 1100, Avon Park FL, USA 33825-1100. I've never visited a prison in person, but Bill, David and Bill all tell me that a letter IS a visit, and really brightens up a day. A quick glance at Matthew 25.36 assures me that it is a good thing to do -- but I don't write from some sort of compulsion. These people are my friends, and I enjoy their company that comes through my mailbox. If you have a little time to spare, write to one of these people. By the way, postage to the US is presently 45=A2. Postage back is 30=A2 US. Prisoners have a very limited supply of funds. Please send a self- addressed envelope, and attach a US stamp if you can. If you can't get a stamp, *don't* let that stop you -- I've sent them a few extras, and I can get some to you if you let me know (address above). ======== GIRAFFES ABOUT TOWN An irregular column about the doings of Integrity members and friends o Quote of the Month: In this world pain is inevitable. Misery, on the other hand, is optional. "TJ" Mallon. o The LOGOS Institute, the adult continuing Christian education unit of the Diocese of Toronto, is continuing to offer the course *Sexuality: Gift of God*. The course is being revised to meet some of the needs detected as it was being run last year. Several Integrity members were among those who met at the initial revision meeting. One of the big needs felt was for more time! Five 2-hour sessions barely scratches the surface. Nevertheless, the course is really meeting a need, allowing Christians to explore many issues of sexuality in the context of their faith community. On another front, a one-day course on AIDS is in the early planning stages at LOGOS. o The meeting of 30 May was particularly joyful: Integrity/Toronto members from as far afield as Guelph and Alliston as well as Metro Toronto were joined by Carl Eric Johnson, of Chicago, and Mayne Ellis, who by the time you read this will be living in the United Kingdom. Carl Eric was secretary of Integrity/Washington before he moved, and Mayne, before she moved, was convener of Integrity/Vancouver. Her articles have appeared several times in *Integrator*, and we look forward to reports from the UK. o Pentecost weekend will see the annual Integrity retreat at St John's Convent, led (as always) by Sister Thelma-Anne. Sr T-A has her work cut out for her: this year's registrations are at the record level of 12 participants. o Coming up at the end of this month: Lesbian/Gay Pride Day, on Sunday 24 June. The festivities will be all afternoon in the park and streets around the 519 Church St Community Centre. Integrity will be there! Our booth will be alongside those of other members of the Toronto Interfaith Gay/Lesbian Network, in "Religion Row". The network will also be having a Worship Service at 2pm downstairs at the 519, and members will march together in the parade. This is a very enjoyable and affirming day. Last year over 20 000 people were part of the celebration -- do come and enjoy some or all of the festivities this year. o The night before Pride Day will be a GCDC dance. These dances are always extremely popular -- and one of our main sources of revenue. This revenue comes from ticket sale commissions and volunteer work at the dance. If you'd like a ticket (or two), please buy them from Sandy, and speak to him if you could work for a couple of hours. The dances are fun, and a great kick-off to Pride Day itself. ======== End of volume 90-5 of Integrator, the newsletter of Integrity/Toronto copyright 1990 Integrity/Toronto Editors this issue: Bonnie Bewley & Chris Ambidge comments please to Chris Ambidge, current Editor chris.ambidge@utoronto.ca OR Integrity/Toronto Box 873 Stn F Toronto ON Canada M4Y 2N9