From: Date: Mon, 19 Feb 1996 20:40:36 -0500 Subject: Interview with Mel White (long) an interview with Mel white as published in Open Doors (the Newsletter of the Greater Chicago PFLAG Chapters) by Cathy Davis (published with permission)Karen Jackson, editor. OPEN DOORS: WHEN DID YOU FIRST BECOME INVOLVED WITH PFLAG? Mel White: I don't remember exactly, but everywhere I go there've been PFLAG volunteers coming out to help, whether we're marching or fasting or in jail--they're always there. When I came back from my 23 days of horror in Virginia Beach (where he was jailed for refusing to leave 700 Club head quarters until Pat Robertson agreed to see him), there was PFLAG with their signs waving, saving "Welcome Home!"...Everywhere we go, it's PFLAG. I dedicated "Stranger at the Gate" to PFLAG because I think it is our "bridge across troubled waters." PFLAG is the one hope that gays have of walking across to the straight community. PFLAG must succeed. OPEN DOORS:WHAT DO YOU SEE AS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR PFLAG TO DO NOW TO BE AS EFFECTIVE AS POSSIBLE? Mel White: I think you need to recruit. I think that needs to be your primary goal. Because when you ask someone to join PFLAG, you ask them to make a decision about gay and lesbian people. You force them to face the issue when you ask them to join. OPEN DOORS: ARE YOU SAYING THAT PFLAG SHOULD GO OUT AND RECRUIT OTHERS BESIDES PARENTS OF GAYS AN LESBIANS? Mel White: Yes. Not just parents, but "friends." Maybe there's a United Church of Christ in a town that's gay friendly. Every member of that church could be a member of PFLAG. before the year is up. I would do a church-wide membership. I'd go to every organization in town that's gay-freindly and recruit them. We need massive recruiting efforts. Because first of all you have a product that's worth selling, and secondly, you have a device in the recruitment that is forcing people to take a stand. We must force people to come out of the closet who are friends and family of lesbians and gays. I think they ought to have a million members in a very few years. I think a million members should be the goal. OPEN DOORS: WHAT COULD BE SOME PITFALLS FOR PFLAG? WHAT SHOULD WE BE WATCHING OUT FOR GOING INTO THIS BIG "PROJECT OPEN MIND" CAMPAIGN? Mel White: I'm not sure about pitfalls but if the members of PFLAG can keep seeing themselves as the only 911 we, the gay community, have to call...as the paramedics of the gay soul...as the last line of defense...then whatever internal organizational stuff comes up (and internal stuff comes up because we're people), it will not get the best of us. As long as PFLAG people can remember how important thy are, they will not fall prey to internal stuff. I'm convinced that PFLAG is as positive and hopeful a group as there is in the world! OPEN DOORS: DO YOU THINK THE CHRISTIAN COALITION WILL GO AFTER PFLAG? AND DO YOU THINK PFLAG IS PREPARED FOR THEM? Mel White: When you love as hard as PFLAG people love, nobody can dominate you. No angry voices will ever to that. I think PFLAG ought to recruit within the Christian Coalition. I think they ought to go right to CC meetings and stand up as parents and friends of lesbians and gays and say, "We've come because we know you care about children. We want you to join with us." They can be both. Christian Coalition isn't the enemy. And there are a lot of CC members who love their gay and lesbian children. The radical right are friends and family members. I would also do petition drives. I think PFLAG ought to have a petition that says, "Whatever I think the Bible says about gay and lesbian people, they too are Americans and deserve all the right and responsibilities of every American." And PFLAG ought to put that down in front of every radical right church and have them sign it. If they can't sign that, it's a crisis of conscience you are creating. So by taking the initiative with a petition like that , you are forcing people to deal with the issue positively. I think that the marriage petition that's out now from Lambda Legal is a wonderful marriage resolution that PFLAG chapters should sign and get every other organization in the city to sign to create a peaceful backlash. OPEN DOORS: HOW HAVE YOUR OWN PARENTS HANDLED YOUR DECISION TO COME OUT? Mel White: My parents went to the San Francisco PFLAG convention last year. They loved the way they were treated. Every parent should go to a PFLAG meeting just to see how positive everybody is. That was the beginning, I think, of their own journey. Once they saw that there was another world, it opened them up to all kinds of possibilities for change. Before the PFLAG convention when we were in Florida and the "60 Minutes" crew came, my parents jumped in the car and drove around until the crew left because they didn't want to be interviewed. But when I was in jail and Pat Robertson finally came and said (to me and the New York Times and other media), "I'm only here because your mother and father are grieving over you lifestyle, and I'm only here because they've requested it of me," my mother and father demanded an apology, and said, "We never wanted a gay son. But once we've got one we find nothing wrong with him. We're grateful for what he is, and you've got to take that back." So Pat Robertson apologized for misquoting them. And mom and dad said, "If you did care about us, why didn't you let him out when we sent you a fax 23 days ago? We love our gay son and we don't understand this issue, but we love him anyway." Most of their friends say, "Oh, we're so sorry about your son...and how we mourn the loss of your son." So when they went to the PFLAG convention and people were saying to them, "You've got the greatest son in the world," it created ambivalence. That ambivalence shakes the walls and the prejudices. OPEN DOORS: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT TO YOUR PARENTS?: Mel White: Over 10 years. One of the reasons they didn't want to talk to "60 Minutes" was because when they were interviewed earlier my mom told how she felt when she learned I was gay. She said she wanted t jump into the bottom of the pool and never come up. And that was embarrassing to them when they saw the interview on TV. They're still in the process of finding out where they are on the issue, but going to the PFLAG convention was a tremendous positive influence. One of the PFLAG couples adopted them, and just harassed them until they came to the convention. And that's what I like about PFLAG--a little harassment until you say, "Okay, okay, I'll join. Just go away!!" I mean, if PFLAG doesn't have the same energy that Amway has, where are we?...if you don't have the same desire to recruit as you have to sell soap!