Subject: SUBMISSION: PFLAG through one woman's eyes
From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 1996 22:25:47 -0400

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Parents, Familes and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is perhaps our
community's strongest in the fight for gay and lesbian civil rights. The
article below is about an ordinary woman who loves her sons and allowed PFLAG
help her reconcile her feelings. The article informs readers about PFLAG
through one woman's simple story.

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the author, Gip Plaster, prior to publication at [email-masked]. If your
publication does not pay, you may be able to publish the piece at no cost.
Please contact the author prior to publication to discuss arrangements.

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ARTICLE BELOW:
by Gip Plaster
(c) Copyright 1996 Gip Plaster

     Ruth Skidmore, the mother of two gay sons, leaves no doubt about what
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) has done for her
life.
     "Oh, it's done everything," Skidmore said. "It's brought me out of the
closet."
     Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc. was founded in
1981 by 25 parents. PFLAG affiliates are located in over three hundred
communities around the world. According to their mission statement, PFLAG
"promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons,
their families, and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse
society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public;  and advocacy, to
end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights." 
     The groups primary objective is to help families love and understand
each other.
     Skidmore, who attends PFLAG in Fort Worth, Texas, first learned of PFLAG
in 1992 when she read an article in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. She had
never heard of the organization.
     When her oldest son came out to her in 1979, Skidmore came to accept
him, but kept her concerns and prejudices locked within, she said. Then she
saw a PFLAG regional director and her gay son in full color in Fort Worth's
daily newspaper. Skidmore learned that the director lived just down the
street and agreed to go with her to a meeting. There, Skidmore came out, a
process she said is similar to the coming out process that gay and lesbian
people endure.
     "I was in the closet for fifteen years," Skidmore said.
     Soon, Skidmore was an active member of a newly-forming PFLAG chapter.
     Many are kept from the group by fear, Skidmore said. People are
apprehensive about attending a meeting with a group of strangers.
     "I was just like that," Skidmore said. "That's normal. You just have to
take that first step." She said PFLAG offers a supportive group of people
from all walks of life.
     Skidmore, who usually answers the PFLAG-Fort Worth help line, sends out
packets of information to inquirers who feel unable to attend the
first-Thursday meetings.
     Skidmore said PFLAG helped her move from loving her sons-- which was
always the case-- to marching in parades and being on the front lines of
battles for gay and lesbian civil rights. She also learned to better
understand that the faith she practices does not condemn homosexuality.
     "I had to research and read my Bible to understand what God really
meant," Skidmore said. What God meant is that "God is love... and the Bible
is taken out of context," she said, referring to the fact that the Bible was
written to a specific people and that the texts are often mistranslated and
not relevant to today's world.
     People having difficulty accepting a gay or lesbian relative or friend
are not the only ones welcome at PFLAG, though. People come to the meeting
who have already worked through their problems, Skidmore said.
     "Once they don't need to come, then we need them to help others," she
said. "When we've climbed to the top of the mountain, then we have to look
down and give a hand to those coming up."
     Attendees at all stages of the acceptance process discuss their feelings
after the meeting in "rap groups." In most chapters, speakers from the gay
and lesbian community educate the group about the culture in which thier gay
relative or friend lives.
     Skidmore, who is out to the people with whom she works and most of her
friends, said she is glad to be out and glad she found PFLAG.
     "It's easier living like this," she said. "I think PFLAG brought me to
this understanding."
     She encourages parents to educate themselves if there are things they do
not understand. Most of all, she encourages parents to love and accept their
children.
     "Don't destroy any bridges that will be hard to rebuild later," she
said.
     Skidmore awaits a time when gay and lesbian orientation will be an
accepted part of society and civil rights will be afforded to all people, she
said.
     "I will be glad when it gets to where we don't have to have a PFLAG." 
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