Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1998 15:26:49 -0500 From: PFLAG Communications Subject: PFLAG Alert: Holiday Tips for Families of Gays and Lesbians (see below for complete list of tips, or visit http://www.pflag.org for tips for g/l/b/t people also) For Immediate Release Contact: Janice Hughes Nov. 17, 1998 202-638-4200 (x225) Holiday Family Gatherings a Little Chilly? Special Tips To Help You Survive . . . Family gatherings during the holiday season can be the best of times and the worst of times, especially for those families with gay and lesbian loved ones, according to the head of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). "It can be a real challenge for families to make their gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered loved ones welcome during the stressful holiday season," said PFLAG President Paul Beeman. "Family get-togethers provide opportunities for sharing, including the gift of honesty that gays and lesbians give to their family members by 'coming out.' "Being open about something our society deems unacceptable takes a heck of a lot of courage, love and trust," stressed Beeman, a retired minister and father of a gay son and lesbian daughter. But, of course, that honesty can invoke many different reactions in families - ranging from acceptance to disbelief to rejection. Many PFLAG members - who make up 400-plus chapters nationwide - have their own holiday experiences to tell, Beeman noted. And they share those stories with the increased number of parents and youth alike who call PFLAG helplines for support beginning now through early January, he said. But families with gay and lesbian loved ones can warm up their holiday family interactions with these few simple tips (a full list follows), including: *Treat a gay person like you would treat anyone else in your family. *Include your gay family member's partner in your family traditions. *Don't be nervous about using the correct language. Honesty and openness creates warmth, sincerity and a deeper bond in a relationship. If you are not sure what is appropriate, ask for help. *Realize that the situation may be as difficult and awkward for your gay loved one as it is for you. *Connect with someone (a friend, a spouse) with whom you can talk openly about your concerns or feelings for your gay/lesbian loved one. For more information and assistance, contact your local PFLAG chapter or visit PFLAG's national website (http://www.pflag.org). Educational materials, including the booklet Our Sons & Daughters: Questions & Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People, are also available. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through - support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Serving over 70,000 members, PFLAG affiliates are located in more than 420 communities across the United States and abroad. 1101 14th St., NW, #1030, Wash., DC 20005 * 202/638-4200 * Fax: 202/638-0243 * info@pflag.org * http://www.pflag.org Home for the Holidays Tips For A Happy Holiday* If you are the family member or friend of someone gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered..... (see http://www.pflag.org for holiday tips for g/l/b/t people) 1. Set up support for yourself. It is important to realize you are not alone. Find the phone number of the nearest Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) chapter. 2. Take your time. Acceptance may not come instantly, but be honest about your feelings. 3. Don't be nervous about using the "correct" language. Honesty and openness creates warmth, sincerity and a deeper bond in a relationship. If you are not sure what is appropriate, ask for help. 4. Realize that the situation may be as difficult and awkward for your gay loved one as it is for you. Before the visit... 1. Practice in advance if you are going to be discussing your family member's sexual orientation with family and friends. If you are comfortable talking about it, your family and friends will probably be more comfortable too. 2. Anticipate potential problems, but do not assume the reactions will always be what you expected. 3. Consult with your gay loved one when coordinating sleeping arrangements if he or she is bringing home a partner. During the visit... 1. Treat a gay person like you would treat anyone else in your family. 2. Take interest in your family member's life. He or she is still the same person. 3. Don't ask your gay family member to act a certain way. Let them be their natural selves. 4. Acknowledge your gay family member's partner as you would any other family member's partner. 5. Include your gay family member's partner in your family traditions. 6. Ask your gay family member about his or her partner if you know they have one. 7. Connect with someone (a friend or a spouse) with whom you can talk openly about your concerns or feelings. * Some tips excerpted from Mariana Caplan's book When Holidays are Hell...! A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings, published by Hohm Press (Prescott, AZ) 1-800-381-2700. ### ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To be removed from the PFLAG Action Alert email list, send an email to info@pflag.org, subject line "unsubscribe." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~