Date: Mon, 30 Sep 96 16:07:06 EST From: "ngltf" Subject: Silver Lining in the Marriage Cloud ********************************************************************* National Gay and Lesbian Task Force OPINION-EDITORIAL Contact: John D'Emilio 202/332-6483 x3302 jdemilio@ngltf.org 2320 17th Street NW, Washington, DC 20009 http://www.ngltf.org ********************************************************************* A Silver Lining in the Marriage Cloud By John D'Emilio Director, NGLTF Policy Insitute Let's admit it. The short-term prospects for the acceptance of same-gender marriage are not promising. A third of the states have passed laws prohibiting recognition of such marriages from another state. By a lopsided vote, Congress has passed the so-called Defense of Marriage Act, and the President has signed it. And polls indicate that, while most Americans don't give much thought to the issue, when they do think about, they oppose it. It's true the courts in Hawaii might pave the way for legalization there. And our activist lawyers tell us that the new anti-marriage laws will not withstand constitutional challenges. But it is also true that reliance on the courts is always an "iffy" proposition. In short, the odds are not good that civil marriage will be coming to us any time soon. And most of us know this. In a recent Advocate poll, more respondents thought gay marriage would never be legal than that it would happen in less than two years. A large majority predicted it would take a decade or more of campaigning before we succeed. If that's the case, then we need seriously to talk strategy. What useful information can we glean from this year's historic marriage debate? A lot, I think. For instance: * though our marriages are not yet legal, the debate is propelling large numbers of us to get married anyway, in churches and synagogues, in rented halls and in public settings. These sometimes huge gatherings in which we openly affirm our love are--dare I use the word--"normalizing" our relationships for the many heterosexuals who witness the joy and hopefulness of our unions. * an amazing amount of editorial opinion is with us. Journalists have scrutinized the debate carefully, and many of them cannot find a single good reason for denying us the right to marry. * in the same month that DOMA became law, the city of Denver and the corporate behemoth IBM extended domestic partnerships to their employees. * most importantly, even many of the opponents of same-gender marriage have moved a great distance in the last year. Roy Romer, the governor of Colorado, opposes same-gender marriages but in the course of his state's debate said that law and public policy needed to change to give stability and protection to our relationships. Senator Patty Murray of Washington, while supporting DOMA, also came out forcefully for domestic partnership laws. And there are others like them in Congress and in state legislatures. What does this mean for us strategically? A great opportunity has opened for us. We can use the editorial and opinionmaker views that support us, hold elected officials to their word, and propel the movement for domestic partnership recognition and benefits forward. Employee groups all around the country are doing this already. They are seeing the workplace as an important location of change, and recognize that partnership benefits are a logical demand to make. But why not make this a broad-based nationwide legislative campaign as well? Just as we saw antigay marriage legislation debated in most of the states this year, why can't we see domestic partnership benefits become the debate of 1997 and 1998 in city councils and state legislatures everywhere. The advantages would be great. The educational value would be enormous. It's an opportunity to win allies a step at a time. Any victories we achieve would also bring practical benefits to many couples. And, it lays the groundwork for future change, creates more options for many folks, and may open unexpected possibilities. The marriage issue has tapped into a very deep emotional place for many of us. I can almost hear some readers saying that a campaign for domestic partnership recognition is settling for second best, is selling out and accepting half a loaf. But let's think historically for a minute. The African-American civil rights movement always knew that segregation was wrong, pure and simple. At the same time, movement leaders thought strategically about how to make change. They did not begin with a full-frontal assault on the heart of segregation. They worked along the periphery at first, attacking the separate but equal doctrine in places like medical schools and graduate education. Only when they had built up a base of initial victories did they go after segregation in the public schools; the smaller victories laid the groundwork for the big ones. It would be a shame if we let the emotional power of the marriage issue cloud our sense of how to move forward and accumulate victories along the way. Despite our losses, this year's debate has softened the ground. Let's start ploughing. ### Dear Editors/Publisher: This is an opinion/commentary written by Dr. John D'Emilio, the director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute. This month's commentary deals with the marriage debate, and the opportunities that have opened up to us despite our legislative defeats. Dr. D'Emilio is a noted historian and author. His works include "Making Trouble: Essays on Gay History, Politics and the University" (Routledge, 1992), "Sexual Politics, Sexual Communities: The Making of a Homosexual Minority in the United States, 1940-1970" (University of Chicago Press, 1983), and he is the co- author of "Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America" (Harper and Row, 1988). He is currently working on a biography of the late Bayard Rustin. Please consider running this month's piece in your publication. Photos of Dr. D'Emilio are available by calling (202) 332-6483. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is a progressive organization that has supported grassroots organizing and pioneered in national advocacy since 1973. Since its inception, NGLTF has been at the forefront of virtually every major initiative for lesbian and gay rights. In all its efforts, NGLTF helps to strengthen the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender movement at the state level while connecting these activities to a national vision for change. ###