Subject: Marriage Op-ed 4/12
From: [email-masked]
Date: Thu, 13 Apr 1995 12:50:27 -0400

[The following opinion/editorial is by Robert Bray, field organizer with the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Based in Washington, DC, NGLTF is a
leading national membership organization that has supported grassroots
organizing since1973.  Permission is granted to reprint with attribution. If
you run commentaries w/photos and would like a photo of Robert Bray, contact
NGLTF Media Director Robin Kane, 202-332-6483, ext. 3311; [email-masked]]

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD: 
SAME-SEX MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK

 Right around this time of year I get my annual reminders that my loving
relationship with my partner John is not worth much in the eyes of society.

 Perhaps it's my income tax returns,  which give me no option except to file
single because our union is not "valid." Or maybe it's the mailbox of
invitations announcing the June weddings of my straight friends and
relatives.  Or it could be all those glowing bride and groom advertisements
just in time for the upcoming nuptial season.

 Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately.  To be honest, I'm not certain if
it's my wedding I'm pondering (we haven't begun those discussions yet).  But
the subject of same-sex marriage is rapidly rising into the consciousness of
many Americans and has already made national headlines and front-page news
around the country.

 And it's clearly in the cross-sights of the Radical Right.  

 Aggressive pre-emptive strikes against same-sex marriage have already been
launched in at least three states with more attacks expected.  Alaska, Utah
and South Dakota have or are now facing pro-active bans on same-sex marriage.
 They clearly are designed to head off an affirmative ruling expected later
this year or early 1996 on a pending gay marriage case in Hawaii.

 A Congressional threat may be forthcoming, too.  Newt Gingrich rarely misses
an opportunity to demean gay relationships.

 In 1992, the Republican Party specifically stated an opposition to same-sex
marriages in its Platform.  The issue is sure to be raised as we enter a new
election cycle.
  
 The Radical Right plans to capitalize on society's vigorous opposition to
same-sex marriage and use it as a fundraising and political organizing weapon
to strengthen its "traditional family values" agenda.  Expect more attacks on
not only same-sex marriage but also gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
families, including foster parenting, adoption and child custody.

 It's time for our side to sound the alarm.

 We are asking for the equal right to marry the one we love and care for,
just as non-gay Americans do.  Many same-sex couples share the same
responsibilities as married couples.  However, nowhere in the United States
do they receive the same recognition or benefits, not even in communities
with domestic partnership laws.

 Of course, gay, lesbian and bisexual people are as diverse as non-gay
people.  Many would not choose to marry even if they could.  However,
virtually all gay people prefer that they -- and not the state -- should have
the right to decide whether and whom to marry. 

 The subject of same-sex marriage offers many political challenges and
organizing opportunities -- and numerous questions -- for gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender activists.  It's time for that dialogue to begin. 

 Questions that may need to be considered as we move this issue forward:

 * Do we really need or want the right to marry?  

 * Do bisexual activists have a different view of this subject than gay and
lesbian people?

 * Are there differences in the way gay men and lesbians analyze the
institution of marriage?

 * What about concerns that the institution of marriage itself -- gay or
straight -- perpetuates a moral hierarchy with different economic and social
privileges?  -- Those in couples (viewed as "monogamous") receive social and
economic rewards because of their implied moral status.  Meanwhile, single
people (viewed as "promiscuous") do not.
 
  This community discussion and dialogue must also include an awareness of
the organizing and education efforts of grassroots groups, including the
Hawaii Equal Rights Marriage Project and Na Mamo o Hawai'i.  Na Mamo, a new
statewide civil rights group of indigenous gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgender people, is doing work around homophobia, racism and classism and
how they connect to the marriage issue.  

 As we advance the issue of our right to marry, we must not perpetuate the
myth that marriage is the only way that "true" families are organized.  We
need to advance simultaneously both our right to marry and a re-definition of
"family" that is an honest reflection of the diversity of family structures
-- extended families, step-families, single parent households, grandparents
raising grandchildren, divorced parents, adopted children, foster families.
 We must unite with the majority of others who do not fit the model that is
considered "traditional."

 What is your role in the same-sex marriage battle?  

 There are many ways to get involved.  First, help get the word out.  Educate
the public.  Tell your family, friends and coworkers about same-sex marriage
issues.  Sponsor a community forum on this topic.  Write letters to the
editor and get the press to cover the subject.   Also, you can take action.
Consider organizing a marriage license "refuse-in" at your local city clerk
office.  Get an organization you are involved in to sign on to the Lambda
Marriage Resolution -- a document supported by numerous national
organizations, including Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF), Latino/a Lesbian & Gay
Organization, National Center for Lesbian Rights, Gay & Lesbian Parents
Coalition International, and many more.

 To have and to hold.  It's about having the rights and responsibilities of
legal and societal recognition of our loving unions.  It's about holding
close not only our loved ones, but also the democratic principles of fairness
and equality often denied us because of who we are and whom we love.  And
most of all, it's about creating and strengthening diverse families and
forming relationships free of discrimination and prejudice.

--end--

 [NGLTF is preparing an organizing kit and other materials for activists.
 Contact Beth Barrett at NGLTF for more information, (202)332-6483, ext.
3215; [email-masked].  Other contacts:  Lambda Legal Defense and Education
Fund Marriage Project and Marriage Resolution, (212)995-8585; Na Mamo o
Hawai'i, c/o Ku'umeaaloha Gomes, (808)956-2644, 2436 "A" Lanai St., Honolulu,
HI 96817; Hawaii Equal Rights Marriage Project, (808)942-3737, 1820
University Ave., #208, Honolulu, HI 96822]