From: RAKNGLTF@aol.com Date: Thu, 13 Apr 1995 12:50:27 -0400 Subject: Marriage Op-ed 4/12 [The following opinion/editorial is by Robert Bray, field organizer with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Based in Washington, DC, NGLTF is a leading national membership organization that has supported grassroots organizing since1973. Permission is granted to reprint with attribution. If you run commentaries w/photos and would like a photo of Robert Bray, contact NGLTF Media Director Robin Kane, 202-332-6483, ext. 3311; rakngltf@aol.com] TO HAVE AND TO HOLD: SAME-SEX MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK Right around this time of year I get my annual reminders that my loving relationship with my partner John is not worth much in the eyes of society. Perhaps it's my income tax returns, which give me no option except to file single because our union is not "valid." Or maybe it's the mailbox of invitations announcing the June weddings of my straight friends and relatives. Or it could be all those glowing bride and groom advertisements just in time for the upcoming nuptial season. Marriage has been on my mind a lot lately. To be honest, I'm not certain if it's my wedding I'm pondering (we haven't begun those discussions yet). But the subject of same-sex marriage is rapidly rising into the consciousness of many Americans and has already made national headlines and front-page news around the country. And it's clearly in the cross-sights of the Radical Right. Aggressive pre-emptive strikes against same-sex marriage have already been launched in at least three states with more attacks expected. Alaska, Utah and South Dakota have or are now facing pro-active bans on same-sex marriage. They clearly are designed to head off an affirmative ruling expected later this year or early 1996 on a pending gay marriage case in Hawaii. A Congressional threat may be forthcoming, too. Newt Gingrich rarely misses an opportunity to demean gay relationships. In 1992, the Republican Party specifically stated an opposition to same-sex marriages in its Platform. The issue is sure to be raised as we enter a new election cycle. The Radical Right plans to capitalize on society's vigorous opposition to same-sex marriage and use it as a fundraising and political organizing weapon to strengthen its "traditional family values" agenda. Expect more attacks on not only same-sex marriage but also gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender families, including foster parenting, adoption and child custody. It's time for our side to sound the alarm. We are asking for the equal right to marry the one we love and care for, just as non-gay Americans do. Many same-sex couples share the same responsibilities as married couples. However, nowhere in the United States do they receive the same recognition or benefits, not even in communities with domestic partnership laws. Of course, gay, lesbian and bisexual people are as diverse as non-gay people. Many would not choose to marry even if they could. However, virtually all gay people prefer that they -- and not the state -- should have the right to decide whether and whom to marry. The subject of same-sex marriage offers many political challenges and organizing opportunities -- and numerous questions -- for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender activists. It's time for that dialogue to begin. Questions that may need to be considered as we move this issue forward: * Do we really need or want the right to marry? * Do bisexual activists have a different view of this subject than gay and lesbian people? * Are there differences in the way gay men and lesbians analyze the institution of marriage? * What about concerns that the institution of marriage itself -- gay or straight -- perpetuates a moral hierarchy with different economic and social privileges? -- Those in couples (viewed as "monogamous") receive social and economic rewards because of their implied moral status. Meanwhile, single people (viewed as "promiscuous") do not. This community discussion and dialogue must also include an awareness of the organizing and education efforts of grassroots groups, including the Hawaii Equal Rights Marriage Project and Na Mamo o Hawai'i. Na Mamo, a new statewide civil rights group of indigenous gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, is doing work around homophobia, racism and classism and how they connect to the marriage issue. As we advance the issue of our right to marry, we must not perpetuate the myth that marriage is the only way that "true" families are organized. We need to advance simultaneously both our right to marry and a re-definition of "family" that is an honest reflection of the diversity of family structures -- extended families, step-families, single parent households, grandparents raising grandchildren, divorced parents, adopted children, foster families. We must unite with the majority of others who do not fit the model that is considered "traditional." What is your role in the same-sex marriage battle? There are many ways to get involved. First, help get the word out. Educate the public. Tell your family, friends and coworkers about same-sex marriage issues. Sponsor a community forum on this topic. Write letters to the editor and get the press to cover the subject. Also, you can take action. Consider organizing a marriage license "refuse-in" at your local city clerk office. Get an organization you are involved in to sign on to the Lambda Marriage Resolution -- a document supported by numerous national organizations, including Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF), Latino/a Lesbian & Gay Organization, National Center for Lesbian Rights, Gay & Lesbian Parents Coalition International, and many more. To have and to hold. It's about having the rights and responsibilities of legal and societal recognition of our loving unions. It's about holding close not only our loved ones, but also the democratic principles of fairness and equality often denied us because of who we are and whom we love. And most of all, it's about creating and strengthening diverse families and forming relationships free of discrimination and prejudice. --end-- [NGLTF is preparing an organizing kit and other materials for activists. Contact Beth Barrett at NGLTF for more information, (202)332-6483, ext. 3215; babngltf@aol.com. Other contacts: Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund Marriage Project and Marriage Resolution, (212)995-8585; Na Mamo o Hawai'i, c/o Ku'umeaaloha Gomes, (808)956-2644, 2436 "A" Lanai St., Honolulu, HI 96817; Hawaii Equal Rights Marriage Project, (808)942-3737, 1820 University Ave., #208, Honolulu, HI 96822]