[glstn.openly.gay.teachers] Provided by: GLSTN 122 West 26th Street, Suite 1100 New York, NY 10001 USA Tel: (212) 727-0135 Email: glstn@glstn.org Web: http://www.glstn.org/freedom/ UNDERSTANDING THE EXPERIENCE OF OPENLY GAY AND LESBIAN EDUCATORS BY KEVIN JENNINGS, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, GLSTN This article synthesizes themes that emerged from a study based on thirty-six autobiographical essays by openly gay and lesbian teachers from thirteen different American states as well as Australia. It begins by situating the gay teacher within the context of a traditionally homophobic society in which schools have transmitted dominant heterosexist ideology to the younger generation, thus imperiling the careers of gay teachers. It examines the data for the study and its advantages and limitations. The article then examines what contributors reported as to the factors that compelled them to remain closeted, including fears of job loss, adverse reactions from parents and administrators, and negative student responses, and it addresses the impact that being closeted had on contributors professionally and personally. The next section deals with the consequences of their individual decisions to come out at school as gay people, and the impact this had on participant self-esteem, relations with parents, students and colleagues, and classroom performance. A conclusion addresses the historical importance of the increased number of openly gay teachers. The essay is 9,115 words long. "We are probably the most deeply closeted group in the gay community. You all know THE BIG RULE for Being Out. 'It's okay as long as you DON'T FLAUNT IT.' For us there is a different rule: 'It's not okay. You are not fit to teach children. You are fired!' Being so deep in the cloakroom is not healthy for us as individuals, but by far the most damaging effect of the 'NO GAY OR LESBIAN TEACHERS ALLOWED' rule is how it perpetuates stereotyping, bigotry and fear by controlling the perceptions of the young. For the vicious cycle of prejudice and bigotry to be broken, all young people, no matter what their affectional preference--or even if they don't know what that means--need to know adult lesbians and gays who are whole, healthy, happy, courageous, and respected by their communities!" --Pat McCart, Minnesota independent high school principal (p. 55) THE CONTEXT: A BOLTED CLOSET DOOR Gay teachers have traditionally been among the most closeted of all gay people. As Griffin (1992) put it: "Lesbian and gay teachers often lead secretive lives in school because they believe that identifying themselves to colleagues, students, and their parents would result in one of two unacceptable situations: They would either lose their jobs or their credibility in the school community." (p.25) Due to their desire to remain invisible, gay teachers have consequently been the subject of little research. The bulk of the research that has been done (Olson, 1986, 1987; Sciullo, 1984; Smith, 1985; Woods, 1990; Harbeck, 1992) has then been forced to focus on the experience of closeted teachers. Summarizing the findings of this research, Griffin (1992) reports: "Several patterns emerge from these studies. Lesbian and gay teachers: --believe, almost universally, that to be "out" in school would cost them their jobs; --think that it is necessary to strictly separate their personal and professional lives; --live with a daily fear in school they will be discovered; --isolate themselves from other teachers to avoid detection; --resent the injustice of having to maintain a double life, lie to colleagues and students, and endure the anti-gay attitudes and actions they encounter in schools; and --hope that being an excellent and conscientious teacher will protect them if their sexual identity becomes known at school." (p. 27) Teachers who remain closeted do so out of a clear sense of the traditional role professionals in their position have been expected to fill. This role is situated within the context of a society that is "heterosexist," i.e., one that posits the heterosexual model as the only or proper one for all to follow. As Khayatt (1992) put it in: "Heterosexuality is normative. It is hegemonic. It is also institutionally sanctioned, ideologically affirmed, and socially encouraged and expected. It is not surprising that the majority of heterosexual people presume that theirs is a 'natural conception of the world.' Conversely, homosexuals in general realize that their sexuality or lives or politics do not conform with the norm." (p. 205) A primary mission of schools as institutions is to transmit the society's dominant values to the younger generation. As Khayatt (1992) writes: "Schools, as institutions, are part of the much larger social context of culture, politics, and the economy.... Schools also reproduce some of the ideologies that dominate the policies and structures of our cultural, political, and economic life...They transmit it tacitly as well as explicitly through the curriculum." (p. 145) The experience of gay teachers, then, must be considered within the light of the role of schools as institutions that transmit dominant values and the attendant expectation that teachers will uphold those values. In such a context, a gay teacher is inherently problematic. If, as Khayatt (1992) says, "teachers are hired, not only on the basis of their professional competency, but also as models of the ideological values they represent," a gay teacher hoes a very tough row indeed. Intrinsically set outside the boundaries of normativity in a heterosexist society, gay teachers transgress a key boundary with regard to the values they are expected to inculcate in their students, by the very fact of their existence. As Khayatt (1992) writes of the clash between the values female teachers are expected to uphold and those that lesbian teachers inherently represent: "The notion of a lesbian teacher would obviously run counter to any intended sociocultural reproduction in the school system that would perpetuate the concept of women as wives and mothers." (p. 146) Thus, gay teachers, by their very existence, seem to contradict a central function of schooling in society. Furthermore, gay teachers face a special onus. Many in our society question the appropriateness of interaction between gay adults and children, a questioning based on two premises: first, that homosexuality is something to which one is "recruited" as it is a chosen behavior; and, second, that homosexual are especially prone to prey on children. Both premises are false: scientific evidence increasingly disproves the former (Burr, 1993), while statistics consistently show that heterosexuals are over-represented in studies of actual incidents of child molestation--one study found that heterosexuals were responsible for at least 97% of all cases of child molestation and that a child is one hundred times more likely to be molested by the heterosexual partner of a relative than by a gay adult. (Elias, 1994) The persistence of these is misperceptions, which continues despite the facts cited above, puts gay teachers especially as risk, as Wallace (1995) reports: "Coming out as gay or lesbian in any mainstream profession can be challenging but, as they work directly with children, school teachers may face even harsher scrutiny from anti-gay critics. As primary role models for children and young adults, gay teachers are often attacked under the worst (and fallacious) stereotapes: child molester or recruiter. Some of the most 'tolerant' people may 'just not want them teaching my kids'." (p. 42) Faced with such a special burden in a society already hostile to gay people, it is little surprise that the patterns described by Griffin (1992) above have emerged from studies of gay teachers. This is compounded as teachers have few legal protections should they choose to come out. As Bonauto (1994) writes: "While coming out, that is, a simple statement of identity, should be protected speech in the schools and elsewhere, that is not yet the law." (p. 265) Employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation illegal in only nine states. (Bonauto, 1994) Even if protected, As Khayatt (1992) found, many still feel vulnerable: "Teachers I interviewed felt ... that even if boards of education officially condemned discrimination against gay men and lesbians, coming out in the classroom (or even among peers) would complicate their lives as teachers... They stood to jeopardize more than their job. They could forfeit their 'authority' in the classroom, their credibility with their peers, their 'appropriateness' with the parents, and their 'legitimacy' with the administration." Consequently, as Woods and Harbeck (1992) found in their study of lesbian physical education teachers, "Participants most often engaged in identity management strategies designed to conceal their lesbianism." Remaining in the closet seems like the only viable option. Recent reports in the media, however, indicate that time are changing, albeit slowly (Jennings, 1994; Wallace, 1995; Farrow, 1995; Walsh, 1995; Woog, 1995). The context of the larger society is evolving, and teachers are part of that. As Wallace (1995) reports, the greater openness toward gay issues which has taken hold in recent years has allowed some teachers to take steps previously unthought-of: "[T]eachers have been affected by the mainstreaming of gay and lesbian issues. With the organization of National Coming Out Day, the introduction of openly gay and lesbian characters in movies and television, the establishment of gay organizations in nearly every professional field, and the legislative support of pro-gay politicians (Republican Gov. William Weld helped make Massachusetts the first state in the union to ban discrimination against public school students on the basis of their sexual orientation), people are coming out all over--and teachers aren't exempt from that revolution." (p.42) Wallace attributes this in part to an attitude shift that has occurred as a new generation of teachers who began their careers in the aftermath of the gay liberation movement has entered the workforce: "Though many gay and lesbian teachers who grew up before the Stonewall rebellion in 1969 say that most older gay teachers are closeted, younger teachers are often optimistic about the future of the educational atmosphere in America." (p.44) More accustomed to openness than their predecessors, a younger generation is challenging a taboo that has long held sway in their communities. The experience of these teachers has been mixed. One well-documented case is that of Rodney Wilson, a Mehlville, Missouri high school history teacher who came out during a lesson on the Holocaust. Initially reprimanded by his system, Wilson was targeted by school board candidates who ran on an explicit platform of expelling gay issues from the schools. With the support of his union, community groups, and several board members, Wilson received tenure in April 1995 when the anti-gay candidates lost in the biannual school board elections (Little, 1995). Not so fortunate was Penny Culliton, a heterosexual New Hampshire English teacher who was suspended after teaching gay-themed books that had been approved by her system's curriculum review process, with a final hearing on whether or not she will be fired pending at the time of this writing (Eklund, 1995). Although it is still early, it is increasingly possible to examine the experiences of teachers who have chosen to address gay issue openly rather than from behind the closet door--teachers who are challenging an historic tradition with deep roots in the norms, values, and customs of contemporary American society. THE DATA The data for this essay consists of thirty-six autobiographical essays submitted for ONE TEACHER IN TEN, an anthology published by Alyson Publications in September, 1994. Various outreach methods were used to make educators aware of the opportunity to submit essays for the anthology: mailings to existing gay teacher organizations; networking through community-based organizations such as gay community centers; announcements at education and teacher conferences; and "snowball sampling," whereby interested individuals were asked to recommend others who could be contacted about the project. The call for submissions emphasized that essays should focus on personal experience working in K-12 schools. Contributors were offered the option of using pseudonyms if they wished. The thirty-six selected contributors were a varied lot whose stories were representative of the overall submission pool. Important characteristics of the group include: a predominance of males (twenty-three men, thirteen women); an over-representation of private school educators (twenty-three public school teachers, thirteen private school teachers); an over-representation of white teachers (thirty-four white teachers, two African-American teachers, no other people of color); and an over-representation of high school teachers (thirty high school teachers, six elementary or middle school teachers). One contributor was from Australia, with the remaining thirty-five coming from the following American states: California (8), Massachusetts (7), New York and Washington (3 each), North Carolina, Minnesota, Nebraska, Ohio, and New Hampshire (2 each), and Iowa, Colorado, Kentucky, and, Missouri (1 each). All but one contributor chose to use his or her real name; four chose to use pseudonyms for their school and/or the town in which they worked. Both the content and nature of this data raise issues which qualify any generalizations based upon it. The demographics of a sample composed primarily of urban white male high school teachers indicates that large populations are under-represented in OTIT. The range of experiences represented in OTIT may not be fully reflective of the experiences of the larger gay teacher community or even of the subset that has chosen to come out. Furthermore, as a self-selected group, OTIT sample presents a methodological problem. Those wiling to publish their stories, one might assume, are willing to do so as a result of having had a generally positive experience, and thus have fewer qualms about going public: those who fear retaliation might self-select out of a similar project. Thus, it is possible that an important subset of the population simply chose not to submit their experiences for publication in OTIT. A final qualification is taken from the nature of the essays. Autobiographical in nature, these essays do not lend themselves to quantifiable analysis, as a formal survey would. Contributors determined their own content, which means that important issues that traditional social scientists may have wished to investigate with hard-and-fast data may have been unaddressed by many contributors. Rather, themes investigated in this article come from a more impressionistic interpretation that draws from recurring motifs in the collection. Despite these qualifications, OTIT is an important document for those seeking to understand the experience of gay and lesbian educators. No similar collection has ever been published. The breadth and depth of this sampling of teachers who, with one exception, have all been willing to write under their own names is extraordinary. Given the prevailing cultural myths that portray gay and lesbian people as predatory child molesters, such "coming out" takes extraordinary courage and involves great risk, particularly for the twenty contributors who work in states without legal protections against discrimination for lesbian and gay people. The value of looking closely at the experiences reported in OTIT cannot be over-estimated, given the paucity of resources and research currently available on the experiences of openly gay teachers. WHY TEACHERS STAY CLOSETED: COMMON FEARS AND EXPERIENCES OF GAY AND LESBIAN EDUCATORS "I have always wanted to teach, to dance, to act in the theater, and to write. But these were things that "faggots" did. And I was not a faggot. So I chose careers that were strong, tough, and highly principled, like accounting, law, a and computer sales ... Since childhood I have longed to teach, but every message I received reinforced the notion that respectable men did not become teachers. If men taught at all, men became professors, and only as a second career. If they taught high school, they became principals. So my real desire to teach grades four, five, and six was dwarfed by these capricious standards and my fear of parents accusing me of sexual abuse or statutory rape because I hugged some young boy." (pp. 73-74) -- Bert Hunter, New York public high school teacher Fear is pervasive among gay teachers. As the above quote shows, this fear can even affect the decision of whether or not to go into teaching itself. Particularly for men (and especially for those working in elementary schools), it is not only the stereotypes about child molestation but also the "sissy" image of the profession that provides a powerful disincentive to enter this, and other traditionally-female, field. (Rofes, 1995) For women (especially in areas such as physical education), similar stereotypes are at work. (Woods and Harbeck, 1992) OTIT contributors refer repeatedly to various fears which paralyze many gay and lesbian teachers into believing that being "closeted" is the only option available to them. The most common fear expressed is one of the most obvious: that of job loss. This is an obvious and real fear for the twenty contributors who work in areas without civil rights protections, but even those teachers protected by anti-discrimination laws feel at risk. Robert Parlin, a Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote about his own coming out that: "I was also filled with fear about confronting homophobia at my school. After all, I might be putting my job on the line if I came out as part of this process. I knew that the Massachusetts gay rights law made it illegal for me to be fired, but with no seniority in my department, job security was a major concern." (p. 220) Such fears are not unwarranted. Gretchen Coburn, a New Hampshire public elementary school teacher, faced real discrimination after her divorce and subsequent "coming out": "My partner, who by this time had quit being a [school] bus driver and had become a full-time member of the school community, was fired by my ex-husband [the school board chair]. Her car was vandalized at school. Hate notes were stuck on her door, foul messages were left on her answering machine, and false rumors were spread by certain hostile staff members. She changed the dead bolts on her house doors. My job as a thirteen-year tenured teacher was threatened. I was blackmailed by my ex-husband during our divorce process. His lawyer told my lawyer that I could probably keep my job if I agreed to certain custody and financial stipulations. Furthermore, my school principal kept nervously warning me about the spreading of hostile sentiments among a few townspeople." (p. 226) Coburn's ability to survive these attacks rested largely on a track record of distinguished classroom performance. For those without such a record, feelings of vulnerability increase. A first-year independent high school teacher in Rhode Island tells a story that illustrates this as well: "The Headmaster took me aside after our first faculty meeting, a look of concern on his face. He said "I'd like to talk with you about that piece of metal in your left ear." I had gotten an earring that summer but, not being sure how I wanted to deal with being gay in the high school setting, I had made sure to have my left ear pierced, remembering the dictum "Left is right and right is wrong," to throw off any suspicions that this was a statement about my sexual orientation. It soon became clear that I had failed to throw this particular blood hound off my scent. "If you're going to wear that tomorrow on the first day of classes," he continued, "don't bother coming in." Stunned and cowed, I took it out that night at home." (p. 22) Faced with a direct and real threat to job security, many gay teachers simply do not feel able to "come out" at work. This incident reflects a great sense of trepidation about possible administrative reaction that many OTIT contributors shared. Given the enormous power of administrators over teachers' careers (especially in the independent school world, where union safeguards do not exist), teachers are wary of alienating heads of schools. Many fear having their work held under heightened scrutiny as a result of coming out. Tony Prince, a Kentucky public high school teacher, experienced just such intense examination within weeks of his "coming out": "I was informed by my principal that she was implementing 'the significant deficiency process' with me. This is a very serious and threatening evaluative procedure which can result in dismissal. She mentioned to me...that one of her reasons for instigating this process was that she had observed me showing "cartoons" to my class. The "cartoons" she mentioned were a video of Animal Farm, which I was showing as a review of the book, which we had just finished reading. In the official deficiency notice presented to me on May 24, I was no longer criticized for showing 'cartoons' but because 'the audio was high' (?!?) and, according to her, six students had their 'heads down.' The principal, at a later meeting arranged by my union with the assistant superintendent of schools, elevated this figure to 'over half of the class.'...As part of the 'significant deficiency' procedure, I was to be assigned two people from the school system to 'visit' and 'assist' me." (p. 143) Prince's observers first visited his class on the last day of the school year in June. Despite such obvious attempts at intimidation, Prince was rehired, as his observers could not find any "deficiency" in his teaching despite over two dozen class observations in a three-month period. Many teachers fear that they would lack Prince's fortitude in combatting such harassment, should they themselves come out. The reactions of colleagues are also problematic for gay and lesbian teachers. OTIT educators feared damaging professional relationships with colleagues if they come out, and indeed some have experienced this to be true. New Hampshire public elementary school teacher Gretchen Coburn writes that, after her coming out: "I stopped going into the teachers' room for about two years. Why did I decide to do this? Anytime I walked into the room the conversation ceased. My allies let me know that I was the brunt of disdainful remarks. Most of the staff chose to be cool and distant when I passed them in the halls...there is nothing like being stared at in silence..." (p. 226) Harassment can often extend beyond silence and "dirty looks." Gary Campbell, a California public elementary school teacher, reported the following incident: "I was talking to another teacher when I overheard her say, "Did you hear about the miracle of AIDS? It turns fruits into vegetables." I was stunned, but before I could even think how to react, the bell rang and everyone left for their class...I resolved that I would talk to her after school... As I signed out, I told her that I was shocked at the joke... and that I didn't understand how she could joke about people dying of such a horrible death. She smirked an "I told you he was" look at another colleague and proceeded to defend herself by saying she was just repeating a joke her husband had heard at work. The smirk on her face enraged me even more than this ridiculous defense. I don't remember all that was said, but it was a loud and angry exchange. As I stormed out into the main room of the office, I noticed there were numerous other teachers who had heard our conversation. They, along with the three office clerks, just stood there with their mouths open and their eyes bulging. They all appeared stunned and did not utter a word." (p. 134) Campbell's experience symbolizes the worst fears of gay teachers in terms of their relationships with colleagues: not only will these relationships be damaged by "coming out," few colleagues will speak up in their defense when harassment occurs. Teaching, an already-isolating profession, can become unbearable under such conditions. Equally powerful was fear of community and parental reactions. Aware that parents pay teachers' salaries (either in the form of public taxes or independent school tuition), educators feel extraordinarily vulnerable in taking stands which they perceive as running counter to parental desires. Few such stands are as loaded as is coming out as a gay person. Karen Keough, a Massachusetts independent high school teacher, describes an incident which every gay teacher fears: "During the 1992-93 school year shortly after I came out, I heard that an 'anonymous' parent had been in to complain that I should be removed from my coaching position because I am a lesbian. This was after I had been coaching at Milton Academy for five years and not ever hearing a complaint about my coaching. When it was explained to this parent that my orientation had nothing to do with my coaching ability, the targeting went more underground. All of a sudden my performance was being questioned, even though my teams have been successful and no one has ever quit a team I have coached. In fact, to this day, I am the only coach who has taken both a soccer and a basketball team to the New England championship tournaments." (p. 174) As was the case with Gretchen Coburn, Karen Keough retained her position because of her outstanding performance record and the support of her administration. David Bruton, a North Carolina public high school teacher, found that some members of his community were more extreme in their reactions to his coming out: "My classroom windows were shot out and broken with stones and pop bottles several times, and on one occasion, a dead 'possum was thrown through the broken window. Bruton's a faggot. Fire Bruton! was spray-painted on buildings, parking lots, sidewalks, and ten school buses that made their rounds with the graffiti intact. Several small buildings and a truck were set afire and burned." (p. 180) Particularly for those gay teachers working in geographic regions where anti-gay bigotry is expressed more openly, the fear of such potential reactions is paralyzing and terrifying. Another powerful fear reported by OTIT contributors was that of negative student reaction to the public identification of a teacher as gay. Massachusetts public high school teacher Robert Parlin wrote of this: "I imagined students running by my room yelling "faggot" through the open doorway. I expected to return to one day to my car in the faculty parking lot to find my tires slashed. Even worse, I feared losing my effectiveness as a teacher, with my relations with students becoming awkward and difficult as they avoided looking at me or responding to my questions with sincerity." (pp. 220-221) Such fears are once again not without cause. Jacqui Griffin, an Australian public high school teacher, reported the following experiences after her coming out: "Over the next three weeks I recorded twenty-two incidents where the lesbian issue was raised, ranging from kids wanting to verify that I was indeed a lesbian, to insults like "I like lemon juice" ["lemon" being an Australian epithet for lesbians] being whispered as I past, to mere hissing of the word "lesbo." For the remaining nine months that I taught there, there was an average of two incidents a day that happened, though I was blessed with a total of three "lesbian-free" days." (p. 160) Obviously, teachers choose to enter the profession out of a desire to work with young people. The endemic fear that coming out will harm that professional relationship is a major factor in convincing many teachers to remain closeted. While remaining closeted can be appealing in a society where anti-gay discrimination is pervasive, it is not without its costs. Gay teachers report feelings of extreme isolation resulting from being closeted, which in turn undermines their sense of self-esteem and belonging within the school community. The ever-present fear of being "found out" causes teachers to constantly feel "on guard" and under pressure, lest their identities be uncovered. Teri Gruenwald, a California public high school teacher who felt compelled to mask her identity at work due to these fears, wrote that: "I am consciously collaborating in my own misnaming. It leaves me feeling bereft, alone and weak. My identity as a strong prideful lesbian cowers behind my fear of being found out." (p. 155) This sense of isolation is echoed in Australian public high school teacher Jacqui Griffin's account, wherein she describes the impact of being closeted on her first work experience: "Being closeted turned out to be far worse than getting harassed had been. I desperately avoided any conversation not based on school issues, and succeeded so well that a song in the faculty's year-end "review" mentioned me as the teacher about whom the least was known. My isolation and loneliness was extreme and, after two years, I was tired of spending all of my energy in avoidance and hiding." (p. 157) As these quotes make clear, being closeted inevitably brings with it a profound sense of isolation and alienation. Many OTIT contributors found that this stress caused them to leave their jobs, even if their sexual identities are never discovered. Kirk Bell, a Washington independent middle school teacher, wrote of his experience of being a closeted teacher in a small town: "I was frustrated that my life was again split in two--a closeted life in Orting, and visits to gay life in Seattle. My intuition consistently indicated that it was appropriate to keep the closet door closed most of the time. My colleagues at the school were nice people but there were only three with whom I could be at all open and honest about myself...The teaching staff relished social events-- wedding and baby showers and staff and family picnics. It was socially expected that I participate in the rituals and in the purchase of gifts for such occasions. I never felt comfortable bringing any of my gay friends from the city to such events, even though many others brought spouses and other friends. I continued to work in that town for five years for professional reasons...My sense of strong, personal self-esteem, however, was held in limbo...I was devastated and angry...The following year I took a job back in the city."(pp. 114-15) Bell's experience mirrors my own of working in Rhode Island independent high school: "I desperately wanted to be able to say that I was gay ... But I couldn't. By the end of that year, I could no longer tolerate the tension this created, so I left the Moses Brown School in Providence, Rhode Island." (p. 24) Thus, while being closeted seems to offer a short-term solution to the problems raised by anti-gay discrimination, its presented problems for contributors who used it as a long-term coping strategy. The toll it takes in anxiety, diminution of teacher self-esteem, and isolation makes it difficult for many teachers to manage it for an extended period of time. Despite validity of the fears expressed about the possible consequences of coming out, contributors reported that being closeted presented real problems as well. NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS: THE EFFECTS OF COMING OUT ON GAY AND LESBIAN TEACHERS' LIVES AT SCHOOL "Mr. Wilson, I am sitting here thinking about what you said in your class today. Mr. Wilson, I have always had respect for you. But after today's class, I have seen a different side of you. I see the courage, bravery, and valiance that you deserve. Today's class made me understand some things I've never had to think about. Mr. Wilson, you are a great role model for anyone, Black, White, Gay, or Straight. Your extreme talents to teach should not be based on your sexual preference. I just wanted to drop you a line in case you are feeling alone. Don't ever feel alone. You will always have a friend." (p. 204) --letter from a student to Rodney Wilson, Missouri public high school teacher, on the day he came out to his classes As seen earlier, gay teachers have tremendous fears, many of them well-justified, about possible negative reactions once their sexual identities become known. However, many find the stress of living a divided life intolerable, and choose to come out and weather the consequences. Many are also motivated to come out because of a sense of obligation to their students who are themselves gay. Jim Bridgman, a Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote that: "There was another reason I wanted to come out at school. I was a gay student at Northampton High School twenty years ago, and I remembered how scared I felt, how isolated and lonely, and how much I hated myself for what I was. I didn't want those who followed me to go through their teen years as I did, frightened and confused, with no one to turn to for support. I wanted the Northampton High School I taught at to be a different, better school that the one I had attended as a student." (p. 124) This desire to see conditions improve for gay students is mentioned repeatedly as a motivating factor for teachers to come out. Driven by these hopes for greater personal happiness and an improved climate for gay students, an increasing number of teachers have decided to risk the discrimination and stereotyping that is pervasive in both our schools and society at large. The surprising result of these decisions is that, even for those teachers who have experienced significant negative backlash, the OTIT contributors reported that their lives improved, both personally and professionally, as a result of coming out. While harassment sometimes occurred, the sense of self which contributors gained by facing this forthrightly, rather than hiding in the closet, positively affected their self-image. Jacqui Griffin, the Australian public high school teacher who faced an average two incidents of verbal harassment daily for a nine-month period, wrote that: "While I have found being "out" in the last three years difficult at times, I have noticed my confidence in dealing with harassment has improved enormously. I am much more comfortable talking about lesbian and gay issues with students in a matter-of-fact way." (p. 163) "Ruth Irwin," a Midwestern public high school teacher, reports similar feelings of empowerment after confronting student harassment: "The harassment had stopped, and more importantly, I had stood up to it in a way that preserved my integrity. The class also understood that not only was I going to enforce my expectations regarding bigoted behavior but that I had the vice-principal on my side as well." (p. 103) Some contributors spoke of the important modeling effect for their students of their decision to stand and fight harassment. Arthur Lipkin, a Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote about an incident which led to his refusal to attend school until a colleague's harassment had been addressed by the school's administration: "I regretted only the disruption I caused my students... But I knew I had to take a strong stand. I welcomed public attention, especially in the gay press. Even without a gay rights law, gay and lesbian teachers didn't have to accept abuse. My students learned something from that, too." (p. 47) OTIT contributors who faced harassment as a result of coming out reported consistently feeling better when able to directly confront it (a difficult thing to do if closeted), whereas they reported feelings of discouragement and helplessness after choosing the closet as a way of avoiding such treatment. As Massachusetts public high school teacher Arthur Lipkin wrote, though, "being an openly gay teacher was not all conflict and crisis." Many contributors reported a positive reception to their coming out that surprised them. Some reported no negative reactions at all, and others spoke of unanticipated statements of support. Jan Smith, an Ohio public elementary school teacher, wrote about the aftermath of her coming out in a local newspaper story: "I also got many letters of support. A retired teacher wrote, 'I want to applaud you...It's not only a testimonial to your courage but to the quality of your teaching. We look forward to a time when 'coming out' is as old-fashioned as corsets ...' I got a note from a nun who teaches at another school: 'I was glad you were willing to be open and up front about your experience. I'm sure this will mean a lot to a lot of people.' Another friend sent a letter: 'Thank you for coming out. It has to start somewhere. People must see that gays and lesbians are not 'them'--they aren't strangers or ogres-- they are people--just people everywhere in our lives. This is the only way to start the process of the stereotypes being questioned. Thank you, thank you.' A neighbor and former teacher wrote, 'I have young adult children aged twenty-seven and twenty-four, and I wish they had been able to have gay and lesbian teachers who were comfortable with their sexuality and able to be a presence to others who might be fearful or questioning.' People I didn't even know sent the following note: 'My husband and I read the article in the Sunday Enquirer in which you were featured. I'm sure there are many reasons why this was a difficult and frightening interview to give. We want you to know that we are Sands parents who appreciate your honesty and courage.' In fact, most of the mail I received was positive." (p. 216) Such spontaneous displays of support came from not only outside the school community but also often from within it. David Bruton, a North Carolina public high school teacher who faced vandalism and violence after his coming out, wrote of his school community's response to this targeting: "The faculty was shocked and outraged, but stumped about what to do... one of my colleagues, a well-respected, dignified, and very proper English teacher suggested that the faculty have an old-fashioned, Sixties style protest demonstration...her idea was enthusiastically accepted, the date set, and the entire day planned to have discussions in every class about the vandalism and its attendant intolerance. The reaction of 1800 students watching their teachers walk out of class, form a large circle in the courtyard, hold hands, and stand in symbolic protest against intolerance was as unexpected as it was astounding. Students poured out of the buildings and joined the circle, its diameter expanding as more students joined hands with the faculty, and we soon had such a large circle that the buildings defining the courtyard prevented it getting any larger. Students formed another circle within the one they had just swelled to capacity, and in a short time most of the faculty and a large number of students stood together in support of tolerance and understanding. Throughout the remainder of the day, students, many of whom I didn't know, came to me expressing sympathy for me and disgust for people who would harass another because of, as several students said, 'being who you are.'... several very impressive athletes...seemed [afterwards] to be hanging around by turns wherever I was, and one, in a burst of passion, vowed to 'take care' of anybody making my life difficult if I'd just give the word. Students, parents, and total strangers wrote and telephoned with messages of support and encouragement...I was totally unprepared for this outpouring of human compassion, generosity, and love." (pp. 180-81) Many contributors reported similar, if less dramatic, gestures of support. Some found that they had projected homophobia onto colleagues and students, who instead treated in supportive ways. Reggie Sellars, a Massachusetts independent high school teacher and coach, reported the following incident with the football team he coaches: "I was still afraid of all the stereotypes the sport carried toward homosexuals. I wasn't sure how to deal with being an openly gay coach...I decided I would first tell the captains that I was gay. When I approached them to tell them, they said they already knew from students who'd known me when I had taught at the school the summer before...They said that initially they didn't know what to expect but, as the season went on, they had come to understand that I was a football coach who just happened to be gay and had learned to respect that. I then always wore a pink triangle, either on my whistle or on my cap, at practice. One day, the largest player on the team, who epitomized everything you could be afraid of, approached me, and asked what it stood for. I held my breath and said that it was a pin that stood for gay rights and that I wore it because, not only did I think that everyone should be treated equally, but also because I was gay. He said 'Oh, I thought so. I have a couple of pink triangles myself. My mother's a lesbian.'" (pp. 251-252) Such affirmations were the rule, not the exception, in the experience of OTIT contributors. Parents, in particular, are a constituency whose reactions to coming out are deeply feared by gay teachers. Surprisingly, contributors reported that their fears proved largely groundless, with parents, both gay and straight, often providing important sources of support. Robert Parlin, a Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote that: "Even the parents of my students did not live up to my fears. When I arrived to school the day after I came out to my classes to find seven calls from parents waiting for me, I automatically anticipated trouble. But the parents were not calling to complain. They were calling to thank me. One told me that my announcement had sparked one of the best dinner-table conversations her family had ever had. Another told me that he felt that my coming out talk had been the single biggest learning experience in his son's life. Each parent wanted me to know that the appreciated how much courage it took to come out, and that they fully supported me. Since that day I have certainly heard murmurings of discontent from some people in the city, but I have continued to receive expressions of support from students, parents, former students, and alums who are grateful that finally the school is beginning to fight the homophobia that made their adolescent years so miserable." (p. 223) Gay parents were also been vocal in their support of contributors. Numerous teachers reported building new links to this population, which had been previously hesitant to participate in school life because of the homophobia they saw as implicit in the school's silence on gay and lesbian issues. Patty Smith, a Massachusetts independent middle school teacher, reported this reaction to her coming out: "A mother of one of my seventh graders waves from across the field. 'I've been wanting to talk with you,' she says. 'My daughter jumped in the car the other day. ' Guess what? 'she said, excited. 'I think Ms. Smith is a lesbian!' I'm a lesbian, too, and my daughter was so relieved that someone else she knew and liked besides me and my friends is a lesbian. She knows the other kids like you, so maybe they won't be horrified if they find out about me. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that this is one family that is happy you are here.'" (p. 199) Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher, spoke of a similar incident: "One day, after class, a student asked if he could speak with me for a second and then surprised me with some news. "I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you being out and all. I'm not gay, but my mother's a lesbian, and only one of my friends knows, 'cause they'd give me shit for it." We talked for a while but, when he left, I just stood there, amazed that I hadn't even considered the likelihood that some of our straight students would have homosexual parents. The next day, I asked a long-time staff member if she knew of any gay or lesbian parents in the school and watched as she silently counted off four students which she already knew had gay parents. I later found out there were more. Denying the reality of homosexuality, I realized, clearly hurts more than the ten percent or so of the student body who are lesbian or gay; it also causes children, cousins, nieces and grandchildren to suffer for their gay relatives." (p. 242) Contributors reported that both teachers and parents benefitted from this relationship: teachers, from realizing a new source of support and affirmation they had previously not recognized; and parents, who felt that they and their families were being affirmed by the school in a new and important way. Other contributors reported that constituencies whom they had previously seen as problems, such as adminisitrators , turned out to be supportive. Patty Smith, a Massachusetts independent middle school teacher, reports her relationship with her Head of School becoming significantly stronger as a result of her coming out: "My Head of School says: I want my own children to grow up without the fears I have. The kids at Pike would profit from the realization that the teacher who inspired them to enjoy French, who was funny, and caring, and fair, was also gay. They should know that... [L]ater, the Headmaster says to me: 'At the Board meeting last night, one of the trustees asked me if I would hire a gay teacher. ' 'What did you say?' I ask. 'I told him all things being equal, sure. Then I said: you mean would I ever hire another gay teacher?'" (p. 198) Gretchen Coburn, a New Hampshire public elementary school teacher, explained the end result of a period which had begun with her ostracization by colleagues and friends in the small town where she lived and worked: "I have become a more able, influential part of my school based on what I have become rather than who I was. My peers have told me I am now a person of courage, not afraid to face adversity. Of those friends and faculty worried and hurt with my silence and distance, all but a very few are closer to me. By sharing in my daily life and in my life with my partner and our family, they have had to grow within themselves. They have been forced to make a choice. They have either had to choose openness and understanding or accept their responsibility for the loss of a solid friendship, knowing full well that their ignorance and arrogance would be the cause." (p. 227) The most significant relationship teachers have is with students, and it is here that the most dramatic expressions of support and better working relationships were reported. A most gratifying reward for many was being able to be a support for gay and lesbian students. Leslie Bartek, a California public high school teacher, wrote that: "In recent years, several high school students have come out to me. I have gained tremendous personal satisfaction from knowing that they trust me enough to confide in me... They know I will listen and offer them encouragement, as I would for all students. But the key factor, I believe, is that they sense that I, like them, am not straight. In years past I would have been fearful of this recognition, but today that fear is gone...Last year, for example, I was able to provide a supportive ear for a self-identified lesbian who eventually became the first student to attend our senior prom with a date of the same sex. I listened to her plan, offered a little advice, and later received thanks from both the student and her mother for "being there." Happily, she reported that the dance chaperons and almost all of the students were as gracious and welcoming to the female pair as they were to the other couples at the event." (p. 170) John Heineman, a Nebraska public high school teacher, spoke of the reaction of students to his coming out and founding "G.L.O.B.E.," a support group for students dealing with sexual identity concerns: "What was clear from their reactions was the lifting of limitations to their personal possibilities. They could see their hopes and dreams lived out in other gays and lesbians, something often missing from their lives in Nebraska." (p. 211) The ability to make conditions better for gay students was consistently reported as one of the most positive side-effects of coming out for contributors. Relationships with the general student population seemed to improve as well for contributors after coming out. Many saw it as a key factor in making them more effective classroom teachers. Robert Parlin, a Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote that: "The reverse of my fears occurred. I actually became closer to my classes as a result. From that day onward, the level of thoughtful participation in class discussions was noticeably deeper. Students began to take risks and share personal concerns that had a remarkable impact on their classmates and their own lives." (p. 223) Similarly, Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher, reported that his accessibility to students was heightened as a result of coming out: "I'm convinced that I'm a better teacher precisely because I'm gay. Growing up with a profound sense of being different...helped refine in me the skills I used on a daily basis to communicate with students...I was particularly tuned in to the need[s] [of]...young people..." (p. 243) The richness of human connection built through this sharing, as well as the sensitivity to student needs that grew out of their own experience of oppression, were cited as key factors by OTIT contributors in helping them feel more connected and effective in their classrooms than in the days when they were closeted. Other contributors reported that their ability to teach discipline-specific content was also improved by coming out. In a variety of subject areas, the openness of teachers made them more capable of conveying important messages in class. Raymond Saint Pierre, a New York public high school teacher, spoke of how addressing gay and lesbian issues allowed him to teach English as a Second Language better: "Another student's comment about Roseanne Barr's kissing Mariel Hemingway as a lesbian on her TV show led my class into a discussion of values. Was it better to see two women kissing, or watch countless murders on some movie or TV show? The import of that student's judgment and the class's reactions have since led us into topics such as sexual harassment (both male and female), homophobia, racism, and others. As a language teacher, these of course become compositions, journal entries, debates, and stories -- all impeccable means by which to learn English. By writing about something which matters to them, my students acquire the skills that I am charged with imparting to them, and learn other important lessons on the way." (p. 165-66) Eric Temple, a California independent high school teacher, found his English classes similarly improved by the introduction of material which spoke to him as a gay man: "Teaching The Normal Heart was a turning point in my career and in my personal journey to understand...I came out to this group of students, and this year, as seniors, I am teaching them Tony Kushner's ANGELS IN AMERICA. They enjoyed MILLENIUM APPROACHES (PART ONE) so much they demanded I order and teach PEROSTROIKA (PART TWO). I am continuously amazed at their level of understanding. They have certainly gone beyond my ability as a junior at Woodlands High School to actually see and hear the "Other." For some, they are no longer just accepting the other but instead are nurturing differences. They have embarked on their own journey to understand themselves, through understanding others." (p. 236) Finally, Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher, reflected on how being out improved his ability to teach about the controversy over biological research seeking to discover the "cause" of sexual orientation: "I can only imagine what dealing with the subject would have been like if I'd been closeted. Fear of saying the wrong thing and giving myself away might have led me to avoid the topic entirely, and a rich, teachable moment would have slipped through my fingers. In this case, it was clear that being out made me a much more effective teacher than I could ever have been while in the closet." (p. 241) The ability of these educators to teach their disciplines more effectively was another somewhat unexpected result of the coming out process. OTIT contributors reported multiple benefits from coming out. For them, an increased sense of self-esteem, a new-found sense of connection with parents, colleagues, and students, and greater feelings of classroom efficacy combined to outweigh negative effects that were sometimes manifested as harassment and discrimination. Contributors found that, whatever the difficulties encountered, the rewards exceeded the costs of coming out. Both as professionals and individuals, OTIT contributors reported that, in general, their lives improved by leaving the closet behind. CONCLUSION "It's certainly not been easy for me but, if you step out into the sunlight where there's love and hope, you will discover, as I have, that there are kind and loving people of all ages and orientations ready to support you when you need them. It's within our reach and the emperors we fear, in reality, have no clothes." (p. 146) --Tony Prince, Kentucky public high school teacher For gay teachers, the incentives to be closeted remain strong. Fears of job loss, adverse community reaction, and harassment cause many to choose to hide their identities even though being "closeted" takes a tremendous toll on teacher self-esteem and sense of belonging. Many feel as if they face a "choiceless choice" between being open about their sexual identities and having to leave a profession they love. The stress involved in this untenable position drives some to leave teaching altogether, or to make accommodations that inevitably erode their feelings of efficacy. The experiences of OTIT contributors, however, indicate that a new pathway may be opening up for gay teachers. As more and more teachers successfully come out in their workplaces, a greater range of possibilities for dealing with gay identity honestly in the school setting is being created. OTIT contributors reported discovering previously-unrealized sources of support and, in some cases, are finding that anticipated negative responses failed to materialize. Further, they found new, rich connections developing with students, both gay and straight, as well as with parents and other members of the school community. Finally, some found their teaching enriched by being able to share their own identities with students and thereby address curricular concerns which they would previously have avoided for fear of potential "outing." It is important to note, however, that coming out remains a step freighted with risk in a still-homophobic society. For example, the paucity of contributors to OTIT from regions such as the South (where only two of the thirty-six authors teach) indicates that what might be possible in some communities remains not viable in others. Anti-gay discrimination and harassment are still commonplace in American society: gay people are "probably the most frequent victims of hate crimes," and ninety-seven percent of high school students in one study report that homophobic language is common in their school. (U.S. Department of Justice, 1987; Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, 1993) One cannot assume that, because the experiences of OTIT contributors were generally positive, that such a reception will automatically be accorded to all teachers who choose to come out. However, a common themes runs through the experiences of OTIT contributors: coming out made them feel better about themselves, their work, and their place in the community. In an era when teaching is in crisis, the loss and/or diminution of effectiveness in professionals because of pressures to remain "closeted" simply can no longer be justified. As the experiences cited in OTIT make clear, teachers can benefit significantly, both professionally and personally, from leaving behind a place of fear (the closet), and moving into the open as fully integrated individuals. The implications for schools are clear. It will only lessen our profession should we fail to heed the call of OTIT contributors to make schools safe places for all faculty members (not just heterosexual ones) to "come out" about their sexual identities, and thus feel as if they truly belong at school. BIBLIOGRAPHY Bonauto, Mary (1994). "AN OVERVIEW OF THE LEGAL RIGHTS OF LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL TEACHERS," in Jennings, Kevin, editor ONE TEACHER IN TEN: GAY AND LESBIAN EDUCATORS TELL THEIR STORIES. Boston: Alyson Publications. Burr, Chandler (1993). "HOMOSEXUALITY AND BIOLOGY," Atlantic Monthly, March 1993, pp. 80-98. Eklund, Jane (1995). "BOOKS BANNED AT MASCENIC," Monadnock Ledger, May 11, p. 1. Elias, Marilyn (1994). "CHILD MOLESTERS RARELY HOMOSEXUAL," USA Today, July 12, p. 1. Farrow, Connie (1995). "MORE GAY TEACHERS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET," Los Angeles Times, January 29, p. A-12. Griffin, Pat (1992). "LESBIAN AND GAY EDUCATORS: OPENING UP THE CLASSROOM CLOSET," Empathy, volume 3 number 1, pp. 25-27. Harbeck, Karen, editor (1992). COMING OUT OF THE CLASSROOM CLOSET: GAY AND LESBIAN STUDENTS, TEACHERS, AND CURRICULUM. New York: Harrington Park Press. Jennings, Kevin, editor (1994). ONE TEACHER IN TEN: GAY AND LESBIAN EDUCATORS TELL THEIR STORIES. Boston: Alyson Publications. Khayatt, Madiha Didi. (1992) LESBIAN TEACHERS: AN INVISIBLE PRESENCE. Albany: State University Press of New York. Little, Joan (1995). "GAY TEACHER WINS HIS TENURE," ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH, April 19, p. 1. Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth (1993). MAKING SCHOOLS SAFE FOR GAY AND LESBIAN YOUTH. Boston: State House Press, Room 111, p. 50. Olson, M. (1987). "A STUDY OF GAY AND LESBIAN TEACHERS," Journal of Homosexuality 13(4), pp. 73-81. Rofes, Eric. (1995) "MAKING OUR SCHOOLS SAFE FOR SISSIES," Unks, Gerald, editor, The Gay Teen: Educational Practice and Theory for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Adolescents, pp. 79-84. New York: Routledge. Sciullo, A. (1984). TOLLS AT THE CLOSET DOOR: A GAY HISTORY FOR TEACHERS. (Doctora Dissertation, University of Michigan, 1984). Dissertation Abstracts International 45 (2), p. 497. Smith, D. (1985). "AN ETHNOGRAPHIC STUDY OF HOMOSEXUAL TEACHERS' PERSPECTIVES." (Doctoral Dissertation, State University of New York at Albany, 1985). Dissertation Abstracts International, 46, p. 66-A. Unks, Gerald, editor. (1995) THE GAY TEEN: EDUCATIONAL PRACTICE AND THEORY FOR LESBIAN, GAY, AND BISEXUAL ADOLESCENTS. New York: Routledge. U.S. Department of Justice. (1987) THE RESPONSE OF THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEMS TO BIAS CRIME: AN EXPLORATORY REVIEW. Walsh, Shelia (1995). "OUT IN THE CLASSROOM: TEACHERS GRAPPLE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF COMING OUT," Washington Blade, May 5, p. 1. Wallace, Elizabeth (1995). "OUT IN THE CLASSROOM: TACKLING A BASTION OF HOMOPHOBIA," Windy City Times, June 22, 1995, p.42-44. Woods, Sherry E. (1990). THE CONTEXTUAL REALITIES OF BEING A LESBIAN PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHERS. (Doctoral Dissertation, University of Massachusetts at Amherst,1989). Dissertation Abstracts International, 51 (3), p. 788. Woods, Sherry E., and Harbeck, Karen. "LIVING IN TWO WORLDS: THE IDENTITY MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES USED BY LESBIAN PHYSICAL EDUCATORS," COMING OUT OF THE CLASSROOM CLOSET: GAY AND LESBIAN STUDENTS, TEACHERS, AND CURRICULUM, p. 141-166. New York: Harrington Park Press. Woog, Dan (1995). SCHOOL'S OUT: THE IMPACT OF GAY AND LESBIAN ISSUES ON AMERICA'S SCHOOLS. Boston: Alyson Publications. ***** ***** ***** This document is part of THE GLSTN TOOLBOX, an online resource of practical information and tools, for educators, students, parents and community organizers, to help fight homophobia in K-12 schools. Founded in 1990 as a regional volunteer organization in Boston, The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Teachers Network (GLSTN) today has over 20 chapters around the country and is the largest organization of teachers and community members dedicated to ensuring that all students are valued and respected, regardless of sexual orientation. GLSTN's work includes community organizing, providing programming to schools, and developing materials that teachers can use to raise awareness among their colleagues and students. Membership is open to all who are committed to ending homophobia in schools, regardless of sexual orientation or occupation. The GLSTN TOOLBOX is available from the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Teachers Network World Wide Web Site: http://www.glstn.org/freedom/ In the interest of sharing this information with others, you may copy and redistribute this document provided that all notices remain intact. You may not charge or make a profit from the redistribution of this material. 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