[letter.from.a.rabbi] Provided by: GLSTN 122 West 26th Street, Suite 1100 New York, NY 10001 USA Tel: (212) 727-0135 Email: glstn@glstn.org Web: http://www.glstn.org/freedom/ "THE REAL ABOMINATIONS" By Rabbi Seven Z. Leder, Associate Rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, California. Dear Greg, I want you to know that if you were not my brother, I would still love you like a brother. I love your heart, your wisdom, your laughter, the sparkle in your beautiful blue eyes and your courage in the face of a world, a people, and sometimes a family--our family--that stands against you. It has been more than ten years since Mom cornered me in the small kitchen of our suburban Minnesota home and asked me in fear and anger, "Is your brother gay?" "Why don't you ask him?" I answered. But bearing down on me with every bit of muscle and intimidation her 4-foot-11-inch body could muster, she said with restrained rage, "I am asking you!" You and I had prepared for this day. Years before, you shared your secret with me and I protected it and you from our family with all my might. But we knew this day would come. For our sisters it was a suspicion confirmed and little more. But for our mother--fragile, worn out by life--it meant vomiting and migraines. For our father, who lived in a blue-collar world of diesel trucks and fag jokes, it meant months, even years, of silent sorrow behind a mask of normalcy. And for you, my dear brother, it meant a decade of the most courageous battle ever waged by human flesh. The depression, the anxiety attacks, the abuse, the loneliness, the cemeteries--mourning young men lost too soon to a virus too cruel for words--the lost jobs, the awkward family pictures, all of it would have destroyed a weaker soul. But not you. Instead, you became our family's teacher--my teacher. From you I have learned that "coming out" leads at first to shattering disappointment to and from your loved ones. But that disappointment is nothing like the torture of living a lie. You have taught me about a community of men and women who support, love and celebrate each other like none over I have ever witnessed. From you, I have learned to laugh at straight people, including myself. We are too straight--prisoners of our own narrow vision. I know what the Torah says about homosexuality in this week's portion; it's called "abomination punishable by death." But I don't believe a loving God could have written such a thing. It could only have come from well-meaning but ignorant humans who could not see that homosexuality was part of God's diverse plan for humanity. It could only have come from people who knew almost nothing of what we know today. It could only have come from people who did not know my brother Greg; your goodness and your deep Jewish soul. It's a serious thing for a rabbi to say the Torah was wrong. But we say it about slavery, which the Torah allows. We say it about concubinage and polygamy, which the Torah allows. And so I say it too, about being gay. I know that because our tradition and others call homosexuality an abomination, some people never come out. I know that teenage boys and girls suffer and sometimes slash their wrists because they are afraid. I know that fag-bashing is sport in some American towns. These are the real abominations. I know that some people believe their family will never be up to the challenge of accepting then loving a gay child, a brother, or a sister. But I know that because of you, our family has learned slowly, over the years, how to be a family--real family that loves from a place so much deeper and honest than before. So thank you for trusting me enough to know I would love you always; for believing that Mom and Dad would also find their way to a place of love. Thank you, my bother, my teacher, for your heart, your wisdom, your laughter, your deep Jewish soul; for the sparkle in your beautiful blue eyes; for your courage. I love you. This letter was provided courtesy of THE JEWISH JOURNAL. It first appeared in the May 4, 1995 issue. ***** ***** ***** This document is part of THE GLSTN TOOLBOX, an online resource of practical information and tools, for educators, students, parents and community organizers, to help fight homophobia in K-12 schools. Founded in 1990 as a regional volunteer organization in Boston, The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Teachers Network (GLSTN) today has over 20 chapters around the country and is the largest organization of teachers and community members dedicated to ensuring that all students are valued and respected, regardless of sexual orientation. GLSTN's work includes community organizing, providing programming to schools, and developing materials that teachers can use to raise awareness among their colleagues and students. Membership is open to all who are committed to ending homophobia in schools, regardless of sexual orientation or occupation. The GLSTN TOOLBOX is available from the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Teachers Network World Wide Web Site: http://www.glstn.org/freedom/ In the interest of sharing this information with others, you may copy and redistribute this document provided that all notices remain intact. You may not charge or make a profit from the redistribution of this material. If you have writing which you would like to contribute to The GLSTN TOOLBOX, please contact us by phone at (212) 727-0135 or by e-mail at glstn@glstn.org.