Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 19:00:51 -0700 From: TRBL68A@prodigy.com (MR JIM FAGELSON) (by way of Jim Fagelson ) ** THE PARENT'S NETWORK ** Volume 2.2 Apr/May 1996 The PARENT'S NETWORK, a bimonthly service of the GAY AND LESBIAN PARENTS COALITION INTERNATIONAL (GLPCI), highlights information of interest to lesbian mothers, gay fathers, their partners, children, future parents and persons who are supportive of gay and lesbian parenting. The Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International, founded in the United States in 1979, is an international coalition of Gay Fathers, Lesbian Mothers, and Gay and Lesbian Parenting organizations in nine countries, with more than 100 chapters that advocate for the rights of gay men and lesbians to have, raise, nurture and love their biological or adoptive children. Dues range from $25 for an individual member, $10 per chapter member with a minimum of $50, to $100 for a cooperating organization. Our quarterly newsletter NETWORK is available by sending a request via E-mail to "glpcinat@ix.netcom.com" or by writing GLPCI, P.O. Box 50360, Washington, D.C. 20091. If you have received this in error, my apologies. If you know of people who would be interested in receiving the PARENT'S NETWORK, please have them send a subscription request to "glpcinat@ix.netcom.com" This issue of PARENT'S NETWORK is divided into the following categories: News from around the world News from the United States News on Same-Sex Marriage Resources for Lesbian, gay and Bisexual parents Interesting Web sites We appreciate your interest in GLPCI. Jim Fagelson Vice President ---------------------------------------------------------------------- IS THERE A GAY AND LESBIAN PARENTS ORGANIZATION IN YOUR AREA? Lesbian mothers, gay fathers and bisexual parents are everywhere, and we need the support of other parents like ourselves. Our children need to know that they are not alone. If you don't have a parents' organization in your area, contact GLPCI. If you would like to host an organizational meeting in your area, let us know and we will help you get started. E-mail us at glpcinat@ix.netcom.com with your postal address and we will send you information on how to start a chapter. Let us hear from you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD BRAZIL: (Wockner News Service) David Harrad, the British lover of Brazilian gay leader Toni Reis was deported on March 15, 1996, after his visa expired and immigration authorities refused to recognize the couple's "marriage-like relationship," gay activists reported. Mr. Harrad is able to obtain a new visa from outside Brazil and then return. "The Brazilian gay and lesbian movement sent hundreds of letters to the authorities stating that David and Toni tried to legalize their union, but were rejected because they are homosexual, " stated Luiz Mott, a gay activist in Brazil. Foreign opposite-sex spouses of Brazilians are granted automatic residency. CANADA: (Wockner News Service) Ontario Court General Division Justice Gloria Epstein rewrote Ontario's Family Law Act on February 9, 1996, to provide alimony and child-support provisions for same-sex couples. She said the existing act was unconstitutional because it excluded gay couples from its definition of "spouse." In the revised law, support obligations will arise when a gay couple has lived together for at least three years or the relationship has developed "some permanence" and resulted in children, reported Toronto's Globe and Mail. CANADA: (Wockner News Service) Canada's Immigration and Refugee Board said that homosexuals from Algeria, Colombia and Russia seeking asylum in Canada can qualify to have their cases expedited because of the violently anti-gay climate in their homelands. The Immigration and Refugee Board found that in Colombia, gays are targeted by guerrilla groups, death squads, paramilitary groups, drug traffickers and criminal organizations, the board said. Algerian gays face violence from the police, the army, the secret service and several Islamic fundamentalist movements. In Russia, the threat comes from criminal organizations, right-wing groups and the police, the board said. COLOMBIA: (Wockner News Service) Colombia's Supreme Court ruled against marriage rights for gay couples on March 7, 1996. "The family is the only social unit and it is formed when a man and a woman freely decide to get married," the court ruled in a case brought by gays seeking spousal rights in such areas as inheritance, medical care and alimony. DENMARK: (Wockner News Service) In Denmark, the Refugee Review Board granted a 26-year-old Armenian gay man refugee status on March 22, 1996, because Armenia allegedly mistreats homosexuals. It was the first time a citizen of that former Soviet Republic won asylum in Denmark for this reason. The board took more than two years to make its determination. FINLAND: (Wockner News Service) The Minister Groups of four of the five parties in the Cabinet (the Social Democrats, Left Alliance, Greens and Swedish National Party) said in April that they favor passage of a Scandinavian-style gay-registered partnership law that grants all the rights of marriage except access to church weddings, adoption, artificial insemination and in-vitro fertilization. This actions sets the stage for Finland to become the fourth country to legalize gay marriage, following Denmark, Norway and Sweden. The fifth party, the conservative National Coalition, has taken a neutral position on the legislation. NETHERLANDS: (Wockner News Service) London's The Guardian reported March 6 that "The Netherlands is on the verge of becoming the first country in Europe to allow homosexual marriages." Denmark, Norway and Sweden let gays marry under registered partnership laws that grant all the rights of matrimony except access to church weddings, adoption, artificial insemination and in-vitro fertilization. The Dutch move, supported by most members of parliament from the governing coalition parties, would be authentic, unrestricted marriage, according to several European reports. NEW ZEALAND: (Wockner News Service) Three lesbian couples in New Zealand filed suit in March demanding marriage licenses. New Zealand's 1955 Marriage Act does not state that spouses must be of opposite sexes. The lawsuit also charges the government with violation of the national ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation. SWEDEN: (Wockner News Service) Despite news reports over the past 10 years that Iran executes homosexuals, Sweden's Aliens Appeals Board is sending a gay Iranian home, saying they don't believe his story. The man claimed that in November 1994, shortly after his arrival in Sweden, his parents were visited by police who said they would kill him if they ever found him, just as they had killed his lover. Sweden's Federation for Gay and Lesbian Rights (RFSL) has denounced the deportation and is urgently seeking proof that Iran executes persons who have gay sex. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- NEWS FROM THE UNITED STATES ALASKA: The Alaskan legislature has passed two pieces of legislation that discriminate against same-sex couples: House Bill 226, which amends Alaska's Human Rights law, would end medical benefits for unmarried couples, allowing discrimination based on marital status for health benefits only. Senate Bill 308, also approved by the House, would outlaw same-gender marriages in Alaska and would also prevent Alaska from recognizing marriages performed in other states/countries performing same-gender marriages. SB 308 is on the Governor's desk for signature. ARIZONA: In Arizona, an anti-marriage amendment was thwarted when it was replaced with a broadly worded amendment asserting the importance of "strong family values." CALIFORNIA: (Reuters) Los Angeles Superior Court judge Martha Goldin awarded custody of a mildly retarded 8-year-old girl to Kevin Thomas, a single gay man, who has raised her since birth, rather than to the child's biological mother. The judge also limited the mother's visitation rights to a single telephone call a week. An appeals court in February had sent the case back to Goldin after ruling that Thomas, who has changed his name to match the girl's, was neither the girl's biological nor legal father. Thomas' lawyers said the judge ruled it would be detrimental to the girl to award custody to her biological mother and that it was in the child's best interest to stay with Thomas. DELAWARE: In Delaware, a measure was introduced banning both same- gender marriages in the state and recognition of legal, same-gender marriages from other states. GEORGIA: (EGCM) Georgia Governor Zell Miller made his state the fourth in the nation to explicitly prevent gay and lesbian couples from marrying. Miller signed into law a bill similar to ones passed this year in Utah and Idaho prohibiting same-gender marriage. South Dakota put their anti- marriage law on the books during the 1995 legislative year. IOWA: (The Des Moines Register) In 1990, the Des Moines School District included sexual orientation within their nondiscrimination policy in hiring practices. On April 2, 1996, a petition was presented by a parents group that said "Once we allow some group with an agenda to be recognized like that, it could be expanded. " The School Board in their debate indicated that nondiscrimination in hiring is about nothing more than not discriminating; it is not about promoting a point of view. The School Board had also passed a policy saying it would not discriminate against students on the basis of sexual orientation. The Board made it clear that it is crucial that school should be a safe place, for all children and adults. KANSAS: (EGCM) In Kansas, legislation prohibiting same-sex marriages is now making its way to the Governor's desk after it was passed by the state Senate. Currently, same-gender marriage is not legal anywhere in the United States. The Georgia bill, and measures like it, have been introduced throughout the country this year by anti-gay legislators and right wing groups, in anticipation of the possible legalization of same-gender marriage in Hawaii sometime next year. KENTUCKY: Kentucky activists were victorious in having an anti- marriage amendment withdrawn from an unrelated bill. MARYLAND: (The Washington Post) The Montgomery County school board made it clear the end of March that it does not tolerate discrimination against homosexuals. Superintendent Paul L. Vance said that the Board wants to deal with gay issues the way they deal with religious ones: though discrimination is explicitly prohibited, the school system will not "advocate, encourage, promote or endorse" any single group or set of beliefs. Montgomery County's interpretation of its anti-discrimination policy is similar to those elsewhere in the Washington area. School systems in Fairfax County and the District of Columbia have explicitly banned discrimination based on a person's sexuality, but they generally steer clear of activities that would stir controversy. MASSACHUSETTS: (The Amherst Bulletin) The controversy over the proposed showing of a gay-family photo exhibit in Amherst's elementary schools is heading into its fourth month. In an attempt to accommodate both sides, School Superintendent Gus Sayer has proposed only displaying the exhibit in school libraries instead of hallways. This, Sayer says, will allow parents who object to its presence to keep their children away from it. "If parents wish their kids not to see the exhibit, we will make sure they don't go to the exhibit," says Sayer. "I think we can do that. Students go to the libraries as classes with supervision." The exhibit is called "Love Makes a Family" and is composed of photographs by Gigi Kaeser and text based on interviews conducted by Pam Brown and Peggy Gillespie. [NOTE: This exhibit is traveling all over the United States, to schools, colleges, libraries, museums. If people are interested in information about bringing the exhibit to their local community, they can contact FamPhoto@aol.com MINNESOTA: The Minnesota legislature recently passed a "moment of silence" legislation in public schools. The issue was backed by "Minnesota Family Council," local affiliate of Family Research Council. NEW HAMPSHIRE: On April 1, 1996, the Mascenic Regional School Board in New Ipswich, NH approved limited use of three controversial books at the high school level. The books, "Maurice" by E.M. Forster, "The Education of Harriet Hatfield" by May Sarton, and "The Drowning of Stephan Jones" by Bette Greene, which deal with "homosexual themes," will be used in a proposed upper level elective course, "Literature in Society," that will cover a number of controversial topics. The books became an issue last spring, when English teacher Penny Culliton distributed two of them to her classes. The school administration ordered the books removed from classes on the grounds they had not been approved for use, suspended Culliton before the start of the current school year, and then fired her for insubordination in September after a hearing before the board. In a decision announced Monday April 8, an independent arbitrator has determined that Ms. Culliton should not have been fired over a disagreement with the Mascenic administration about her having assigned books with lesbian and gay characters. However, the arbitrator also ruled that she is not entitled to back pay for this academic year, during which she was on "fired" status and therefore neither being paid nor accruing retirement seniority. PENNSYLVANIA: The state legislature proposed HB 2105, "Local Control Restoration Act", which asks greater input by parents into what is taught at all educational levels. While proported to provide greater control to local communities, the bill actually shifts control to individual parents. The Pennsylvania Family Institute has launched a new publication, "Families and Schools." The lead article in Vol.1. No.1. is by Rep. Samuel E. Rohrer (R-128), the lead sponsor of HB 2105. Rohrer writes, "Outcome-based education (OBE), Goals 2000, and just about every other initiative of official departments of education strike at the heart of traditional education. The one common element of all these `new' educational approaches is the embracing of secular humanism, which is the exalting of man's philosophy of life and the trampling of the Christian view of life. . . . This bill is the first in the nation and focuses strictly on the issue of control." RHODE ISLAND: The Senate Judiciary Committee has narrowly approved a bill barring discrimination against homosexuals in public schools, but the measure appears headed back to committee. Committee Chairman Domenic A. DiSandro III, said he likely will seek to have the bill pulled because of a technical problem. The bill, sponsored by Sen. June N. Gibbs, bars discrimination based on "sexual orientation" in all public elementary and secondary schools ad in all public colleges ad universities. It also prohibits exclusion of anyone from a public school because of religion or national origin in addition to race, color, or age. VIRGINIA: (The Richmond Times Dispatch) Sharon Bottoms, who lost custody of 2-year-old Tyler Doustou three years ago, tried unsuccessfully to obtain custody of her son. Judge William G. Boice of Henrico County Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court, who first removed Tyler from his mother's home and gave custody to Kay Bottoms, the grandmother, closed the proceeding to the press and most of the public. The case was appealed to the state's highest court, which in April 1995 affirmed the change of custody. The newest round was based on a "change in circumstances" whereby Sharon Bottoms hopes to prove that her home is now the better place for Tyler. The judge stood by his earlier ruling that a mother's lesbian lifestyle makes her an unfit parent, leaving the woman's 4-year-old son in the custody of his grandmother. --------------------------------------------------------------------- NEWS ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGES POLLING DATA ON MARRIAGE: Human Rights Campaign (HRC), one of our National Freedom to Marry Coalition partners, commissioned a poll of the Republican electorate in New Hampshire (i.e., a fairly right-wing sample) on their view of gay people's marriage rights and attitude toward those attacking us (this was right after the Iowa anti- marriage hate rally, and on the eve of the NH primary). 49% of those polled said the issue "makes no difference" to them. A full one-third (32%) said they would be either "somewhat" or "much" LESS LIKELY to support a candidate who signed a pledge against "gay marriage." Only 18% said they would be "much more" or "somewhat" supportive of such a candidate. The number of voters disapproving of an anti-marriage position increased once voters were given the info about the rally (the full anti-gay context). Asked to choose what statement characterized their impression of the anti-marriage efforts, 62% indicated either "strong disapproval" or that it is "wrong to use gays to score political points. Only 20% said they were "glad" the politicans were raising this (anti- marriage) issue. Some gays and lesbians are troubled by the fact that general polls continue to show that only 1/3 of the public as yet supports our equal marriage rights, while 1/3 remain adamantly hostile and the remaining 1/3 are not yet with us. Three points: (1) even as we have just begun our necessary work of reaching out to non-gay people and leaders (in a way we have never really done before), 1/3 are already with us. (2) The polls before and since the Supreme Court struck down the analogous discrimination on interracial marriage in 1967 showed similar public opposition. (3) We have only just begun the work of reaching out and engaging non-gay Americans on a subject most of them have never had to think about before: lesbian and gay people, and marriage, in the same sentence. While changes in attitudes can take a long time (even today, polls show that 1/5 of Americans still believe interracial marriage should be illegal), we can reach out to fair-minded people and help them move past the scare tactics and stereotypes thrust in their face by our religious-political extremist enemies. CURRENT SITUATION According to Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund and grassroots activists across the country, 14 states currently face legislation intended to ban same-gender marriage. Those states are AL, AK, CA, DE, FL, HI, IL, KS, MI, MO, OK, SC, TN, and WI . Anti-marriage measures in 13 other states have been withdrawn or defeated. They are AZ, KY, CO, IA, MD, ME, MS, NM, RI, VA, WA, WV, and WY. Four states have passed legislation: GA, ID, SD, UT. If you would like to go on record supporting the Freedom to Marry, sign the following resolution endorced by GLPCI and drafted by Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund and send it to the address below: BECAUSE marriage is a basic human right and an individual personal choice, RESOLVED, the State should not interfere with same-gender couples who choose to marry and share fully and equally in the rights, responsibilities and commitment of civil marriage. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund 666 Broadway, 12th Floor New York, NY 10012 212-995-8585 (voice) 212-995-2306 (fax) ewlldef@aol.com DO GAYS AND LESBIANS HAVE "SPECIAL RIGHTS"? We have the special right to be fired from our job and denied housing in 41 states with no legal recourse. We have the special right in most legal jurisdictions to be denied custody of our children, regardless of our parenting skills. We have the special right to be denied visitation of our partner in a hospital's intensive care unit because we are not legally considered family. Even with a will drafted by an attorney, we have the special right to incur large legal bills if our partner's biological family decides to challenge the will in court. We have the special right of facing the possibility that a foreign- born lover, who is on a temporary work permit, could be deported. If we were heterosexual and married, they could easily get a Green Card. We don't want these special rights. We just want the right to lead a happy, healthy, peaceful, legally committed life with the person whom we love. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RESOURCES FOR THE LESBIAN, GAY AND BISEXUAL PARENTS VIDEO: A video is available to teach elementary school children about homophobia and how anti-gay remarks hurt the other children in their school. "Both of My Moms' Names Are Judy" is a 10-minute video produced by the Lesbian and Gay Parents Association of San Francisco and GLPCI as part of an in-service training program for elementary school educators and administrators. It presents a diverse group of children (ages 7-11) who have lesbian and gay parents. In candid interviews, they talk about who is in their family, how it feels to be teased about their parents, how classroom silence about homosexuality affects them, and what they would like to see changed. The video and a complete set of training materials can be ordered from the GLPCI Video, P.O. Box 43206, Montclair, NJ 070431, 201-783- 6204 (voice or fax). The cost of the video and training manual is $25.00 for an individual and $50.00 for an institution. BOOKS: "My Dad Has HIV", Written by Earl Alexander, Sheila Rudin, Pam Sejkora Illustrated by Ronnie Walter Shipman, Ages: 4-8 years, $14.95, 8 x 10, 32 pages, hardcover (ISBN 0-925190-99-3) In the story, Lindsey's father, who is HIV+, helps out during Fun Day at school and is sometimes a substitute teacher for Lindsey's class. At first, Lindsey was afraid of what would happen and what people would think. Would her father die? Would anyone want to be her friend? After her father and her teachers help explain to Lindsey and her classmates exactly what HIV is and how it can make you sick, Lindsey is proud of her father for teaching people about HIV. At the end of the story, she tells about how her father is doing everything he can to stay healthy, and she hopes that doctors and scientists around the world will find a cure for HIV soon. Filled with colorful and hopeful illustrations, My Dad Has HIV is a touching first-person narrative with a simple science lesson that young children can understand. Unlike other children's books on HIV and AIDS, My Dad Has HIV is a positive and helpful tool for teachers and counselors that focuses on people who can and do live with HIV. PUBLICATIONS: "School's Out: The Impact of Gay and Lesbian Issues on America's Schools," by Dan Woog (Boston: Alyson Publications, 1995). "One Teacher in 10: Gay and Lesbian Educators Tell Their Stories," edited by Kevin Jennings (Boston: Alyson Publications, 1994) The American Psychological Association has published a booklet entitled "Lesbian and Gay Parenting: A Resource for Psychologists." It is available free of charge. Call (202) 336-6050 or E-mail publicinterest@apa.org to receive a copy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- INTERESTING WEB SITES GAY AND LESBIAN PARENTS COALITION INTERNATIONAL: The web site offers numerous resources including: statistics on gay and lesbian parents, a bibliography of resources, extensive information on the organization, information on Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE) and links too over a dozen international gay and lesbian web sites around the world. The GLPCI Home Page can be found at the following address: http://www.qrd.org/qrd/www/orgs/glpci/home.htm GLPCI can be contacted at: GLPCI, P.O. Box 50360, Washington, D.C., 20091 Phone: (201) 783-6204 E-mail: glpcinat@ix.netcom.com EUROPRIDE: http://www.iesd.auc.dk/~zennaro/Europride/enindex.html Pride events throughout Europe. HONG KONG: Hong Kong gays and lesbians have a new Internet mailing list. To subscribe, send the message "subscribe hkgaymail [your name]" (without the quotes or brackets) to the Internet address macjordomo@sqzm14.ust.hk. (Note: "macjordomo" is not a typo; it is a Macintosh version of the Internet "majordomo" program.) ITALY: Italian gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people have their first Internet mailing list, QUEER IT. To subscribe send the message "subscribe queer-it" (without quotes) to queer-it@sirius. pisa.it A new mailing list has been formed for partners who have differing sexuality. Many different combinations are possible...a gay, non-monogamous man partners with a bi, monogamous woman....a straight woman partners with a bi man, a lesbian partner with a straight man, etc. The list is envisioned to be a forum for discussion on the joy, the sorrow, and the hope for making these partnerships work. Interested persons send an E-mail to dastony@umich.edu requesting to join the list and a short statement attesting to the fact that you are 18 or older. For more information check out the mailing list's homepage: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~dastony/divsexpart.html A new resource for children coping with grief or life-threatening disease is available at Granny Goose: http://www.grannyg.bc.ca/ckidbook/grief.html It contains the titles, authors and capsule summaries of books helping children understand and come to terms with the death of a loved one, serious illness, or other major life traumas. Diane P. Kerkhoff's column "The Parent Perspective" (formerly printed in "The LCN Express") is Diane's humorous and poignant look at her life as a parent and a lesbian. She writes about her family and everyday events in a way that will make you laugh or cry or just smile knowingly. Diane is the Vice President for Event Planning with GLPCI. http://www.FlamingoPark.com/Perspective/