777 Myths About Bisexuality 99999 D'l-0.300i -0.400i' 7 ______ 7 D'l-0.300i 0.400i' 7999999 D'l-0.300i -0.400i' 79 ______ 79 D'l-0.300i 0.400i' 7 The ways people can experi- ence sexuality form a multi- dimensional continuum. "Heterosexuality" and "Homosexuality" are not is- lands, but regions with fuzzy edges which overlap in "Bisex- uality". Different people would draw their erotic poten- tial as regions of different shapes on such a map. Some report more flexibility or "choice" than others. Over time, some people change, un- covering new areas or shifting in emphasis. There are no sharp lines around these re- gions of experience. People whose life stories seem simi- lar, identify themselves dif- ferently. This raises political ques- tions. Gay and straight sex- uality are not equally valued, and some people tell others what they should feel and how they must "choose". We want people to respect each person's self- understanding, rather than making rules for who is (or should be) "heterosexual", "homosexual" or "bisexual". Therefore, we use the follow- ing definitions: "Bisexuality" is sexual/affectional attraction to members of both sexes. As with all sexuality, we may speak in terms of a person's potential, identity, feelings and sexual expression. "A bisexual" is a person for whom bisexuality is an impor- tant part of their experience or identity. "Bisexual" as an adjective may refer to either. Myths and Misconceptions 9As a group, bisexual men and women are diverse, not fitting a single "type." As such, many of the common images peo- ple have of bisexuality are sweeping generalizations which are often mutually contradic- tory. Others are just bla- tantly false. Here is a categorized list of some myths and a discussion of the reali- ties of bisexuality. 9Bisexuality Does Not Exist Everyone is bisexual. Nobody is bisexual. 9Or Is Not A Valid Sexual Identity Bisexuals are... confused. haven't come out yet. are sitting on the fence. Bisexuals are denying that they are... really heterosexual. really homosexual. 9It is true that for some peo- ple exploring their sexual identity, "bisexual" is tem- porary label. However, many people have a deep, lasting sense of themselves as bisexu- als. Bisexuals are not "mixed up" gays or straights, or sim- ply "half and half". Others who are uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality should not confuse their feelings with ours! 9The Only True Bisexuals Are People Who Are Equally At- tracted To Both Sexes. 9 Bisexuals differ in the rela- tive weight they put on their feelings towards men and wom- en. Also, some say they get the same things from relation- ships with men or with women, while others say the nature of their feelings differs. Bisexuals Cannot Have Good Re- lationships Bisexuals... are "promiscuous". have many sexual partners. will have sex with anyone. can't form stable relationships. 9Bisexual people can feel sig- nificant sexual attraction or affection for members of ei- ther sex. This doesn't mean we must have sex with two people at the same time. 9Various bisexuals practice celibacy, life-time monogamy, serial monogamy, "open" rela- tionships, poly-fidelity and "one-night stands." (As do lesbians, gay men, and heterosexuals.) The relative merits of these kinds of rela- tionships are a distinct ques- tion from bisexuality. Vari- ous values, such as trust and stability, can be embodied in more than one model of rela- tionship. Some of these stereotypes may arise because bisexuals in long-term rela- tionships are "invisible" un- less they make a deliberate point of "coming out" as Bi. Name Calling Bisexuals... have no moral values. are immature. are unreliable. are cop-out politically. Bisexuals Cause AIDS Bisexuals are spreading AIDS... to the heterosexual population. to the lesbian community. 9It is unsafe sexual practices and needle sharing -- behaviors, not "risk groups" -- that spread AIDS. People who are self-aware and educat- ed about AIDS pose no special risk. 9 Crossing The Lines: Bisexuality As A Threat 9Some people in both the heterosexual and the homosexu- al communities see the blur- ring of boundaries as a threat. Conventionally, "We" (heterosexuals) are normal people and "They" (homosexuals etc.) are sexual deviants with no middle ground. Heterosex- ism is a major force for po- larizing society, and heterosexuals often feel safe because they think of homosex- uals as being completely dif- ferent from themselves. These people may be uncomfortable to learn how much some of "Them" have in common with them- selves. 9Gay men or lesbians may have put a lot of effort into es- tablishing their identity or community, or may be distanc- ing themselves from past un- pleasant heterosexual experi- ences. Bisexuality does not fit with separatism. Bisex- uality seems to weaken the political argument that gay men and lesbians "don't have a choice". 9People may see bisexuality as calling their own sexuality into question. Bisexuals Are Strange, Exotic People 9While it is not true that everyone is bisexual, there is no sharp dividing line in sex- ual (or other) behavior between self-identified bisex- uals and the gay/lesbian or straight communities. People with similar sexual histories identify differently. Human sexuality is complex and multi-dimensional. Let us respect each other's choices and not put people into "boxes". All Bisexuals Make Sweeping Generalizations! 9This pamphlet is an attempt to generalize about bisexuality, however "your mileage may vary." Bisexuals are indivi- duals, and each person is dif- ferent. 9Bisexuals face stereotyping and exclusion, both from les- bians and gay men and from straights. 9While "bisexual" may be a tem- porary state or label for some people exploring their sexual- ity, for others, it is a last- ing identity. 9Saying either "Everyone is bisexual" or "Nobody is bisex- ual" denies some people's ex- perience and makes "bisexual" a meaningless distinction. 9Being bisexual doesn't imply one is (or can choose to be) sexually attracted to every- one. Erotic feeling is idiosyncratic, with urges as diverse as desires for "tall brunettes" or for "non-smoking politically-active vegetari- ans". 9Being unconventional does not mean one has no morality, values or standards. 9An integrated bisexual identi- ty can have qualities beyond a simplistic "half and half" mix of gay and straight sensibili- ty. 9We question any ethic that says exclusive heterosexuals or homosexuals "were made that way", but condemns bisexuals for making the "wrong choice". To many bisexuals, this "choice" is like asking "would you like to cut off your left hand or your right hand?" Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are! - or - Who was that Masked Man? 9There are many different kinds of closets, passing and dis- closure. 9Bisexuals share with gay men and lesbians the experiences of living with a heterosexist society and "coming out of the closet". Yet, to avoid stigma in the gay/lesbian communities they may find themselves in a second "closet" where they hide their bisexuality. 9Bisexuals are not all equally visible. A socially experi- enced bisexual may blend into both communities unless they make an effort to be "out". 9Almost nowhere is being bisex- ual the "norm." Thus, it is hard to convey by subtle hints that one is bisexual. Even if one wants "to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth", this is a longer story than average. ______________________________ Last updated 1994/7/23. This pamphlet is based on an arti- cle written by Albert Lunde (Copyright 1990, 1992.) This pamphlet (updated 1994/7/23) is published by the Bisexual Resource Center. You are welcome to reproduce and distribute it with your group's contact information at the bottom of this column. Please send a $10 donation for each flyer that is useful enough to you to reproduce, to support the publication of new literature. For more informa- tion and literature, write or call: 777 Bisexual Resource Center (phone 617-338-9595) (email BRC@panix.com) POB 639, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02140, USA. ______________________________ Local Contact Information: