>From julie@drycas.club.cc.cmu.edu Sun Dec 19 20:42:41 1993

>From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Editorial section, Thursday, Dec. 9.
Written by Amy Adams Squire Strongheart, a regular contributor on gay
and lesbian and bisexual issues. This is her first column dedicated
exclusively to a bisexual theme.
     
 Reprogramming Bisexual Attitudes
     
What makes Americans nutty? Abortion, welfare and guns come to mind.
We get riled by a host of issues, but I'd say ambiguities top the list.
We love to divide the world into right and wrong, black and white. No
grey areas for us. If something doesn't fit into one of our tidy little
categories, we don't know what to do with it.
     
I thought I was pretty broad minded and flexible until I started dating
a bisexual woman. When she told me that she bisexual by orientation and
lesbian by preference, I politely excused myself from the relationship.
As a died-in-the-wool and born-again lesbian, truly average in my
discomfort with ambiguities and obsession with labeling, I simply didn't
know how to react to someone who was both AC and DC.
     
Having just recovered from the trauma of reprogramming my negative tapes
about homosexuality, it never occurred to me that bisexuals have been
equally maligned. Traditionally, lesbians and gays have been forced to
live a closeted existence, but bisexuals have had an even tougher time
of it, even though they can pass for straight. Until recently, no one
wanted them--not gays, not straights. Our all-or nothing mentality left
no room for individuals who are spiritually, emotionally, and sexually
attracted to either sex. There is only one mold, and where do you go if
you're not cast from it?
     
As the lesbian-gay civil and human rights movement has grown (and
grown-up) over the last decade, we've broadened our banner to include
other social outcasts. We continue to educate ourselves, trying to make
peace with those gray areas. We must overcome our own prejudices if we
are to create a society that is safe for everyone. Here are a few of
the enduring myths about bisexuals.
     
(1) Bisexuals are in denial about their homosexuality or are confused
about their sexuality.
     
Like heterosexuality and homosexuality, bisexuality is a legitimate
sexual orientation. A bisexual is not a lesbian or gay. Bisexuals are
no more confused about who they are than anyone else. It's true that
there are plenty of married people out there, pretending to be
heterosexual, who are really gay or bi. Living a farce, however, isn't
the result of being bisexual or homosexual. It's the result of trying
to survive in a culture that is very confused and nervous about
sexuality in general. Confusion comes not from one's sexual
orientation, but from being given shameful messages about sex and
sexuality.
     
2) Bisexuals are promiscuous and have trouble committing to one
person.They are always "looking around" even when they are in a
relationship.
     
Bisexuals are no more wanton or wayward than anyone else. Heterosexuals
can sleep around as well as anybody can. Prostitution is an age-old
institution designed to give straight men the freedom to do that.
Heterosexist forces have constructed the "Homosexual" as a wealthy white
gay man who has sex with more partners than any human being possibly
could. Their construct of the bisexual is less important to their
political agenda but is equally erroneous. Bisexuals are supposed to
sleep with anteing and everything because the "swing both ways." If a
person has lots of anonymous encounters or has difficulty with
commitment, it is not because of her or his sexual orientation. It's
probably because that person harbors trust and self-esteem issues that
have not been resolved. Bisexuals can and do live in committed
relationships just as heterosexuals and homosexuals do.
     
3. Bisexuals transmit aids and other sexually transmitted diseases.
     
 nce again, like homosexuals, bisexuals have been portrayed as
disease-ridden animals. Bisexuals are no more likely to spread disease
than anyone else. Regardless of your sexual orientation, if you have
unprotected sex with anyone, male or female, who can get or give a
sexually transmitted disease. While the rate of AIDS transmission are
dropping in the gay male community, they are rising sharply in the
straight community. The increased rate of transmission is not due to
the condition of heterosexuality, but to failure on the part of
heterosexuals to practice safe sex. It isn't who you are, it's what you
do
     
     
I eventually married the woman to whom I had so much difficulty
relating. Our common life has helped me realize that we put people in
boxes so that we'll know how to treat them. But people are people. It
doesn't matter whether my life-partner is lesbian or bisexual. She
still deserves to be treated with dignity because she's a human being.
That's the only category we really need to cope with.