From: "Shelly Roberts" Date: Wed, 16 Jun 1999 13:28:38 +0000 Subject: ROBERTS' RULES:DP ROBERTS' RULES by Shelly Roberts TILL GOVERNMENT DO US PART Here's how hard it is to get a gay divorce in Broward County, Florida: I swear or affirm under penalty of perjury that: 1. The Domestic Partnership between (blank) (under the line it says: Former Domestic Partner) comma (blank) (under the line it says: Certificate Number) comma and the undersigned is hereby terminated comma and 2. On (blank) (date) comma I mailed my former partner a copy at his/her (or both in the case of pre-op TGs?) last known address comma which is (big blank) (address to which copy was mailed ) I swear and affirm under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of Florida that the above statements are true and correct. Executed on: (blank) comma (blank) (I think they mean when you filed the form, not when you shot your so-and-so ex-honey to finally get the whole damn dead thing over with and again take charge of the remote control and your life without asking anyone else's permission.) The rest is half-page simple. At: Signed: Address: Phone: Etc: And a place for a notary to feel important. Then at the bottom, in relatively small letters, the final document declaration and decree: Termination of Declaration of Domestic Partnership. (I don't want to pick nits here, well, yes, actually I do, I just want to seem funnier than most naggers and whiners when I do it, but - when you get a decree of divorce from the great State of Anywhere, does it say "Termination of DECLARATION of marriage"? Or do you just divide up the kids, the CDs, and get a divorce decree? Well, maybe that's for later. I haven't gotten you partnered yet. Just terminated. ) Oh, yeah, its form number 404-62 for the domestically disinclined. Actually, that's how hard it WILL BE to declare your gay independence in Broward County AFTER July 12th, 1999. The day it's also legal to declare, for the purposes of insurance companies, and, well, maybe one of your mothers, that you have each been domesticated. Sanctioned, if not sanctified. Are we happy for the Browardians? Well, having been one for nearly a decade before I disembarked both the County and the couple, having been without benefit of liturgy, the whole thing leaves me extremely whelmed. Not that I don't applaud the good folks who caused it. Not that I couldn't name them by names, and tell you what kind of wall paper is in their guest bathrooms, right Robin? Huh, Dean? And kudos and bravae for the great work. It was a great long fight, and it's always nice to find friends emerging victorious. But - for twenty bucks now in Broward County, Florida, you can declare your undying, what? Domesticity? I never found more than half of any given couple (and, of course, our lawyers) who cared much. I'm not going to repeat all the silly sermons the straights sang during the fight for DOMA. There was, as far as I'm concerned, NO defense of marriage in the first place. When your lose-win average is six out of ten, you can't claim much bragging right. Oh, sure, domestic partnership declarations are a good way to keep the premiums, um, uh, well, straight on the BMW and Grand Cherokee, at least for the insurers. But I'm still having trouble understanding why we picked up this particular fight in the first place. I say picked UP rather than picked because it was never ours. We were hoping for protection from getting tied to a fence rail and left out in blizzards. We wanted the universe changed enough so that dyke was a compliment. I'd hoped we'd wait until they got it fixed. Guess not. Not that I'm against pairing. I have committed it multiply. And on both sides of the wire. All I can tell you is that the split from Whatsisname cost me six hundred bucks for the lawyers in 1969. And the split in Broward County from Whatsername, without benefit of anything writ, cost me several thousand for the lawyers, not to mention losing the couch, the dog, and the coffee grinder. Don't misunderstand me, I personally want to thank every single glbt attorney who has ever stood in our defense, and won. Winning is good. And feels great. We've always needed victories. Even on the silly ones I disagree with, even though the battle was a monumental uphill climb. Politics and law are our last bastion, the final holdout, the ultimate, encoded reflection of what we've managed to change in the real world. It's just that my Visa bill still reflects the domestic redistribution of wealth in Broward County, Florida, and I doubt that any official grudging declaration would have changed that. Probably just made it worse. Oh, now I get it. Now that it's a county-wide custom, I bet the attorney fees for the gay-breaks will go up to equal everyone else's. Is that a conflict of interest? Or, like the accounting in my checkbook, just irreconcilable differences? ------------------------- (C) 1999. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. Must be reprinted only in its entirety with permission. Shelly Roberts, an internationally syndicated columnist, journalist, and author of the 1999 Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Living Daily Calendar (Spinsters Ink.).