Date: Thu, 5 Aug 1999 21:58:49 +0000 Subject: ROBERTS' RULES: TVdoc ROBERTS' RULES by Shelly Roberts HOW CHEAP IS TALK? Some times the universe just hands it to you. This came across my computer screen thanks to the magic of the tangled Internet web we1ve randomly and irretrievably woven. I get a lot of glbt stuff. This one got me scratching my head. "Hi," it started, innocently enough. "I am an associate producer for a new national television show set to premiere on CBS this September called Dr. Joy Browne. Our host is a real psychologist and has also been hosting a national talk radio show for 20 years. Our goal is to offer solutions NOT to create problems. "Are you gay with a girlfriend/boyfriend who is convinced they can make you straight? The show will not exploit the negative aspects of this relationship but discuss them realistically, addressing emotions on both sides. Dr. Joy is there to help you. If you or someone you know is in this relationship, please email me at DRJBTV@aol.com. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Please call today! Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you! Evelien. Hoooo-dear! First, this is a legitimate request for folks in this situation who may want to get flown to New York to be TV fodder. I don't know anybody like this, but if you are reading this and it1s still August, and still the year before the next thousand starts, email this producer right away. If you really want to be a fifteen minute star, here's your chance. But let1s talk about this for one of those minutes. From two fronts. First, who Dr. Joy is, and why she's inviting you to New Yuck (Been that. Lived there.) to be on TV. Dr. Joy used to be who you listened to on the radio when Dr. Frasier Crane couldn't make a house call. She stood out for her reasoned responses given the shallowness of the Doctor- Patient radio-relationship. But, speaking of shallow, along came the dreaded "Dr." L, which, trust me, doesn't, for the gay-bashing Laura, stand for "Lesbian." (And while we1re on the subject, that "Dr." is in physio- not psycho-. (though who am I to say whether the doctor is psycho or not? Or logical or not? Or a doctor or not?) Psychobabble is in the ear of the beholder.) "Dr." L, who is, according to all the best dish sources, a pushy, stab-you-in-the-back-right-before-your-very- eyes, kind of a ratings shark, pushed the milder-mannered talk-doc right to the back of the lineup. Trash radio ratings swelled the stations carrying the imposter, who, when it comes to anything gay, can make you think that Jerry Falwell had a gender and religion transplant. But now the worm is turning. Listeners are no longer amused by radio rantings, and the more qualified mind-bender is gaining a nice edge over the loudmouth, whom children refer to as "that mean lady on the radio." Now Dr. J has one media up'd her rival, and promises that on TV, which doesn't have Laura to kick around (yet), "Our goal is to offer solutions. NOT to create problems." Nice thought. Bad start. After all, the fake doc alienated a large, prime, desirable demographic. Us. G. L. B. And T. So why not woo? Promise us non-exploitation in the face of Jerry Springer. Anybody reading ahead of me here? I don't want Dr. Joy to be the lesser of two evils. If we're talking gay here as a ratings revver-upper, and you want to draw me 'n' my demographics, then talk about me nicely. If we1re talking nice gay here, why are we looking for self-defeating gay people who would get themselves into a relationship with someone who thought they needed to be fixed? Why would Dr. Joy want off-angle apologists who believed that they even COULD fix their partner? And, for heavens sake, why would she want guests who, if they succeeded, would put themselves right smack out of the relationship by fixing their so-called partner. It's a double logic that defies me. I don't recall seeing a call for straight people who believe that they can make their partners gay. Makes just about as much sense. The whole world is busy teaching itself how wholesome we are. And here's a good doctor, well intentioned, apparently, who, for the sake of intro-ratings, wants to dig into corners to find the last weird refuges of our weaker cohorts. Unrounded personalities without ego-strength to understand the folly of their own beliefs and insecurities, and turn them, defacto, into broader examples our enemies, and hers, if Dr. L runs true to form, can use against us? Sure I'd rather get my free advice from Joy instead of neurotic, ambitious pathology. But is this path any better than the awful competition? I don't think so, Doc. Bad mistake.. You can't buy my valuable loyalty by holding me up to ridicule, no matter what your good intentions. What next? A whole show devoted to the pathology of Charlie, the suicidal Star-Kist tuna? ------------------------- (C) 1999. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. Must be reprinted only in its entirety with permission. Shelly Roberts, an internationally syndicated columnist, journalist, and author of the 1999 Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Living Daily Calendar (Spinsters Ink.)