Subject: ROBERTS' RULES: Rainbow
From: "Shelly Roberts" <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 27 May 1998 12:08:11 +0000

ROBERTS' RULES 

OF THE RAINBOW

by 

Shelly Roberts

1. The only thing on the gay agenda is that the meeting will start
twenty minutes late.

2. No good deed ever escapes offending  someone you didn't think of in
time.

3. It is nearly impossible for some community members to take "yes"
for an answer.

4. Perversions are what other people do.  You're normal.

5. Every time you move you will have to stuff new envelopes. No
exceptions.

6. The lesbians  will accuse the gay men of being power mad
chauvinists.

7. The gay men will accuse the lesbians of being drudges, and drones. 

8. Both groups will add: "Present company excepted, of course." 

9. Both groups will believe that they mean it.

10. Most of the newsletter will be boring to everyone but the
Newsletter Editor and the Board of Directors.

11. Fortunately it will arrive too late for anybody to bother reading
it.

12. Everyone will wait for someone else to say "thank you" first. Kind
of like lesbians waiting for a date.

13. There is no such thing as not-political.

14. There is, however, such a thing as not-voting.

15. The more you do, the more they will ask you to do it again.

16. Though it will not quite be done  the way they  would have.

17. No one ever knows a much better printer till after the bill for
the flyers comes in.

18. There is no convert like a PFLAG parent. Thank heavens.

19. Only the activists can tell the difference between a parade and a
march.

20. Unless there's good music,  only the activist will show up.

21. Every meeting is an opportunity to  take someone home. This is a
foreign concept to most lesbians.

22. There are no actual numbers on the monthly community calendar.
First Tuesday. Fourth Wednesday. Third Thursday. And, oops, Last
Night.

23. No one will ever convince organizations  that NONE of your money
is disposable.

24. Giving to  political candidates just encourages them.

25. If you bought tickets to  every fundraiser that asks,  pretty soon
you'd need a fundraiser for yourself.

26. It's easier to fly a rainbow flag than a nazi one. And it goes
better with French Provincial, Southwestern, and Early American. 

27. You can buy the book  you're looking for  someplace cheaper than
your hometown rainbow bookstore.

28. You will  notice that your bookstore's closed only after it gone.

29. You will wonder where you can buy rainbow paraphernalia.

30. And accuse the owners of knowing nothing about books or business.

31. Lesbians believe that gay men are getting too much sex. 

32. Gay men believe that lesbians aren't getting enough.

33. Both believe that more would get done if the other would just do
something  to change that.

34. Every group believes that we'd win,  if every other group would
just listen to reason. Theirs.

35. Using balance, consensus,  and political correctness to choose
will result in  a perfectly balanced Board  that can't agree  on
anything.

36. Every mail delivery  will contain at least one windowed envelope
with a rainbow sign or triangle sign, and a dollar sign.

37. There  are no good old days.

_______________________

(C) 1998. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. A one-time simultaneous
print right is hereby granted to subscribing newspapers; all other
rights, including electronic or digital reproduction are reserved.
Must be reprinted only in its entirety.

Shelly Roberts is an internationally syndicated columnist, journalist
and author of the next set of Roberts' Rules: Lesbian Dating. (June
'98 Spinsters Ink.)