From: "Shelly Roberts" <shellyr@bridge.net>
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 21:55:48 +0000
Subject: ROBERTS' RULES: Calendar


ROBERTS' RULES 

by Shelly Roberts

KEEPING UP TO DATE

Anyone who has been in the Rainbow Community for more than 26 minutes
knows that the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender calendar is missing
something: numbers.  But, hey, who needs numbers.  We have groups.
On-going groups. On-and-on-and-on-going groups.

And the nicest thing about the glbt calendar is that all you ever need
is one.  Because next month, it will be exactly the same as last
month.  So in the interest of efficiency, and to save you all that
strain involved in arduous page turning, and so you can spend all your
energy going straight...er, um...gaily forward to the important stuff,
the queer-roscope and the personals, I herewith, heretofore, hereby,
and hereunder submit the one and only community calendar you'll ever
need.

DAYS OF THE RAINBOW:

First Monday: Lesbians Who Don't Like Anything


First Tuesday: Lesbians Who Don't Like Lesbians Who Don't Like
Anything
                      Lesbians In Recovery From 12 Step Programs Gay
                      Men Who Don't Know Any Lesbians United


First Wednesday: Ellen Watch


First Thursday: Tofu Lesbians


First Friday: Tofutti Lesbians


First Saturday: Gay Men With Good Suits, Good Jobs, And Good Haircuts


First Sunday: Gay Men Who Use Religion As An Excuse To Wear Dresses
And Not Get Arrested 


Second Monday: Gay Line, Circle, Square & Rhomboid Dancing


Second Tuesday: Vanilla Lesbians Fooling Around Just A 
Little Bit With Bondage.                              

                           B&D Librarians Together 


Second Wednesday: Ellen Watch 


Second Thursday: Baby Dykes on Trykes 


Second Friday: AA -A: Gays and Lesbians in Recovery From Travel


Second Saturday: Gay Peck Flex


Second Sunday: United Lesbatarian Luthermethodbab Ist Congregation
Assemblage of the Gawdess. 


Third Monday: African American Lesbians Who Never Show Up For Anybody
Else's Meeting. 


Third Tuesday: ZRXCT for gays, Int'l - Initial Meeting

                      Gold Earring Lesbians Who Don't Show Up 
For Anything Else Group


Third Wednesday: Ellen Watch 


Third Thursday:Very Young People Without Aids Who Pretend For 
Sympathy

                      Straight Women Who Want To Seem Like  Lesbians  


Third Friday: Queers Who Only Want To Sing Queer Music.   

                   Queers Who Only Want To Sing Queer Music with      
                Members Of Their Own Gender. 


Third Friday: Rainbow Alliance Coalition Association Organization
League - Talking Together - Beginners' 101 Seminar 


Third Saturday: Piercers Advisory Council On Deceiving Airport 
Metal Detectors                          

                       Just Us Legal League For Self-Involved 
Community Active Attorneys


Third Sunday: A-Gays Brunch. No location announced.  If you don't
already know, you're not one. 


Fourth Monday: Euphemism: Meeting canceled


Fourth Tuesday: Prsnl Ad Wrtng Sminr. No Elliterites.

                            PMOTTK -Parents More Out Than Their Kids


Fourth Wednesday: Ellen Watch 


Fourth Thursday: House Honeys - Covering Your Own Assets. 


Fourth Friday: React Down - Conservatives for Some Change
If Nobody Objects 


Fourth Saturday: Congregation Bet ChurlifeIam One

                         Softball Femmes In Really Cute Uniforms



Fourth Sunday: Too Dark And Really Obscure Film Festival

                          Extremely Bad Poets Conference


And THESE are the days of our lives.
                      ________________________
(C) 1998. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. A one-time simultaneous
print right is hereby granted to subscribing newspapers; all other
rights, including electronic or digital reproduction are reserved.
Must be reprinted only in its entirety.

Shelly Roberts is an internationally syndicated columnist, 
and the author of the newest best-selling Roberts' Rules of Lesbian
Break Ups. (Spinsters Ink.)