Subject: ROBERTS' RULES: Funny
From: "Shelly Roberts" <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 18:27:14 +0000

ROBERTS' RULES

by 

Shelly Roberts

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ELLEN

Now that I don't have to, I've been watching The Ellen Show a lot. 

My verdict is that the woman is I-Love-Lucy classic. Her comic timing
is brilliant. Her ability to let ensemble players star in their own
characters, reminiscent of the best of Mary Tyler Moore, rather than
serve as "straight-men," should earn her the sobriquet, "Ellen
MostGenerous."

Why, you are probably asking, since the show ended with a bang AND a
whimper eons ago, it seems, should I be bothering myself with such old
news? It just seemed right 's all. You see, thanks to the genii (What
IS the plural of genius?!) at LifetimeTV, you can now get a daily
double dose of  Ellen Show reruns. When she was network, trying to
live up to everyone else's expectations, you couldn't watch this
consummate artist practice her craft without bringing blinders and
some heavily packed bags to the broadcast.

I know if I didn't watch, I felt guilty. Derelict in my duty. One of
our own was telling our truth. And if we didn't support her, we might
lose our only leading lesbian. 

But, of course, if you DID watch under that kind of obligation, it
made funny seem beside the point. We had critical duties to perform.
Every regularly watching lesbian I knew felt deputized to peruse every
plot for political purity. It's hard to hold onto our collective
senses of humor when we're working that hard.  

In perfect 20/20 hindsight, what surprises me, is just how much Ellen
did. Keep her humor. The pressure from every side must have been
enormous. I was so busy being capital L lesbian, I didn't notice how
very good she was. 

Away for all the musts and have-to's, I can appreciate this exquisite
talent who coincidentally, happens to be one of us. Who knows how much
it cost Ellen personally? Maybe if more of us with Neilson trackers
had watched - ah, but that's idle speculation. We can't even get
ourselves out to vote as though our lives depended on it. And I admit
it. Some weeks I didn't watch. I know that I should have. Just to keep
the numbers up. Just like I feel the obligation to go to some really
bad movies, just because some struggling lesbians made them. But after
while, the pressure was too high. Or I had a date. Or a column
overdue.

I certainly hope that Ellen really did come out for herself. That she
isn't too disappointed in the droves of us who couldn't keep flocking
weekly to Wednesday. I also hope that any greater good that came from
it is sufficiently satisfying. Because by being the video Amazon,
Ellen Degeneres paid an enormous professional price. She lost her
stage.

We lost something too. We lost the weekly, laughter-cleansing
opportunity  to watch her perform. Ellen's job was, after all, to be
engagingly, entertainingly funny. Something she obviously was, whether
the subject was light and gay, or just light, or she wouldn't have had
the platform in the first place.

About that Lucy comparison -- it's not, for me, just an
I-Love-Lucy-More-Than-You-Do competition. I lived whereof I speak. My
uncle, who was once President of The Screen Extra's Guild, was a
long-time employee of Desilu, Lucy's production company. Regular
discussions at family dinners involved timing and camera angles for
stomping grapes or eating conveyor belts full of bon-bons. I could
pronounce Veeta-Vita-Vegamin long before I could untangle
supercalafragilisticexpialadocious. I annually got to field trip my
brownie troop to the taping studio, a singular benefit of an LA
childhood. When the kids in our tribe did shows of our own, Lucy was
the standard we measured up to.

So (since I have at least as many thumbs as either Siskel or Ebert)
does Ellen. The reruns show she comes as close as anyone I've seen.
Timing. Expression. Delivery. A+.

I don't think I'd have known that from watching the old shows as a
requirement for keeping my lesbian credentials current. I also don't
know what she might have done differently, other than not step out
onto the ledge and jump. I'm not even sure what WE could have done
differently. It just seemed time to acknowledge Ellen for the mastery
of her gift as well as continuously ovating her courage to do what so
many of us have done by now, which is to say, "Here I am, World,
ready or not." She's had a lot of applause already for  that.

I know she'll be back. Talent like that doesn't go long without
resurfacing. But just in case you're reading this, Ellen, (or just in
case you aren't Ellen, but you run into her in the supermarket in some
hideaway hamlet she and Ann are threatening to exile themselves to,
Hollywood being so full of people so full of being in Hollywood,)
there's something I wanted to say: As a role model, you were
excellent. But as a comedian --Exquisite!

What you're hearing behind me is the sound of BOTH hands clapping.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  

(C) 1998. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. A one-time simultaneous
print right is hereby granted to subscribing newspapers; all other
rights, including electronic or digital reproduction are reserved.

Must be reprinted only in its entirety.

Shelly Roberts is an internationally syndicated columnist, journalist
and author of those pesky rules for lesbians and, now, the 1999 
Roberts' Rules of Daily Lesbian Living calendar. (Spinsters Ink)