Subject: ROBERTS' RULES: WILLAWAY
From: [email-masked]
Date: Tue, 11 Feb 1997 18:13:21 +0000

EDITORS: THIS COLUMN MAY NOT BE COMMERCIALLY REPRODUCED WITHOUT
PERMISSION. PLEASE CONTACT ME AT THE ABOVE ADDRESS TO WORK OUT
DETAILS OF PUBLICATION. COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL.

====================================

ROBERTS' RULES
by Shelly Roberts

RETAINING AN ADVANTAGE.

I am not in the business of promoting my friends.

Unless of course they take a salary from me and they've done a darn
fine job making me oodles more than I pay them. Or. if they're in the
rainbow community, are doing a darn fine job making me and a few
million of my closest associates feel oodles more comfortable in our
own skins.    Or. the word "convertible" happens to come up in the
conversation. (something styly from foreign countries with whom we
haven't waged war lately, or in regards to my only adventures with
bond-age.)    But occasionally I make an exception.

I have these two nice non-gay friends who have gotten past apologizing
to me for their heterosexualty. I have forgiven them their
orientation.    After all, I understand there is some not-yet
definitive scientific proof that it's genetic. Unfortunately, that
study seems to be stuffed into the vault with the studies on the
medical effectiveness of marijuana.    

I also don't usually ascribe to the concept of outsiders paying the
college tuition of their minor dependents on our backs, but a) I've
gotten too many bad deals from community members who think I owe them
a living because of our shared predilections and b) the ideas of
win-win and doing well and good at the same time have always held some
appeal.

These friends, call them Rudi and Sally, (why not, that's their real
names), have a nationwide business making legal services available on
a pre-paid, per-month basis.    They're associated with an established
company, and they do a fine business, because it's a good service for
a more than fair price. But these are go-getter, smart-cookies.  
Based on a convention-conversation overheard at an elevator,
sharp-witted Rudi, stuck his head in and said "Really?    You mean
this service is available for gays and lesbians?"    Getting an
affirmative that hadn't been spelled out in the manuals, it was a
possibility that tugged at his good-samaritan, smart-business guy
instincts.

"Shelly," he said across a plate of buffalo chicken tenders. "What if
you were a straight person." (I'm not that good an actress.    But I
did play the role for a thousand years one decade, and know all the
moves, so I pretended) "And I could offer you, your spouse, and your
children the following."

His list included free unlimited legal phone consults,   legal letter
writing, contract and document review for as many up-to-ten page
documents as you can generate, court representation for moving traffic
violations, and defense counsel when you are charged with voluntary or
involuntary person-slaughter, negligent or vehicular homicide, at no
added cost. (Not that YOU'd ever need the last one, but maybe that kid
of yours.. ) And a slew of stuff OJ could only WISH he'd heard of a
couple of bank accounts ago.

"Um," I acknowledged.    "My family doesn't fit your usual profile,
Rudi."

"That's it! He said, his eyes alight, even before the homemade
chicken-sausage soup arrived. "It's available to your community.
Nobody else offers it."

"What's the catch,? "sez I.    I try to be as cynical as I can, but
these days it's hard to keep up.    "Well, they do have to sign an
affidavit of Domestic Partnership.    But look.   I brought one.  
It's simple and (he said it, I didn't) straight forward."

I did.    It is simple.    You just declare that you aren't married to
anyone, are over 18, are not related by blood closer than would bar
marriage in your state (which may leave out some of our southern
commonwealths) and that you are each other's "sole and domestic
partner and are responsible for each other's common welfare."    And
that the relationship is longer than 6 months old, which, as we know,
in lesbian years, is a first date. 

Did I mention 75 hours of attorney time if you or your spouse are
named defendant or respondent in a covered civil or job-related
criminal action filed in court? Like, oh, say.a custody battle, maybe?
Or that you get a comprehensive (I saw the form and it sure beats the
packet you pick up at Walmarts.) WILL?    You remember, that little
paper you were going to get to any year now, to keep your antique
bottlecap collection from going to your abusive sibling instead of
your designated DP should you meet Roma Downing sooner than expected?
They're included.    For sixteen bucks a month. See what I mean about
OJ?    And he isn't even gay.

Don't write me.   Write them. Email [email-masked].    Or if
you're still analog, call 561/451-2940. Leave your number (your name
would probably help too) and they'll call back.

Me? I'll get a great home cooked meal out of the deal from Rudi who's
a five star chef.   And, of course, I'll also sign up to get my legal
coverage and will for the same $16 regardless of my orientation.
Besides, how would you know about this stuff unless I tell you.

Thanks to some dearly enlightened allies, now there's a will AND a
way.

________________________
(C) 1997. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved.
May be reprinted only in its entirety with written permission.

Shelly Roberts the author of the #1 best-selling
Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Living. (Spinsters Ink.)