From: shellyr@bridge.net
Date: Tue, 22 Apr 1997 09:51:34 +0000
Subject: ROBERTS' RULES:breakups

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________________________________

ROBERTS' RULES
of
Lesbian Break Ups!
by Shelly Roberts



Well, okay, since we're friends.  And since you asked.  It's ROBERTS'
RULES OF LESBIAN BREAK UPS from Spinsters Ink.  When?  Oh.  In May
sometime.  Yes, that is coming out, er, up soon, isn't it?  Why?  Why
what?  Oh, breakups. Well, I was going to write a book about lesbian
dating.  Then I realized that we break-up so much more often than we
date.  

See some?  Well...um...hmmm...sure.  A couple of 'em.  A random
selection. Since we're friends. It's not like it's against the rules.

ROBERTS' RULES OF LESBIAN BREAK UPS.
(excerpted from, what else?, Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Break ups.)

1.  They WERE right.  She wasn't good enough for you.

2.  Two years from now, you'll be telling everyone that it was the
best thing that ever happened to you...

3...Knowing this, however will be of absolutely no use to you until
then. None.

4.  It's only over when it's over.

5.  But not necessarily.

6. Nearly everyone sleeps with her ex at least once without getting
arrested.

7.  In a court of law, she who has the most signatures on the canceled
checks wins.

8. You don't mourn the relationship you had.  You mourn the
relationship you hoped you'd have.

9. Sending death threats is a felony.

10.  If you keep looking backwards, you'll miss all the women in front
of you.

11.You will follow strangers wearing her perfume.

12. After a while, you will stop.

13. Or get arrested by Mall Security.
14. Don't gloat.

15. "Support" and "Control" are NOT synonyms.

16.  Chocolate can only help.

17.  It takes at least half the time you were in it to get past it.

18. Maybe longer.

19.  No matter which side you were one.

20.  Get your own lawyer.

21.  Take a year off.

22.The stereo system is the hardest thing to divide.  (Not counting
the children.)

23.  There is great satisfaction in giving her piano to the Salvation
Army.

24. Or rolling it down the stairs.

25. Or selling it for a big profit.

26.  Or filling it with Cool Whip and Black Cherry Jell-O just before
her moving people get there.

27.  Your relationship didn't fail.  It just ran out of time.

28.  Next time date nicer women.

________________________
(C) 1997. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved.
May be commercially reprinted only in its entirety with written
permission.

Shelly Roberts is an internationally syndicated columnist, and the
author of the #1 best-selling Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Living.
(Spinsters Ink.)