From: "Shelly Roberts" Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 21:57:10 +0000 Subject: Roberts' Rules: Is there a god? Editors: You can reach me at a new email address shellyr@bridge.net As usualy, anything between *'s is in italics. Column is free to non-profits. All others please notify at new address of publication date. Shelly. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ROBERTS' RULES by Shelly Roberts IS THERE A GOD? (OR GODDESS, DEPENDING) Consider the following: Non-gays now apologize to us for not knowing. The President of the US saying the word "Gay" in hopes of *getting* elected. Aunt Mary's 52 year companion invited to family weddings. Uncle Buddy's "friend" included in family reunions. Families that sign the Christmas card to *both* of you. Straight women pretend to be lesbians. We can't get on a talk show unless we killed more than three people. Or won the Nobel and Pulitzer prizes. Nearly half the senate voted in our favor. Christian Coalition members are questioning why they're being called "Bigots" Pat Bucanan wasn't *allowed* on the platform at the Republican Convention by other Christian Coalitioners. They don't raid our bars. Our colorful recognition sign has nothing to do with nazis. Queer Resources Directory on the Internet. An out lesbian was appointed and approved for the Federal Cabinet. IBM! k.d. lang, Janis Ian, Melissa Etheridge (In no particular order) You're reading this. Mel White is on *our* side. Barnes & Nobel and Borders book sections with our names on them. Billions of lesbian and gay books to fill those book sections. Lesbian chic. The 1993 March on Washington. Telling your mother. Stonewall 1994. Ellen DeGeneris' producers even considering an outting story line. The Roseann kiss. We win local elections on a 52% to 48% average. We put the Religious Political Extremists in Congress on the defensive about their marriages. Toyota and IKEA think we're as much a market as all the booze and condom mfrs. Hundreds of thousands come to our parades in big cities. Tens of thousands come to our parades in small towns. We are now actually surprised when celebrities *don't* come out. he city sanctioned gay and lesbian visitors center at the Atlanta Olympics. Your father understanding lesbian divorce. Your mother telling you that she knows it wasn't her fault. (It was your father's! -a mom joke) The size of PFLAG. The best proof of the idiocy of the Speaker of the House: his own sister. The best argument for mixed marriages: Chastity Bono The best question to ask a stranger and expect a positive answer: Who in *your* family is gay or lesbian? And finally, one of my all time favorites, which may or may not have any thing to do with being lesbian or gay, but, hey, what the heck, it is my list: Spaghetti and mashed potatoes are now considered *healthy* food. Amazing. And in our lifetime. And you thought things looked empty. Guess it depends on how you hold the glass. ________________________ (C) 1996. Shelly Roberts. All rights reserved. May be reprinted only in its entirety with written permission. Shelly Roberts is a nationally syndicated columnist, speaker, and author of the #1 Best Seller, Roberts' Rules of Lesbian Living. (Spinsters Ink.)