**************************************** WARNING! THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL, AND MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED OR REPRINTED COMMERCIALLY WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION. COPYRIGHT 1994. SHELLY ROBERTS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PUBLICATIONS WISHING TO CARRY CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET, PLEASE CONTACT AUTHOR DIRECTLY AT shellyr@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us *************************************** Cleaning Out My Closet by Shelly Roberts Lesbian Code. Because lesbians never used to say the word out loud about each other. And because every one of us always knew who every other one of us was talking about. And because now Time Magazine has made "Lesbian" a proper noun. And now that your mother, and your President can both say the word out loud along with a whole list of words nobody ever used to say in polite company and on tv, like " Condom." Before it's all lost and we forget. In the interest of Lesbian Visibility. And with an enormous amount of assistance from Alix Dobkin's* personal research, I herewith offer for our herstorical preservation, for the nostalgic indulgence of my FOF's ("Friends Over Fifty), the enlightened edification of my FUTT's ("Friends Under Twenty Three"), and the confirming of some suspicions of my FWANG'S (Friends Who Are Not Gay), here is the most recently compiled list of euphonious euphemisms for lesbians ever uttered in public over the years to distinguish ourselves from the ordinary people: Initially, we are BD's (Baby Dykes). PD's (Possible Dykes). And then DD's. (Definite Dykes). She is POU. (Positively One of Us) She's an MOT (Member Of the Tribe). She has a high LP (Lesbian Potential) She suffers from PLT (Pre-Lesbian Tension).There is no cure. She could be a D.O.T. - Dyke of Today. Or Tomorrow. Or she could be a D-I-T, a Dyke-In-Training. Or an FDA - A Future Dyke Of America. In any case, she's always a VT (a Visual Treat) to see, especially when it's DL and DR.(Dyke to the Left and Dyke to the Right.). She Speaks In Tongues. Has Dutch Boy Fingers. She Dines at the Y. She's as Campy As A Row Of Tents. She's A Lesbyterian. Is Of The Faith. Is A Member Of The Church. A Holy Sister of The Inclination. Or at least she Sings In The Choir. She's Got Her ID Card. She Looks A Little Bit Sus(pect). She's Lithuanian. Lebanese. Labesian. And Lesbionic. A Lesbo. A Lassie. A Lemon. A Lasso. A Lash. She's Like That. And she Crosses the Lesbicon every chance she gets.. She Wears White Pants. She Wears Comfortable Shoes. She Shops At The Mall. She's Gifted. Elite. She's Capable. She Gets A Hundred Points. Has Earned Her Degree. Has Got Herself A Gold Star. She Enjoys Life. She Has A Tan. She Drives A Bus. She Rides The Bus. She's Bookish. A Librarian. She's A First Class First Grade Teacher. She Teaches Kindergarten. She's Quite A Prof. She Goes To D U. (Dyke University) She is a Gardener. A Carpenter. A Camp Counselor. She's a Bowler. She Plays Softball. She Plays Hardball. She's Definitely On The Team. She's a WannaBe. A GottaBe. She's One Of Us. Our Kind Of Gal. She's With Us. She's One Of The Girls. She's On The Committee. In The Club. A Member of The Lodge. She's a Betty. She is A Friend Of Dorothy's. In Kentucky, she's a Lima Bean. In the closet, she's a Canned Bean. A Baby Dyke? She's a Green Bean. If she's now with a guy, that's right, she's a Has-Bean. In Fresno, she's a Fresbian. In Australia, a Kiwi. (Fruit, my friend, fruit) She Sings Womyn's Music. She is a Lizard. She is a Giraffe. (They have the longest tongues of all.) If She Ain't, She Oughta Be. She Colors Outside The Lines. She's Family. Someday somebody's grandchildren will want to know what we meant by that. Now you can tell them. Now that you know the code. __________________________ *Much of this list came from Alix Dobkin's wonderfully funny song, "Lesbian Code" ©Alix Dobkin 1990, from her album "Love And Politics. A 30 Year Saga"© Alix Dobkin 1992, Womens Wax Works, Distributed by Lady Slipper Music, Inc., or from her additional personal collection shared with a hundred Gifted Women at LB's Eatery in Coral Gables, Florida, February, 1993. If you don't know her music, you should. Alix Dobkin is Our Kind. She's definitely One Of Us. She has been Singing Womyn's Music since before Meg. Or Chris. Way before KD. Or Melissa. Her music is thoroughly Lesbionic ________________________ ©1994. Shelly Roberts. All Rights Reserved. May be reprinted only in its entirety with written permission. Shelly Roberts is a nationally syndicated columnist, and author of The Dyke Detector, Hey, Mom, Guess What...?150 Ways To Tell Your Mother, and Make News! Make Noise!, Paradigm Publishing ________________________