Subject: Submission: Outing Yourself, A Review
From: [email-masked]
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 1996 16:07:51 -0500

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A Guide to the Great Out-(of the Closet)-Doors

S. K. Pasisozis

Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as a Lesbian or Gay to your Family, Friends
and Coworkers
by Michelangelo Signorile (New York: Random House, 1995) xxx + 172 pp., no
index.

Two years ago, I realized something that caused a major shock. I knew I had
always lived in a dark place, but in my mid-forties, I was realizing that
this dark place was in fact a closet. Anguish was realizing this; terror was
sharing it with a few friends; relief and joy was their acceptance and
support; liberation and invigoration was leaving the closet once and for all,
nailing it shut behind me. All this I found echoed in the experiences of
others as recounted in Outing Yourself by Michelangelo Signorile.

Outing Yourself is described on the dust jacket as "a revolutionary
fourteen-step guide to coming out of the closet".  I would hardly call it
revolutionary. But it is certainly methodical and logical. What might be
revolutionary about it is giving a guide to a murky process that most of us
have stumbled through by trial-and-error; some successfully, some not so
well. The experiences of many other gay men and women are recounted here. The
comfort and reassurance that my experience is quite normal (as queers go) was
consoling.  And the book's instructions can help lesbians, gays, and their
families navigate what at first seems to be a certain crash-and-burn
experience.  

There are heart-warming stories. The grandmother who told her adult gay
grandson, "I know you don't like girls. I watch all of the talk shows, I know
what's going on in the world. . .When you get to my age a lot of things don't
bother you that used to bother you. You realize that a lot of things aren't
important enough to get upset over. What's important is that people are
happy." The homophobic mother who realized that she had believed lies about
homosexuals when her son came out to her. There are other stories, just as
typical, of not-so-happy endings. But Outing Yourself doesn't try to hide
this possibility. It deals with truth, and helps the gay person in the
journey of self- acceptance and self-discovery and self-sharing.  For me, the
best thing about this book was the stories of many other gay men and women.
Their experiences and feelings, even when not echoes of my own, nevertheless
resonated in my heart.

This book has a few flaws. An index would be helpful. A list of organizations
such as P-FLAG would be useful. And some of the author's own political
correctness, attitude, and superiority towards those who might disagree with
him mar the book. If the reader dislikes transvestites or sado-masochism,
Signorile inaccurately attributes it to the reader's own "internalized
homophobia." Nonsense! Maybe I don't like s/m or such because I don't like to
see anyone degraded or humiliated or subjected to pain. Maybe I don't like
skag drag because I think it is insulting to women. Maybe I don't like
hearing men referred to in the feminine because I find it confusing,
especially if I don't know the people involved. Is whoever a HE-she or a
SHE-she? Later, he repeats his patronizing yet asinine remarks about how
those who may disagree with him suffer from "deep self- loathing." But I will
give him credit: he also acknowledges that anyone familiar with his writings
know his lack of patience for those still living in the closet.

But Mr. Signorile--we all of us don't leave the closet until we're ready.
Even you! So please try to remember that, OK?  Nevertheless, this book is a
good guide to a difficult process. As with anything else, take what is
helpful and leave the rest. Chew the meat and spit out the bone.