Date: Sun, 07 Sep 1997 06:24:29 -0400 From: Maggie Heineman Subject: Survey finds most parents would support a gay child http://www.washblade.com/national/a.htm Survey finds most parents would support a Gay child 67% would be 'OK about it' if their child 'came out' by Lisa Keen Two out of three people said that if they had a child who told them he or she was Gay, they would either "give them words of support" or "be OK about it." A national poll last week indicates that coming out to parents may not be as bad as some people think. A Washington Blade-commissioned survey of 1,123 adults nationwide found that 67 percent said that if they had a child who told them he or she was Gay, they would either "give them words of support" or "be OK about it." Asked how they would feel about their child telling other people that he or she is Gay, 60 percent said, "They should tell whomever they want to tell; there's nothing wrong with it." The survey was conducted by phone in all 50 states by the Mason-Dixon Political/Media Research group between Aug. 25 and 27. The margin of error was plus or minus 3 percent. Mason-Dixon polled only registered voters and asked them a variety of questions to assess their feelings about a number of issues, including the job performance of various elected officials and routine demographic questions. Two questions assessed their feelings about having a Gay child. The first question asked: "If you had children and one of them was Gay, how would you prefer that he or she handle that?" Choosing from four given options, the survey participants responded: * 60 percent said "They should tell whomever they want to tell, there's nothing wrong with it." * 19 percent said "They should tell me, but they shouldn't tell anyone outside the family." * 10 percent said "They should keep the information to themselves, I don't want to know about it." * 10 percent said, "I don't know how I would want my child to handle this." One percent did not choose a response from this group. The second question asked was: "If you had children and one of them came to you and told you he or she was Gay, which of the following would most likely be your response?" Choosing from five given options, the survey participants responded: * 41 percent said, "I'm not sure what I would do, but I would be OK about it." * 26 percent said "I'd give them words of support." * 18 percent said "I'm not sure what I would do, but I wouldn't like it." * 7 percent said "I'd suggest they get psychological help to change to heterosexual." And * 1 percent said, "I'd ask that they leave the house." Seven percent did not choose a response from this group. "It's very encouraging that there were such large percentages OK with it," said Randall Cole, communications director of the Hetrick-Martin Institute for Gay youth in New York City. "It really speaks to the fact that it's getting easier [to come out] and that the education being done by a lot of organizations like PFLAG and Hetrick-Martin and others is paying off." Nancy McDonald, president of the national Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) organization, said she is "very encouraged" by the results. "Perhaps it means that all of the public education programs that we're engaged in, that the Human Rights Campaign and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and other organizations are engaged in -- perhaps they're all making a difference in how people are responding to the knowledge a child is Gay," said McDonald. "I'd rather have it be 100 percent, but I'm encouraged that 60 percent would say 'tell whomever you want'." "It is certainly much better than it was 20 years ago -- especially that only 1 percent would throw them out of the house," said Joyce Hunter, a Lesbian activist and researcher who has worked extensively with Gay youth. "We've come a long way since the '70s and we're making some gains in changing attitudes." But, said Hunter, there are still troubling numbers in the results. "The fact that 7 percent would favor reparative therapy," said Hunter, referring to those who would suggest their child seek help to change to heterosexual, "that's dangerous, especially when the suicide-attempt rate is very high among Lesbian and Gay adolescents. They get their first notions about how life is going to proceed from their family, and this would have a real impact on their sense of self. We still have a long way to go." Hunter said she is also troubled that 39 percent of respondents said Gay children should either keep the information to themselves or should keep it in the family, or said they didn't know how they wanted them to handle their Gay identity. "That's not handling it well at all," said Hunter. "That's classic stuff out of families: They want them to keep it a secret, and that's giving a couple of messages to the kids. One, it's saying that it's really not OK, and then, it's indicating they have to hide it. Those kinds of messages have an enormous impact on their sense of self and their future behavior about who they are and they could lead to depression because it's saying [being Gay is] clearly not acceptable. That's very troublesome." Hetrick-Martin's Cole agreed. "The family is the key support network of any young person," said Cole. "A caregiver, a relative, or a guardian is so crucial for adolescent development. We need to really target those people and help them realize that when young people can't talk to anyone about it, you get this overrepresentation of suicide ideation among these people." PFLAG's McDonald said she was a little surprised that only 1 percent said they would ask their Gay child to leave the house. "That's interesting because we keep reading and hearing that the majority of homeless children are Gays and Lesbians," said McDonald, "and that seems like a very small percentage of parents saying 'leave the house'." But, she said that, at the PFLAG in her hometown of Tulsa, Okla., "we don't get as many calls now as five years ago that kids have been kicked out of the house and are looking for places to go. Maybe attitudes are changing." "Overall," said Hunter, "you've got 67 percent giving some sort of support, and that's good news." Kim Mills, a press spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign, which sponsors the annual National Coming Out Day project (scheduled for Oct. 11 this year), agreed with Hunter that the results overall seem "remarkably positive." "With two-thirds of parents reacting positively ... my gut tells me this is certainly an improvement in my lifetime," said Mills. But Mills, too, said she thinks 7 percent wanting to have their children seek counseling to change their sexual orientations "is high enough to be of concern." "Particularly in light of the American Psychological Association's recent vote" to criticize such reparative therapy, said Mills, "it is still of great concern that there are still that many parents out there who would want to take kids to get them to change." The APA on Aug. 14 approved a resolution that criticized attempts by some therapists to "cure" homosexuality. The "Resolution on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation" stated the organization's belief that reparative therapy is designed more to treat "societal ignorance and prejudice," and reiterated that homosexuality is not considered a mental illness. Demographic comparisons A demographic breakdown of the responses suggested that females are somewhat more likely to handle a child's coming out in a positive manner. On the question of how the Gay child should handle the information, 66 percent of the females said "tell whomever they want," while only 53 percent of males said so. On the question of how they themselves would react to the news, 31 percent of the females said they would offer "words of support," while only 22 percent of males said so. Parents between the ages of 30 and 44 are the most likely to be supportive: 76 percent of that age group said either they would give "words of support" or "be okay about it." In the 45 to 59 age group, that supportive response dropped to 64 percent of the adults; and 58 percent of those 60 and older indicated they would be supportive. Adults who identified in the survey as black or Hispanic appeared much more supportive than those who identified as white. Seventy-nine percent of Hispanics said either that they would give "words of support" or "be OK" about their child being Gay. Seventy-four percent of blacks chose one of these two responses. By comparison, 66 percent of whites did so. Although the polled population reflected the demographic breakdown of the population nationwide, it should be noted that those percentages resulted in a polling group of only 127 blacks and 51 Hispanics. The majority of the respondents who would try to seek help in getting the child's sexual orientation "changed" to heterosexual were among the 60 and older group: Only 73 out of the 1,123 respondents said they would take that option and 61 percent of those were 60 and older. Other results from the survey showed: * adults who held a postgraduate degree were much more likely to "be OK" about their child being Gay than those with less education. Among the postgraduate segment, 78 percent said their child should tell whomever he or she wants and 80 percent said they would give their child words of support or "be OK" about their child being Gay. Only 46 percent of those with just a high school degree thought their child should tell whomever he or she wants, and only 55 percent of that group would give their child words of support or "be OK" about their being Gay. * adults who identified as Democrats were much more likely to be supportive than Republicans. While 70 percent of Democrats said their child should tell whomever he or she wants and 79 percent said they would give their child words of support or "be OK" about their child being Gay, only 44 percent of Republicans wanted their child to tell anyone and only 46 percent were ready to give their child support. * adults living in the western region of the country were the most supportive, and those living in the South and Northeast were least supportive. Sixty-five percent of those in the West said their Gay child should feel free to tell anyone about being Gay. In the Midwest, 62 percent said so; in the Northeast, 56 percent said so; and in the South, 55 percent said so. Hunter, who is currently working on a project funded by the Ford Foundation to develop strategies to help Gay youth cope with stigma, said, "The biggest issue for youth is the family." "Young people really want to be part of their family," said Hunter. "While they're growing up and trying to become independent, they need the love and support of their families and they want it. And when they realize they can't be who they are, they begin to feel distant from the family; they don't feel part of it. They begin to have less self-confidence, and their sense of self seems to diminish. Anyone's does." This article appeared in the issue of: September 5, 1997 [LINK] E-mail The Washington Blade Copyright © 1997 The Washington Blade Inc. A member of the gay.net community. -------------------------- forwarded by ==================================================== Margaret Andrus Heineman Home Page http://www.critpath.org/~maggie Bridges-Across http://www.bridges-across.org/ ====================================================