From: MShernoff@aol.com Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 07:39:53 -0500 (EST) Subject: AIDS terror article Coping With AIDS Terror: A Guide For The Urban Gay Published in In Style for Men, Jan/Feb 1986 by Michael Shernoff, MSW & Daniel Bloom, MSW 1986 Michael Shernoff & Daniel Bloom Permission is granted to copy or reproduce this article either in full o= r in part, without prior written authorization of the authors on the sole= condition that the authors are credited and notified of reproduction. "It left just as if someone turned off a light. Joy is gone from my lif= e." "I don't understand it. All of a sudden, sex makes no sense to me." "I thought I worked out all those fears when I was coming out. But now = I am beginning to think that being gay is wrong." Each of these men is terrified of AIDS. This terror is eroding the core = of his identity, affecting his perceptions of himself and his world. Fort= unately, when he acknowledges this fear, and identifies what it is he fea= rs, he can take active measures to win back whatever terror has eroded, There have been over 14,000 confirmed cases of AIDS in the United States.= But those stricken by the disease are not its only victims. AIDS is a = dark cloud casting a pall over the gay community, and those who live in i= ts shadow, the medically well but scared, have been referred to as "the w= orried well." This phrase is catchy but inaccurate because it is much too broad. With t= he daily newspapers carrying hysterical story after hysterical story abou= t this disease, everyone is frightened and concerned, however "worried an= d well." But there are those among the numbers of the worried- well who a= re so preoccupied that the worry itself becomes a central part of their l= ives. And there are those who may not even be worrying but whose behavio= r and life so show the effects of fear, anxiety or depression that they l= ead lives vastly and unnecessarily changed from the one they once led, li= ves now mostly sad, joyless and unsatisfying. Each of the quotes at the beginning of this article qualifies the speaker= as AIDS-terrified. The following is a list of behaviors or attitudes wh= ich these or other men could exhibit as "symptoms" of AIDS terror and are= offered here as a guide for "self-diagnosis." 1. A once sexually active man decided that the only way to be safe from= AIDS is to stop having sex; or 2. Just isn't as interested in sex any more; 3. Suddenly begins to have sexual difficulties, such as erection proble= ms or inability to ejaculate; 4. Withdraws from social contacts that were once satisfying or spends i= ncreasing time alone-and does not enjoy it; 5. Completely withdraws from gay friends and the community out of a fea= r of contracting AIDS; 6. Is depressed, anxious or sad for no apparent reason; 7. Constantly worries about his health and refuses to believe his physi= cian's assurances that he has no medical condition; 8. Becomes more self-doubting and self-deprecating, or begins again to = think that there is something wrong with being gay; 9. Experiences increased sleeplessness and nightmares; 10. Loses his appetite. =0D Several points deserve stressing. To qualify as a "symptom," all should i= nvolve changes in behavior or attitude and occur more or less simultaneou= sly with the knowledge of AIDS. For some this may have been only a few m= onths ago, for others it may have been as long ago as five years., when A= IDS was first reported. For example, a man who always had difficulty sle= eping should not be concerned if that is his only symptom. A man for who= m sex never was an important part of his life need not fit this pattern i= f he often went a considerable length of time without sexual contacts. Secondly, these items might occur without conscious thoughts or feelings = about AIDS. Sometimes, the mental process called "denial" keeps troubling= thoughts our of awareness, even though the person behaves and acts as if= wracked by worry. This is as true for a person troubled by AIDS as in a= ny other emotionally difficult situation. Clearly, there is a difference between appropriate fear of AIDS and AIDS = terror. Today, almost everyone is afraid of AIDS. This fear is reasonab= le, concrete and is an emotion signaling danger to be avoided. IT is an e= motional call to do something to reduce the perceived danger of AIDS. The= kind of feeling and behavior to be concerned about are those that do not= help solve the problem of the danger and are an irrational, self-defeati= ng response to AIDS. Now, once identified as a victim of AIDS terror, what can you do? The har= dest task may be over. Recognizing the effects of AIDS terror is the diff= icult part of this process. In fact, this in itself may establish the mo= mentum that will make the rest seem easy by comparison. The next strateg= y is twofold. Firs the person should consider the following active sugges= tions: 1. Since anxiety thrives where there is ignorance, combat you worry wit= h information. Get a complete medical check up. 2. Reduce your risk of contracting AIDS. Practice safe sex and know wha= t practices are low risk. Healthy sex guidelines are available through t= he local AIDS community service organizations. Familiarize yourself with= them and enjoy sex. Since abstinence itself could be stress inducing, r= =82sum=82 your sex life, safely and intelligently. 3. Reduce your risk of contracting AIDS. This suggestion is so obviousl= y important that it its repeated. If you use intravenous drugs, be sure = to use clean needles and do not share them or other drug preparation para= phernalia; e.g. cookers. 4. Recognize that there are other threats to your life that have even p= redated AIDS educe your alcohol, drug and tobacco intake. Evaluate your = diet. 5. Medical treatment for AIDS can be catastrophically expensive. If you= are worried about medical bills, or even if you are not, get medical ins= urance and disability income insurance. If you are presently insured, hav= e your policies reviewed by an insurance professional. 6. Identify and reduce the stresses in your home and work life. 7. Assess your emotional supports, friends, family and community and do= whatever is necessary to increase these supports. 8. Increase what is joyful and life affirming to you. 9. Give yourself permission to be afraid. AIDS is a horror, and not to= fear it is cause for worry in itself! 10. Learn to relax. Simple breathing exercises, meditation and visualiz= ations are all simple to learn and may themselves bring you calm amid the= turbulence of AIDS terror. The second aspect of this suggested strategy is more subjective. Each of= you should look closely at your life, what you do that is enjoyable and = is not enjoyable. What is satisfying and what is taxing. Try making a l= ist with two columns and label the joyful side "healthy" and the taxing s= ide "unhealthy." The criterion for the list is however you define what is= "healthy" and "unhealthy" for yourself. Next, compare the "healthy" and= "unhealthy" columns. Which column has the most items? The task then is = for you to do whatever is necessary to be sure that this inventory is wei= ghted in favor of the healthy column. The inventory should be evaluated = and updated weekly. IF these suggestions seem difficult to follow, if they are even difficult= to consider, or if they have been tried and have not helped your "sympto= ms," then another approach may be needed. Though sometimes isolated, AID= S terrified people are still part of the gay community and they can use t= he community as a resource. Throughout the country numerous AIDS service= community organizations have been formed in response to this health emer= gency. Many of them, as well as other gay community social service organ= izations and private practitioners, offer groups to help the worried well= =2E Merely being with other men in similar situation and talking about al= l the issues and concerns, may make it easier to deal with these feelings= =2E Terror of AIDS, AIDS induced anxiety and AIDS itself may stir deeper rumb= lings than this article has dealt with. Sometimes, stress induced by a p= resent situation reawakens old demons that need to be looked at with more= attention. If that seems to be the case you can always call for a consu= ltation with a well trained psychotherapist who has experience working wi= th gay men. These suggestions should not be considered as easy as these cookbook like= steps may suggest. In fact, they may involve real struggle and efforts a= t increased self-awareness. If this struggle is too difficult, then it = might be the time to consult a mental health professional. Especially du= ring this health emergency, no one should be self conscious in asking for= a psychotherapist's help. Local AIDS service and gay community social se= rvice organizations should be helpful in finding a psychotherapist famili= ar with this problem. We are all in this war together and no one need su= ffer it alone. =0D Key Words: gay men, gay men, gay men, gay men, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, me= ntal health, mental health, mental health, mental health= --PART.BOUNDARY.0.10042.emout10.mail.aol.com.853504791--